When We Simply Cannot Speak

hello there this is michael murdad and i welcome you to our friday night spiritual insights with michael mirdad and i guess i want to start actually just by thanking all of you who who have been students of mine for 10 20 30 years 40 years whatever it's been for you and because i've been teaching that long and i've always been a teacher who just goes with what comes to me as i'm teaching with rare occasion even when i do five-day intensives it it's i can't pre-plan because i i don't know exactly who's going to be

there what they're going to ask in each question we could launch into an hour of various topics that are of interest to that person that asked a question so i never knew so i in case you don't know me or aren't familiar with me i just believe in all of us learning to i've always said this you know number one rule connect reconnect with god connect with god just get back to spending some time plugging in to source to love to god uh morning and night and sometimes throughout the day whenever you can you

know so just that's just a simple thing there you know i just wanted to get that across um and secondly this is a piece that some people don't get even people that know how to have a practice of prayer meditation whatever what's the purpose of that if you don't integrate what you connected with it why does it always stay a distant thing okay goodbye now click and i'll try to call god again some other time like it's a long distance relative that you only call once in a while it's something that we're you know god

loves its creation which is us and his creation its creation loves it i say it because i don't see god as a he she so if that confuses or throws you off you know i apologize um and so the topics vary uh from week to week when i share you're welcome to join us for these you're welcome to join us in our sunday services there are sacred services live from unity of sedona um a very cool spiritual center i often think of it as subtitled it's re or or synonymous with a title um it's really the sedona center for christ

consciousness and saying sedona center almost seems to limit it to sedona it's it's a it's the global really is center for christ consciousness as others places might be as well if that's what they set their intention to be but all i know is for us that's what we intend um focus on god focus on becoming the presence of of the living christ within us the living i am presence within us and um today i i want to share something that's come up in a conversation that i had recently with somebody it was

i think yesterday and and they asked a question that i ended up answering um with a specific few um bullet points or a technique of of steps to kind of help a certain issue but what is the issue the issue is what about when you just simply can't speak you can't speak to say goodbye to somebody you can't speak to say you're having a challenge with somebody you just there there's you just can't seem to to get it out which is of course dangerous if you hold it in it can become literally dis-ease

if you let it stay in for too long hold it in it can also blast where you become abusive or hurtful to that person by over-blowing your reaction to them because you held it in and it built up too much volcanic in a sense or sometimes it wasn't back to that person it could be the next person in your life that you just are intolerant of because of your previous hurts and whatever so holding in can be you know a person repressing their voice repressing but we're not really talking about that like just finding your

psychological spiritual voice we've i think done videos on that as well but i'm talking about when you you just simply don't know how to to broach a conversation uh how to connect or bridge with someone when you're feeling challenged it could be a loved one it could be the person in your life your partner but you don't know how to bring up that you know they drink too much or whatever the case might be you know it could be your child and you know honey you really got to rethink what you're doing in your

relationships that sort of thing but if i bring it up they're going to do this they're going to react and so on so just a a quick few ideas on dealing with that sort of thing you know in a nutshell we all have times when we we don't know how to share our thoughts and feelings we don't know whatever those are they can be challenging they can be romantic like i just want to tell this person i really care about them and i don't know how to those are all still synonymous to this you know to me they're relevant to this

particular conversation and you would think well if there's something i feel i could just say it but that's not the case for most human beings most hold things in until they blow or make themselves sick that's the truth the vast majority of people and even if you're pretty good at sharing but only once in your life you held something in why is that you know so there there are some common reasons uh the one of the first you'd have to throw out there is old wounds you know old wounds can make me

um afraid to share old wounds can you know like in the past past lives past childhood whatever i shared things and it it came back on me i got punished for speaking um punished for being honest punished for asking a question so old wounds are clearly a part of it however far back those ones go they could go a day ago you know and it can still wound you a lot of clients of mine i do you know spiritual consultations and a lot of clients of mine have have talked about um it could be recently even where they shared something with somebody who then

turned and used it back on them like really harshly um you know it could be a confidence or a thing that might have felt shameful at one time and they share somebody with somebody they share it and the person just tells them they're disgusting or they're whatever it is you know um shames them or you know so that that makes us go okay never do that again you know so that's the wounding related to these things and you know then there's believing that our thoughts and feelings don't even have any value

god you know i mean we can actually think that my thoughts and feelings aren't valuable anyway you might not consciously think that but try it out sometime a little exercise just take a journal where you can just free flow right and say to yourself i am hesitating to speak to so and so about such and such because then write my thoughts and feelings have no value and then just start free flow writing my thoughts have no value and i can't believe i'm writing this and i i sometimes don't believe i think this

but it feels like it's true and in fact i remember feeling this oh my god oh my god you know and all of a sudden you start just stuff starts flowing oh my god you know i just wrote something i never would have thought that i believed about my the value of my thoughts i don't matter all of a sudden you go from i wanted to share something and hesitated to i don't even matter or i'm stupid or i'm you know and and you could be mimicking parroting lines that were given to you by people in your past or

or it could be just your own thoughts you picked up and believed about yourself some some erroneous thoughts or opinions you have of yourself you know and then there's also um judging ourselves this is like a third bullet point i think we're on me you know and judging ourselves uh for for our feelings judging ourselves for um or over the fear of being judged but judging ourselves too not just others judging ourselves like oh well if i'm spiritual i shouldn't be thinking this i shouldn't be feeling

this way you know i did have done a lot of work with people with wounding around sexuality and a lot of times you know i've met people um very predominant um communities that are what they call polyamorous which you know you could say is very open polyamorous would mean to love many um [Music] no it's it's not authentic most of the time and people that are really truly looking for that kind of lifestyle but end up involved with communities where it's a farce end up getting wounded more than maybe anything else in their life

my point is that i've had some of those folks come to me and say you know michael my partner wants me to be part of this type of community but it doesn't feel right for me it's not organic it's not me but you know they'll leave me if i don't let them go or which they won't do you know most of the time they're afraid and alone and all that and then sometimes i've heard them say well i i would leave but they explained to me that it meant i was not evolved as much as them because i

couldn't be so unconditionally loving um some of these folks it's it's past life harem kinds of things that they've done uh orgistic kinds of things whether it was rome or greece or wherever that is just a a party um sometimes uh you know lives as prostitutes sometimes it's lives also sometimes it's this life and you're just a sex addict um so with all those criteria that i just named all those bits of why some people enter these communities it should be somewhat obvious why most of it could be just you know set

aside not judged or hated but just like okay that's it's not really that authentic but what if you did want to experience something like that well maybe sometime we'll do a talk just on something like that polyamory nevertheless being judged by others as my example was a person saying to me you know they'll they said i'm not evolved well i'm sorry that a person would have such a lack of self-worth that they couldn't see through that i mean don't you remember people saying take a

smoke you know hit off the cigarette or you know learn to smoke and be part of us or drugs i mean you've heard of peer pressure since you were five you know so that's all that is it's a game peer pressure comes from people that are not not secure within themselves trying to pressure other people to be like them so that they go i am now established as a valuable entity because look they're like me we we must be a uh a force to be reckoned with a tribe a community and it's you know it's just messed up

that's not the point of the talk so i'm not going to stay with that too long other than saying being judged you know it can steer us in that direction and then part of us also knows why am i not wanting to talk to this person about this sometimes we know that the reason i'm not going to talk to them is because i know it's me you know i mean i what's to talk about i've had you know lots of things in my life happen and i'm over it seconds later i don't go well you know i need to speak my heart i need to share my

feelings no you know i don't mean to make it sound like i'm overly criticizing or making fun of that type of person but it is so ego-based typically a person that's coming from that place i need to be hurt why why do you need anything well my voice needs to be expressed in my oh so what you're saying is you're wounded badly enough that you would like to compensate and you know let this moment with me be a time when you get to come out great great no problem then say that say i'm gonna try and exercise here where

i'd like to speak a little bit more then we can freely with informed decision choose to say no you know i'm not really in the space to be your your um anything from counselor to whipping post depending on what they're sharing or venting um respectively and you could also say yes it i feel totally fine with that you know i remember a person a gal who um was just angry about some things and and she just wanted to vet but she really had taken some time not to process and heal she took some time to really

get solid about her opinions of me you know i think you're at this and this and this you know like she really needed to she wanted to really get that list clear etched in stone so that she could this is what you are you know that kind of thing which we've all had i'm sure but she she did that and i could hear the quivering in her voice as she was doing it and i'm like so so what's going on okay so thank you for you know sharing and i'm sorry you know you feel that way and i said you know come to think of it

if i was that i probably would have hung up on you or yelled at you and retaliated like reacted she said yeah that's true and i said so you might want to think about that i said you know but but she shared she shared her opinion and and here's the tricky part i said now do you see that i didn't react and hurt and hate you know and all that yeah i do i said okay now that's the first part seeing it now you have to absorb it here's why you have to absorb it because your ego has taken control of your head and made

you decide this is how that happened or that person what they are or what the circumstances are you know you make all these opinions it's called judgment but you make all these opinions now whatever you judge comes come you know comes back and goes we're not like that at all and you have to go oh geez you have to own it because your ego head's going to say don't let them off the hook there's got to be another way you can kind of fly in under the radar and hit him again and hit him again you know

very tactical aggressive military kind of uh behavior if you think about it the ego but instead you go no no no no pause pause pause no i don't want to hear any more of that i was mistaken yeah but but here comes the ego no no the evidence is here even if they did react my job is to not hate them not to judge them anymore it could be done with the relationship but i'm not going to hate them i'm not going to sit and perpetuate whatever i think of them so it's nice for us to go oh my god i was wrong about that

i was mistaken and here's also a cool thing when you let them off the hook only you know i'm talking about when they have proven something to be different it doesn't mean they're perfect all the time any other time it means the thing you think you had judged them and had locked up and court dismissed and it was in stone and they're they're imprisoned by your judgment and you suddenly you realize oh my god new evidence was presented in the court court case and you realize oh my god they they were imprisoned unjustly

by an aggressive attorney called the ego and now i feel terrible that i was thinking this of them and again it doesn't mean that they aren't doing you know having triggers or issues or or acting in a way that seems imperfect to you in other categories just start with this one in this situation i was mistaken i'm sorry please forgive me i love you thank you that's the ancient lemurian slash hawaiian prayer forgiveness okay so something to think about we've got to soak it in when they when they prove that they're

not like that you know and we all need to make amends in our heart and soul and sometimes to others personally when we have misjudged them you know i've seen that happen uh coming to sedona there's a fair bit of that it's a small town people love to compete and they you know there's a lot of that bickering weird stuff but i remember i remember a couple instances that just popped into my head one when i came to sedona this this gal bitter just a bitter kind of a gal real hard kind of a person and she was one of the people that was

at unity of sedona when i came here and she was like oh my god you know i wanted to be the person there i wanted to be the new spiritual leader and he got the role and then it's males and all that stuff came up for her hated me and i never even really talked to her but she hated me and and then one day you know i kind of never saw her really much around but one day i went i was invited to a birthday party and it was a woman who was very old and it you know she really wanted michael to come in i didn't really know her she's just an attendee

at unity but she really wanted me there so i went like the first time in my life i ever went to a you know kind of a public thing like that like a whatever you would call that a birthday party but a public where people from all around you know are coming to this party and people i didn't know i'm used to being around you know people that i knew like at centers and so on so that i was invited so i went i did my time there you know i hung out i spent some time i uh sang happy birthday i did all that kind of stuff spent some time did did

our stuff there and then it was time to leave so i left when i was getting in my car that woman walked by michael my dad i said yeah hi did you come to yeah oh my god i have to change my opinions of you it's like and what am i supposed to go oh i'm so honored to me it's like what opinions you don't even know me how did you have them in the first place but but do you think that meant that that woman went i got it i was mistaken and starts attending unity you know with a guy who got the job that she would like to have had no

no it never happened i think she knows deep in her heart that i'm a good person but she just can't get past that whole thing male or competitor or whatever it was that triggered her so we have to take a minute and go wait no no i was mistaken make the amends at least in here sometimes to the other person you know it's valuable but sometimes it's more hurtful to say you know i used to hate you because i thought you were the biggest jerk on the planet but i guess i was wrong you know they're going to be a little

taken aback by the fact that you're saying i used to hate your guts but now i'm okay with you it you know that can still seem a little harsh i think your intentions might be good but do the amends in your heart first allow the angels of your being and the angels of that being to have a nice pow-wow hey guess what what you know we got over some of that hatred oh great let them party let our let your conscience consciousness and your soul party with that person so so that you know it can be like okay the attention gone then approach

them from a place of renewal like respect rather than telling them about what you used to feel towards them just talk about what you are feeling towards them to me that's a more evolved approach so think about that as an option anyway and hopefully you can make some notes or watch this again and think about where you can apply this you know in your own life the the concept of i was wrong about this person also means god you know my ego is not really happy about that my ego wanted me to hold on so hold on tenaciously

towards my opinions because that keeps it empowered so i'm saying no to my ego when i go you know guess what that this this this person wasn't the way i thought they were they've proven my fears and judgments to be wrong it's like a miracle it and it is one but it's like a miracle i i'm taking this burden of judgment off of my heart and soul so to me it's just really really beautiful but if you're gonna sit with somebody i think you have to warn them like i was saying a little earlier you

have to warn them and say um i'm trying to find ways to be able to come out and speak so i'm going to go to this person and i'm going to say hey you know because i know you well enough or we trust each other if you're you know brutal enemy of the person it's not going to go well obviously but if if there's enough trust and friendship to be able to say hey do you mind would you mind if i practiced an exercise where i'd like to just share because it feels like some things may have gotten strange between us

notice the casual wording you don't do this you did this and you you say something may have gone a little strange between us and i want to see if we're okay that's another way to ask hey are we okay and then you know cross that bridge and say um well here's here's what happened for me you might start with are you okay is everything good between us and let them share but when it comes to your time and you're feeling that hesitation i have such a hard time speaking here's the next technique not only not

only say to yourself you know um i'm gonna take time to sort of forewarn you i want you to know that i'm i'm gonna i might be a little clumsy with this but whatever i say i'm i'm good with you i love you or whatever the wording might be right but i'm good with you and i feel good about us having a continued relationship if we are going to have a continued one or i'm open to us parting ways if that's what we need to do you know open that all up but just say my intentions are not at all about

venting are we good with that yeah when you say i've already looked at what's going on for me that really helps the person go okay you're approaching me what the word is is responsibly i feel so much safer to hear you out when you have reassured me that you're sane you're there you're saying you're grounded you're responsible you know i can totally hear you now so consider that um but when you're finally going to get to it you kind of have to say i don't even know if this is accurate my

comments about you my judgments my opinions you know and that's important for me to know within myself god i don't even know if this is if this is accurate but this is how i have felt when you say i it decompresses some tension when you say feeling this is just a feeling of mine you see but you might also need to do some tracking like i said you know you might need to look at your part what's really behind this so when you're uh um wondering why you haven't been able to come out i said the last bullet point to

that was it might be that you know that you haven't done your responsible work so now that you are trying to cross that bridge and then here's the next thing you can do once you've said do you mind if i you know share and then you i just can't i just can't and you your side you know side uh stepping and you're avoiding and avoiding and you're changing the subject just say okay can i can i start now sure blurt blurt something out you might even have to write it maybe before you make the call if it's a

call just blurt something out see if you're my friend and you said i i don't i just don't know and you're all stuttering and stammering and you're i just tell people blurt it out i don't care what it is because it's you how my wife should i mind that you're saying i just feel sad i just feel angry i feel like you you don't like me did you hung up on me oh my god what made you think well you hung up oh well my phone went dead you know and then they go oh and there you go back to i need to absorb that i

was mistaken but that's just an example just blurt something out i've asked people to do that whether it was you know um i'm angry um i i'm attracted to you whatever and i'm like okay great thank you you know that's how you and i need to practice handling these kinds of things you won't handle it that way if you don't understand it if you don't have clarity around it if you just go okay michael said michael said that's not going to work you have to actually get it and go most of what they're going to say maybe

70 and it varies depending on how true factually their comments are but most of what they're going to say is about them anyway and they're part of me so we're all one so we are feeling this and we are feeling that so just kind of relax you know and try to keep it as casual as possible because people generally don't do that and that causes the tension to build then when you approach they have to slam you to protect themselves was that right of them no was it nice of them no was it polite to them no

did you have a part yes you might have come into the conversation with already a preconceived or whatever you know tension a without maybe consciously having it there was a tension there and uh it came through your the clenching of your jaw that came through the tone of your voice you know the the those kinds of things or you said the word you too many times so you know we have to be careful to take responsibility in all this so i would say the next uh bullet point when it comes to processing try to just get it all out um

and that's sort of related to another point but just god just get it all out um and smooth over the next bullet point smooth over the rough bits if you can like if i said you know i'm just really struggling jerk and you know and sometimes i get really sad jerk you know um if i accidentally blurted out a hurtful word it could even i mean i'm exaggerating with jerk but it could even be um saying something like um and you're insensitive or or you never cared anyway or as soon as i blurt out something that

could cause them to shut down fight flight or freeze if it causes them to do any of those oops you know go back to it wait i want to clarify i said you've always been insensitive i'm sorry i didn't um i know two or three times where i felt that way see how different that is they might be able to hear that better than they would if you say you always you know um obviously it's going to go over much better so get the stuff out just do your best get it out but then take responsibility and smooth over the rough bits

you know i'm sorry that while i was sharing a little bit i vented a moment there i vomited a moment there i'm really sorry about that um to me that's just i think that's very crucial but it's also a sign of responsibility one last thing be willing to listen to their version of the story too be willing to listen and and believe and absorb that they believe that that may be how they felt that may be their experience so it's not a you versus me it's we are wanting to have a miracle we are wanting to have a healing we are

wanting to bridge and communicate with each other in a way that god we're not even that used to doing wow it's pretty cool and if you say well i don't know that many people that i could do that with start with a counselor start with a sponsor and don't give me any crap about yeah but that doesn't count because they're sponsors and counselors no that's exactly what's the most relevant people you are you know are licensed to be able to hear you they're professionally trained to hear

you they're sponsors that have been through hell they're gonna hear you there could be a mistake of one here or there somewhere but start there so that you can say i did it i mean i did i got it somewhere in my life now i can say instead of my siblings never cared my parents never listened i can say my god i have a friend you know i have someone who heard me i have a soul mate in a sense i'm not talking about romantic stuff talking about you know someone listened i i bonded with them on some deeper level

so think about that you know take time to kind of do exercise around this you know um journaling ask yourself if this applies to you but did it also apply i was the one that made it challenging for you to speak you know um i might look at that and go oh you know what if i ever and you could say this to your kids if i ever made it a challenge to talk to me for example a dad a dad's supposed to be the disciplinarian and all that garbage that we live with in this world so a kid might think wait a minute the role i'm

shown is whoa dad wait till your father comes home look out so now i shut down it's not just dad it's i shut down so a kid could you know make amends for that but the parent could also say you know all those years i was sort of playing a certain role in that role was never really right for me and and uh i'm glad that i applied some discipline where i needed to but i'm sad that it meant that you didn't feel i was safe to come to and um i'm not asking you to fix me i'm just saying in reflecting i feel

some sadness around that they don't need to compensate they don't need to say anything that just sharing that lovingly is kind of nice but you also just did the practice that we were just talking about you made yourself say it but in a safe manner be the person who's safe for others and find people that are safe for you that's in a nutshell what that portion of my conversation here is about oh how people underestimate the concept of safety and we've done talks just on that so you might you know you might look that up on the

youtube uh playlist that i have so you know kind of oh you know concluding you know i just i know a lot of people and they they claim you know now they're healed now they're oh i i shared my feelings i told them what i thought i told them a thing or two whether it's gracefully or whether it's harshly i know so many people and that is to say the majority of people that say okay i got that out so i feel better now almost never are they healed what they do which is where we started a bit ago is that they find a way to share

sometimes not so gracefully they then think well i do feel better i guess sharing is good it so is vomiting when you're nauseous so is sneezing when you're sniffly just because you blasted something out doesn't mean you're healed you still have a flu you still have a whatever it is you know virus or something and um to get healed you got to go back to what i talked about earlier and reverse some of those concepts and look at them the other direction which is i'm going to need to practice some responsibility

i'm going to ask myself was i graceful in the way i shared when that person seemed to react when i shared and if i did have some edgy bits did i did i own those and apologize for the edgy bits so there's you know things i talked about already but a lot most of the time people that claim you know they feel better it's because they vented they sneezed they vomited you feel a little better for a moment that's not healed okay there are some people that aren't that extreme it's more subtle and they might look

this take this form um hey thanks for counseling me i feel better about dealing with so and so so thank you okay and then a few days later you see that person slam slam slam you didn't really get the healing you can tell by your future meaning after your moment of so-called healing do you feel differently does it feel almost like a a foreign concept to talk about that person and what they did or how much you hate them or whatever it is there should be like a shift if anything was authentic there should be a shift okay

so again once again you know i i pray this really finds an easy way to sink in and allow only that which makes sense to sink in if you agree with only 40 percent of what i shared soak that in let it be yours and move on and let go of the other sixty percent um but like in life you know uh integrate breed this in whatever did make sense i believe what i'm sharing i do believe this i believe it can make a difference in your life i believe that when i see myself applying it students applying it friends applying it they just go this is just

stellar because this is all kind of so advanced and it's these are concepts most people most so-called teachers don't even get this and don't share it don't teach it but i also really appreciate that people say and yet you make it so simple it's really amazing because i know this stuff is deep i know that it's not taught because i can see that it's not taught by many so i love that it's unique and i love that it's deep because it's not like some watered-down whatever you know but

thirdly i love that people say wow that was just so easy on the mind so simple because when you can make the deepest truths simple and clear and applicable for just about anybody i think i think you're a great teacher i think that's what teaching's about teaching should never have been talking at children just because they're younger than you about physics because you're the professor no i never believed in that i i've always believed the great professor would know how to take their brilliance

in physics and bring it down to even a five-year-old that's brilliant there's very few people like your mr rogers and so forth in the world that have been able to pull that off to take concepts that are way up here you know whether it's spiritual health psychological health human relations you know they can take the deepest of those topics profound aspects of those topics and just whether it's brought it to a metaphysical community a yoga community a holistic health community or mainstream a great teacher should be able to

navigate and massage the situation to bring the right precepts and concepts and details and bullet points to the right number of people so that god's children have learned again today and it's amazing because the true miracle worker that we all can be is one that does that they fly in under the red they don't pronounce you know hear you hear you yeah you know here i am and um and i'm the most amazing it's a good teacher also it talks about getting you home to god not to them you know they direct you to god not to

themselves so um i really appreciate that so many of you really i think get that all right so god bless you and thank you for that we'll see you soon bye