Trauma and Healing in Relationships

hello everyone it's time for another episode of Friday night spiritual insights with Michael Mayer dad so thank you for joining us I'm going to talk today about trauma and healing in relationships because I have thoughts of each of these sort of coming to me and so I'm gonna blend them now when I'm saying trauma and healing in relationships I'm not referring to [Music] exclusively to partnerships trauma and partnerships healing in partnerships trauma and healing in all relationships okay so let's make sure we understand

that and I very much thank you for joining us today because you know we're in this together this world were creating shifts and growth and there's teachers out there that'll talk about you know healing but they might talk about trauma mostly they might talk about issues and shadow work and negative patterns and and you know just the stuff of the of the the pain life the pain mind the pain body and then there's people that specifically prefer going the opposite talk about you know ascension and

healing and you know freedom and oneness and wonderful things like that it's important for us to understand that that life is about both not one or the other it's about emptying our cup refilling our cup not once but consistently which is most important neither is more important than the other because if I say the first the healing is most important then really we then almost focus consistently persistently on our issues not enough on the rebuilding a new life and if we only do the other the positives because there's a lot of

people that you know don't talk about the negatives don't talk about the past just talk positive positive positive well that doesn't work because you're building on I remember I used to use an analogy a lot back in the 90s that's still valid today and that is I would say people would start talking about like they would say Michael can you do a workshop on the positive new life that we want to create and so I would say you know this is like saying I'm building a house and I'm gonna start with the trim you know

the the trim up on the eaves and you know outside here and there and ornamentation you know I said it's like doing that when you don't even have a house built under it yet so you have to have a house built under that trim so the house though if built on quicksand is worthless you need a foundation so I always call healing is the foundation and and it is that's what's beneath us it's our foundation and then the house is a bit more like what I would call your relationships if you have good

health healing of the past foundation relationships then are what we work on and get that together it's not really one and then another and then another it's not like ten years of this too you know and you you you graduate and get a certificate there they're all ways all happening at the same time but there's emphasis of one a little bit more clearly more than another and it's foundational work got to have it people that try to override that they're just asking for trouble they it's called

spiritual bypassing you try to be all bliss bunnies you know and you don't need to work on that old stuff that's in the past you know and it's just a matter of time before those types of people or either going to get frustrated because their life isn't getting better at some point they're gonna think they failed or that the whole thing is bogus this whole spiritual path thing is bogus because they focus so much on spirituality not on healing and don't know why things aren't coming together for them they're

either gonna do that kind of give up or they're going to end up having to have a session with me or people like me because they're people that try to just circumvent move on you know go over here to this new life and positivity you know and I know that there are some very popular teachers and teachings that say ignore the past it doesn't exist just move on and only talk positive they even say things like you know what you're thinking about focusing your mind on is what you want to create so don't think

about the best focus on the future see that's really seemingly advanced those teachings incidentally have reached millions of people all of which are sadly mistaken so it's me against them you know in a ratio it sounds really silly that Michael one person is gonna say that the millions are doing something that's that's a silly you know off but it's true it is often let me explain what they're doing has some merit so that's nice I like to be positive in that sense and bridge and give some credit where

credit's due however what they're also doing is saying focus on the positive because that's what you'll see however what you're not realizing and those folks are not realizing is even when you focus your conscious mind on positive on positives you're not aware that unconsciously and subconsciously you're aware of wounds and hurts so you can say I am consciously in parentheses or brackets you know I'm consciously only thinking of positives because that's what teachers are saying you should do and

then they go why are things falling apart I only focus on positives because subconsciously you still have unhealed wounds the quicksand instead of good foundation it seems really simple to me things tend to seem so simple that it's kind of an interesting aside oh I'll share with you some people say you know Michael you speak when you're teaching you know you you speak with such conviction like you have such certainty about what you're saying well obviously like I can't imagine sitting here and doing guesswork you

know why would I charge how could how could I charge people for a workshop if I say none of this might be true you know it's possible that none of this is true but let's just try it anyway it doesn't make any sense I would only speak what I know to be true and that's what great masters in the past have also said that they're speaking from a place of knowing not guessing and that just makes sense to me so I'm not trying to diss anyone else but let me add to it yes it's great to say think positive things but you

cannot claim that that's the whole reality that's not the whole real reality building structure that's not the whole reality matrix you have a conscious and an unconscious self conscious and subconscious if you want to call it that and the subconscious is is like basically the in the concept of that iceberg the tip of the iceberg is what you're consciously thinking of you know so it's just a little bit of daily chatter subconscious is like the middle of an iceberg so much more than the tip

so much more going on in the subconscious you know it's like experts say that if you were susceptible to hypnosis and they could put you under what they could do is say this okay consciously let's have you walk into the mall and then come out tell us what you saw consciously you go well I saw you know there were medium number of people and and there was some music I think in the background and I could smell some of the food in the food court and saw some people carrying packages is that it yeah that sounds about right

if they put you under hypnosis they're gonna say wow what did you see and it's gonna be like several times more information multiples of times more information you're gonna go well and then I overheard this conversation then I saw this then I noticed somebody's shoes when they were walking by but they didn't even walk in front of you and you were able to sense it feel it no you know it's amazing so there's so much more going on and someone's gonna say if you just think positive thoughts you're

gonna be all good no man that's why that's why you don't just think positive thoughts for a few hours or days and everything just turns around and you're blissful forever why is it that there's still this heavy stuff because unconsciously there's so much now what's amazing and it's even a great part of the story here is that beyond the subconscious middle section of the pyramid or the iceberg is this super conscious that knows even more you could say the conscious mind is like turn it

this way the root chakra the tip of the iceberg the root chakra meant means your conscious self your conscious physical self go deeper still into the subconscious it's the astral shock or the navel Center and so on and that's where you're psychically able to pick up that's what psychics pick up on is astral stuff subconscious stuff they can read they can feel with their own subconscious picking up stuff so that's pretty cool and that sounds like wow that's the highest that there is probably no there's also super conscious

which is actually going higher and I are up in more like the heart center so the super conscious is not really God centers up here the super conscious self is really you could say much more akin to the heart center and in that place which very few people everybody's connected to all of them I mean you're here you know you're awake you're alive you're as a being so you have all this going on but most people are only aware of their conscious self then there's the subconscious fewer people fewer so few

that we pay them because they're psychics there there are people working on the subconscious hypnotherapists and people doing EMDR and different kinds of work you know it's it's deeper subconscious stuff which is great and when they can construct new healing techniques related to subconscious stuff they're phenomenal people go god i did this tapping technique or this AMD or or this hypnotherapy and it did worlds of difference in my healing of course because you're tapping deeper into a person the subconscious stuff which is

actually more of a cause than an effect your subconscious stuff has more of an influence in your life than your conscious stuff and yet most of the world most of the people on planet earth think and live only consciously and in a way it makes sense it's much safer for me to have a conversation with you let's do this and say I said to you I'm going to me

et you at five o'clock p.m. and we'll get something to eat now I show up at 7:00 you're no longer there you call me late and say what the heck happened you know you didn't show up at 5:00 like you said no I said 795 no said 7:00 and you go you know what Michael I'm gonna I'm gonna order the you know the video um in the store where we were when we have that conversation you know and you play it back to me and there I say we'll meet at five and then I say okay but wait a psychic Katoon in and confirmed that subconsciously I was thinking I probably

should say seven that doesn't mean that I said seven so just because I unconsciously said something doesn't validate anything right so that would be a very frustrating world so there's a there's some merit to us being grounded and kind of let's let's have conversations that we can hear you know instead of ones that are kind of floating around especially since when I thought seven I might have thought or maybe four the subconscious goes all these different places it's not ultimately supposed to you know when you

think from a healed person but the manic mind does that a lot more than the healed mind so we have the conscious self we have the subconscious self and then we've got the super conscious and the super conscious is more like the soul and that's where you would hear read know the Acacia chrec ERDs of a person so Edgar Cayce was not an astral psychic reader he was not merely a clairvoyant he had all those kinds of skills as an aside but no no like someone like Edgar Cayce he was reading the Acacia crackers and that is the

heart and soul so he was reading a soul record of a person now there's a lot of people out there psychic fairs when they heard about this you know they gradually learn about different psychic skills and they learn to be Toro readers and psychometrist and so on it's inevitable that they'll catch on and go wow this whole psychic like edgar cayce acacia cracker that sounds like because that's almost accurate reading you can give so they all start putting it you know on their little table cards there's signs you know

acacia cracker greetings and it starts to become kind of flippant you know a new ism a new thing to advertise that you do when in fact you might have very little ability to actually read the Akashic records you know so someone could say to me Michael can you do a workshop on occasion record reading there are certain workshops that I cannot give will not give and that that would be one of them because I can teach people about it and teach people how to access such things but my conscience won't allow me to take money from a

person if I don't think it's actually gonna help for example let's say I do a class and let's say that there's 100 people what if five of them just aren't able because it's not a head thing that you memorize it's a hard thing that you have to expand to to be able to do that so what if five people for whatever reasons unhealed wounds close minded whatever five people say we can just let's say five they can't do it I don't feel good about that I don't want to teach something that I can't know you're

likely at least ninety-nine out of a hundred are going to be able to get it and that's why when people say Michael can you teach your ability intuitive healing no I can teach a lot of deep healing process as I do I've done it for many many years and it's great but to a degree I've sent two people to heal you have to love and I cannot promise you that you'll be more loving when we're done with the workshop so I can't of how to love level-1 level-2 level-3 I can't it doesn't work in my mind that

way I can't imagine charging for a heart center thing if I can't for sure guarantee that shift for a person that doesn't mean I'm playing down my abilities I'm gonna teach them they're gonna learn great things it's not that I doubt my skill to teach it's that might just my conscience isn't gonna be okay first of all pudding number you know level one on love it doesn't make sense to me but also just knowing that some people can really get their heart invested in wanting to be able to do

that doing the workshop and being one of a few percent that doesn't pull it off it's it's it's really you know it can really hurt a person's feelings so I'm I'm more tactful about those kinds of things and teach a teacher my approach is in a different form of teaching not guaranteeing you know I've seen even spiritual teachers out there in the world they're authors or whatever they are teaching and certified like guaranteeing people enlightenment in you know one weekend and words like that

enlightenment or whatever and it's like wow I couldn't do that I can't guarantee that because when I have students I can bring them in at a very deep level and I've done so over years and there's a point where where I realize you can only take people so far and then they each level each step of the ladder that you take people as a teacher to students or clients or whatever they're they have to be willing to to navigate that next step and when I see that they're not going to do it that's really hard because they're

friends they're students you've been with them awhile and you see oh it could be a topic of money it could be a topic of wounds they don't want to look at it could be they can't be honest enough or consistent or something and I can see when it's happening and it's it's really a drag because as a teacher it's like being a parent when you know your children their minds sometimes you know they're starting to stray there sometimes they're starting to think you key thoughts or you know hurtful

thoughts or they're starting to hurt from dating and they don't want to talk about it you can see someone you're caring about starting to kind of descend and as a parent teacher whatever we role we play you could be a physician and seeing your client starting to health descending you know and you want them to do more but they won't and so it's kind of a challenging thing so keep that in mind as healers as readers as whatever you do it's not always easy to give advice that you know they're not going

to follow or or that you've reached a limit of where they're going to be able to go with you and you know and then sometimes that's a challenging ending it's not usually graceful and responsible so continuing we have this idea that people say okay first of all let me complete a little bit on on the trauma stuff so people say okay I feel like I've talked about that talking about doesn't mean it's gone and I there's not a solid answer on how do I know when a topic is healed my advice

has always been just remain open well I don't want to remain open I want it to be done well no no that means if you want it to be done you're really saying you need it to be done meaning you don't like it and you need it to be done which means it still has some power over you that's not a great sign it's not a bad sign but it's not a sign of I'm done it's a sign of there's still a charge so how do you know when you're done now do you know when something feels complete what I can tell you is stay open and

open means this yeah I feel like I've done some some good healing work on that are you done is it past that Hill I feel complete but I'm open that's how casual it should be so that when you say I'm completely done your egos like mm-hmm we know how to throw this person off oh yeah all it has to do is throw one little crumb of of old wounds and you're going to be like wow an integral find a way I mean my god it'll find a person to enter your life that looks like somebody that triggers you or it'll be in a dream

when you're really good at blocking the outside world it'll leak in as a dream and you'll you'll dream of some you know creepy event or person or whatever it happens to be and then you're going to get a little triggered you know it's just a dream and you'll try to stuff it those are all signs of old stuff coming up and you know whatever it happens to be it's gonna be and you you know it's better to just go oh wow okay like for example I just mentioned to somebody we have I think maybe it was in a talker or

whatever I just mentioned this week that we're doing this workshop with Paul Young who wrote the the shack and myself so he and I are doing this great workshop it'll be an online or in person if you're in Sedona you can attend in person or you can attend online but we're going to make an experiential version of the shack his the book you wrote because the shack is like a place where you you collapse into healing old stuff it's like this place where things are hidden so I'll come back to that in

a moment but when I saw the movie just long story short I didn't know it was the movie I was like flipped on the TV and I saw a few minutes of something and I was only catching a few minutes but I was like this is deep like what is this not knowing what it was and when I say deep I mean it was spiritually powerfully deep deep also because there's depths of different kinds there's the emotional depth psychological depth spiritual depth on and on so I could feel that whatever this is I'm like wow spiritual depth but

there was also emotional depth so all of a sudden I'm watching and I'm like wow this is kind of and then I was said I'm like oh and it started navigating topic of a trauma in this guy's life and this was a pretty significant substantial thing that happened and I was just like well but my point moral of the story is I found myself wanting to turn the channel why I'm healed you know that's what you guys that's what you have to do is go wow that's cool no it's not fun but wow that's cool I was wanting to turn

the channel as soon as I saw that I was wanting to turn it it must be rubbing up against something that's all am I good am i bad might you forget all that who cares it's rubbing up against something it could be the last of your wounds but if you obsess on it you just added 10 more why would you want to do that so you can be a spiritual teacher I mean yo can nonde still had stuff going on in his life he was heart broken broken at the rejection and betrayal of some of his friends who started turning on him when they heard some gossip you

know and they started buying into the gossip and passing the gossip and he was heartbroken that these people could act so ridiculous when they knew his heart they should have known his heart and but that's their trip that's because they ran into their stuff projected it onto him used it as a reason to leave so it still happens every apostle had stuff going on and their with Jesus I mean firsthand it's okay you have to keep things light and that isn't right in the context of today healing trauma healing

relationships keep things light don't make anything so horrible that you're not willing to look at it don't make anything so shameful or horrible that you can't talk about it appropriately that is to the people you can trust or counselors or whatever it happens to be so summarize summarizing the first part trauma long story short being on earth is traumatic it's traumatic being born it's traumatic believe it or not when you're in the womb you pick up your emotion the emotions of your mother and the

attitudes of your father well I don't know about you but I don't think mine went very well my mother wanted an abortion for me you know so I'm sure I must have picked that up somewhere along like you know you could just picture being in the womb going excuse me I'd like to vote on this so you know it's like you guys have to fold around you know you fold around now you know come on so I'm not saying that don't have abortions I'm just saying I'm saying to them I'm picking up the

emotion so it's like a kid's gonna pick that up the attitudes of the father being mad at her for getting pregnant all those kinds of things that a lot of our parents felt so you're picking up stuff before you're even born you're coming in with stuff before you're even born but then stuff while you're in the womb then first you know when you finally born it could be like the gotta feed the kid it's crying or go change the diaper every you're putting everybody off out you know like geez man

I didn't mean to inconvenience everybody might be what you're feeling so this is traumatic to be here it's traumatic for them to poke your skin and try to get blood out to do their blood tests you know all these things even things that aren't meant to be traumatic I remember my first child she was probably I guess she was less than one and and I brought her to Sedona because I was looking to move to Sedona back then in the early 80s around 80 tours or whatever day year it was and I thought about you know yeah

maybe you know this sounds like a great place and it wasn't meant to be yet then instead I went to a better place at the time for the time which was the Northwest Green and beauty and all that but I ended up in Sedona now so um I brought my daughter and and I went to see this guy because he was indicated ger KC and he was all you know new-age and holistic and all that so I went to talk to him just to see if I would work with him if I did move here I would be working with him he was a good guy had a really lot of depth and all that but he

saw my daughter and he said could I adjust her you know and so he kind of gave her back a little pop and the bones are not solid yet in a child but you can still move they're still pliable you know you can move him and they're out of line sometimes and then he takes her head and goes you know a little crack crack and I remember she a little startled then all of a sudden the little loop came out and she started crying all it broke my heart you know it was like cause she didn't cry a lot as kid none of my kids did and the lip came

out she started crying and it was like I participated in something that hurt her you know so my point is even when we're not meaning to hurt others they can feel traumatized so stuff happens on this play it's a dense planet my god it's dense gravity you know glands are shutting down chakras or just shrieking you know and the aura tries to constrict to protect us because somebody walks in the room and we can sense that there's something off with them there's you know whatever else guys addictions and

there's all kinds of stuff my point is that not to overly empower trauma but to say it's it's everywhere it's everything is traumatic I mean you know I you could have a moment where you oh god you know worked all day can't wait I'm gonna go home and and have you know one of my favorite things man I throw a bunch of chocolate-chip cookies in a cup and pour ice-cold milk on them and let it mush up and then start eating like cereal you know I guess what you people would call soup you know but it's

taste much better than probably any soup you folks eat so anyway I'm munching on these you know I could maybe I would walk in and go god I can't wait and after a long hard day at work and do all the what I do and travel I get in and open the bag and there's like one cookie those kinds of things can even seem traumatic because there's a moment of you know constriction that and it's something let me down or something did this or you know I didn't get the raise I wanted at work or you know whatever expectations

so it's not only things that overtly happen even things that aren't meant to have caused and they accidentally bring about some sort of trauma and I know a lot of people that say oh I don't have any trauma and my life's great and I'm always happy and that's possible to be happy most of the time it is obviously some people have a good consciousness to do that other people it's because they have good karma so they create good things others they just adapt really well and keep pretty

positive so it can happen but I don't want those folks you know I don't want you to think that those folks I literally have no issues they might even be in denial of them because there's so much living on that refilling positive side instead of looking at the other remember the caduceus the symbol of healing the caduceus has this winding up like this well think of one half of the caduceus as healing and the other being spirituality so you have to do your foundational work you know and over here the walls of the building are the

relationships which are half related to healing and half related to rebuilding but the trim the roof on that you don't put the roof on first the roof 'ln and the trim that's the next that's what I call bliss it's a term I used a lot more when I was teaching in the nineties about healing I backed off from teaching some of the intensive healing workshops that I did I loved doing him I did him once a year like I do mastery and Christ consciousness but I when I came to Sedona teaching healing just like I was

teaching sacred sexuality teaching healing on sacred sexuality both became workshops I backed off on first because I had done them enough in their life you know but but really I would still be doing them if it weren't for the experiences I had in Sedona where people people that lived here were often very fragile psychically and so doing some of the deep healing work it was just there the nervous systems were too vulnerable so they couldn't do quite the the deep exercises I wouldn't once did with

people that I knew better and that you know kind of bring him in and work them at a deeper level it was just a little too much and I could see that in a couple of people and so I thought you know done and I'd stopped that I think before I even stopped the sacred sexuality I stopped that within like the first year of being here and then the sacred sexuality almost immediately after that so my point is that even healing trauma can be so visceral so woven into your nervous system that if if you can't really get what we have to do I mean it

takes absolute trust for us to go there then I don't want to mess with it you know I need to know that there's an absolute trust and coming to Sedona that was a little odd because I was new here and so some people hadn't developed the trust but they insisted and I mean insisted on participating in the healing workshop and I was like really I don't feel it's right for you but that I remember in particular there was a male and a female that really insisted on it and you know I gave in and I really

shouldn't have and it's not like I gave in because that they paid in fact I think the two of them had financial issues and couldn't pay or couldn't pay much so it wasn't that at all it was you know they just really pushed and pushed for it and you know and I thought I said fine and and so because I wanted to trust them that you know they were ready because they said please trust us and I tried and it didn't work out I didn't like what I saw going on so trauma has a really visceral effect on us but two

things have to happen one we have to step in to our willingness to heal if you're afraid of it ashamed of it it's not gonna happen you have to be willing to say I remember one client from the let's see mid-90s who said I'll do whatever it takes and I've never forgotten that god I just love that oh my god it's always see what happens is it's not like I want control it's it's that makes it so because that's what it takes you know like in A Course in Miracles you hear leave no Rock left unturned

it's whatever it takes but that means you're trusting and Trust is what it takes to actually trust is one part of what it takes to heal you know so it's just it was so beautiful to hear that and that person made quantum leaps in healing because that was there at it as opposed to I don't know let me think I'm gonna watch every move and I'll have to scrutinize every thought going on here it just slows it all bugs it all down but when somebody does that it's because they're traumatized so there's

not anything wrong with them they're not bad or nothing wrong with you you're not bad if you're the one that says I can't really let go that's okay just know that there's a reason and you shouldn't be judged or hated for that reason but it doesn't mean you would be a good candidate for this type of therapy or that type of counseling or that type of workshop and so on so trauma watch other videos that I've done you know there's a zillion of them for free on YouTube there's videos I've done on healing DVD

sets that you can purchase I think they're like 20 bucks for four different lectures regret shame guilt you know all kinds of things about trauma but watch them don't watch them to commiserate but watch them to learn so that you can step further out of it again trauma there's the implied there's the what's done what seemed to have been done all these things and they register somewhere now I said there's a couple things to do one is step in and participate in your healing to ask God the divine mother the

Holy Spirit of God to help you with your healing process just imagine not talking to a counselor all the time which you can do sponsors all the time which you can do also talk the second half of your healing spiritual healing a calling the Holy Spirit talked talk to her Holy Spirit right now I feel like such low self-worth and I'm not sure where it's coming from so I want to give this to you and have it replaced with something new and even if you just close your eyes and watch and breathe it helps if you

participate and breathe you might notice nothing but one ounce of a shift let that ounce be something you give thanks for and then more will come so step into the spiritual healing that we all need it helps speed up the human healing part that we're working on okay now that's the trauma and it segues it a bit more into healing healing as I've already said takes trust trust in your therapist your counselors trust in yourself trust in God it just takes it just takes trust and you have an attitude of well I don't trust so I'm

not going to or you can say whatever it takes and I like that whatever it takes so the healing of stuff is half you could say generally speaking half done by you and half done by God you can actually heal completely if you only do it yourself it's kind of funny and ironic but trauma is related to our distrust of God self and others so learning to trust again means learning to trust not just self others some counselors some this or that or the other self for sure but also God it's all hand in hand now somebody says well

forget it man I'm not going into that God stuff Shh I say to clients then let's just talk about developing more trust in me more trust in your sponsor more trust in you or something simpler inevitably I'm telling you ultimate perfect holistic healing cannot happen without God there's people that are holistic healers who never bring God at all into their work makes no sense to me I understand that they don't need to be preachy about it but it's not very holistic if it's not whole and how do you how do you call

it holistic if it doesn't have the ultimate symbol of wholeness wouldn't us God so there's so many things on this planet did or bizarre so that's just another one I threw out there but okay trust in something and then just know it'll grow it'll take time perhaps for some some more more time than others but it will grow so trauma into healing and healing into all categories of my life including relationships the reason I'm saying this is trauma and healing in relationships is because you will

reflect all of your traumas from the past including your healing of the present or past or future whatever is also going to be reflected all of you all parts of you trauma and healing are going to be reflected in your relationships now there's slight exceptions to this rule because we have this uncanny ability to cover up things but generally speaking it's in my relations that I see healing I've shared this before but just very briefly as a spiritual teacher and I've done a lot of personal work and you

know and all that and so I do healing and I know how to check in and track and you know I know how to heal I know how to be honest about stuff and work on stuff and all that I feel pretty good about that but at the same time you know there's deepening and deepening levels and layers but one thing and I like I said I said shared this before but one thing I do is I when I speak on a camera it's not an inanimate object as much as you might think this is thousands of people and some of them I don't even

know and some of them would even like me because you know we hear people bitching about my hair's too long oh yeah I wear an earring sometimes or or the way I dress and that you know I'm too new agey or freaky they don't dig me so and yet I'm gonna sit here and tell my deepest wounds or in front of a church audience or a conference audience that's that for me that was I'm not boasting because it was a little bizarre and intimidating but I'm here how could I not do it that's kind of it's like it's just

happening in the moment so to be able to say for you to say well I could never share some of my things with even a single person when you work it you'll move beyond sharing it being honest with yourself journaling for example nice quiet recesses of your own home you know your journal and then you might talk it with a friend and you might talk about this sponsered coming out a bit more counselor and a bit more then next thing you know you might go into a group a self-help group a trauma group of some a 12-step group of some kind you next

thing you know you might be talking to 5 10 15 20 people about your stuff and they're hearing you as unconditional as they can and loving as they can't support every thicket pretty cool good job you came out more see but that's going to be required I don't want to pressure you but I'm just letting you know for me it went from 1 to more tomorrow and then you know - how many hundreds or whatever in an audience and it wasn't always easy but what helped make it easy was I realized wow the

first time you know choked up because I never shared this with this many people and they're looking back at me and as I'm talking and sharing something in my life they're tearing up and blowing their noses and that hits even harder because you realize oh my god you know it's the emotion that's waving back on you it increases it it really does and it's like wow but it's all healing to another level so it's almost like fine-tuning fine-tuning fine-tune and so I just feel clearer clear clear clear

and so on so my sharing it openly helps my healing to another level but what are you doing in your life to kind of help that along and I'm not saying again it's not about commiserating and saying okay Michael said I must find a hundred people to blurt this out - no it's it's not supposed to be something that's thought intellectually like calculated just see where you can come out in a natural organic way a 12-step group or a crisis you know trauma try you know maybe online there's groups and just try

out a little something and it may just be in in online with me like now you guys might be typing yes you know this happened for me and it it's like wow and you know um like with me there's if there's a thousand people watching there's going to be only a hundred or two commenting and when the hundred comments there might be 99 that say oh my god you know sorry that that happened and there might be one that's like a jerk you know get over it or they might say I have worse stuff than you or whatever it

is and you're gonna be like you're gonna be tempted don't make that one into the 99 it's one and that one is a fragment of your own beliefs that you're unworthy of being able to share this stuff we just mirror stuff back to ourselves it's two including those skeptics and doubters out there naysayers and even the trolls you know that troll around on the internet and try to throw people off just you know report them block them let us know if you see stuff like that if they're really insensitive and if they're part

of the group and they're insensitive we might you know let them know hey watch out you know just kind of be careful but but if it continues well block them will just say sorry you know because I want to keep a safe space for people that they can come out if somebody wants to be part of an unsafe space because they're trolling or being rude they should just go find some really dark void to hang out in and be part of the misery if they want but do you know that's not really what they're wanting

to do they're wanting to try to ruin for other people and I'm not going to participate in that okay so as I'm going to get to the last part here you reflect everything in your relationships your parental stuff your past live stuff your childhood stuff your whatever partner stuff things get reflected in our relationships and it's kind of interesting to me because it's it's like you have five fingers for a reason just like you have five limbs counting your head five fingers for a reason this

represents earth water fire air and ether this represents your physical chakra emotional intellectual your intuitive your heart center you know counting upwards and then the thumb represents your upper three centers and when you think about this is an example of trauma and healing in relationships I so often find people saying you know having a conversation about relationships going Michael guess what you know I was remember I was with a spend or a wife or a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a partner whatever it is

who was really really a nerd high-energy like aggressive and you remember that yeah I remember you telling me well yeah I ended that and and I got somebody who's so safe and grounded now and I already know what this means fire the guy that they didn't like too much fire intensity so they went and found an earthy guy now not only is this earth water fire and air it's also male chakra female chakra male chakra female chakra men are generally more earthy and fiery dense grounded and fiery female generally and we all have all of them in

us female are generally the female is generally emotional and intuitive people say Michael how come so many women are in the spiritual community studying spirituality why so many because getting into higher learning spirituality it's a heart chakra it's a female chakra why are males teaching it because that's the tradition that's the way that you know that's just coming from old school it doesn't matter if it's male or female don't obsess on that stuff but there's a lot of males but there's a lot of

females in there too now it's it's probably even close to even but it depends on who you're calling teachers because not all teachers are actually teachers some are just authors but but it's it's evening out quite a bit but why so many female students because they have an open mind and because they're intuitive they have heart more I'm not dissing males because these gals that are so open hearted and and again it's not sexist because this is the female chakra in us even a male who's open to

going and studying is accessing his heart chakra I'm just saying that generally speaking the archetype is male female male female so men are often earthy and fiery more intense females emotional this shouldn't be like something new to anybody you know we hear this all the time from people and and women are also intuitive so why so many women in the spiritual studies because their hearts are open and and that's a really great thing any teacher should be really grateful to see that that's what's happening but wasn't it

true that a hundred years ago fifty years ago it was so far more like even in the 70s predominantly male males were attending classes and so forth true why because the topics were more intellectual spirituality not intuitive spirituality intellectual spirituality so more males were attending because it was more masculine material so that's kind of how this works now my point though was a gal says to me oh I got rid of the fire you got now I got an earthy guy here's what's gonna happen I got rid of the fiery guy now I have a

safe guy and then five years two years ten years they're gonna be like oh Michael I'm so bored I don't know what to do I got this guy he's real safe but there's not as much passion and he's not that much into spirituality you wanted safe grounded seemingly stable and that's what you got and then there's people that'll say I've had too much of that really dense guy now I'm taking the pendulum on this the root can be not only safe and practical but it can be very dense heavy energy so a person can

say I'm with somebody who's got that and I want out of that then they go I found someone who's very heart centered which is feminine masculine feminine masculine feminine I found someone I really like this guy he's so and they don't know how to put it he's so nice not the grounded kind of nice that a positive earth would be but he's so nice but what'll happen is there's going to be a time where they realize I got a heart center guy who doesn't usually have a job he has a you

know 2-inch ponytail and goes to men's groups and you know he's in touch with him Alfe and all that but he I can't he doesn't show up on time and there's that males or females that are excessively Airy have their downside males or females excessively fiery even females that are fired can have a downside or emotional accepts physical excess they can be a drag but what's funny is that people don't even know how they're navigating there's no other category these this is us it's not like this gets

more complex this is us so you're always dealing with in this map so don't pretend that you're out on some other map this is the map of the human and so we're always navigating here don't don't pretend you can find some other thing you know some seventh finger down here somewhere over here it this is it or humaneness and so somebody says you know maybe a fiery person find somebody that feels like oh my god this woman is just right for me or it could be a male for that matter but let's use stereotypes for now

just to keep it simple this guy says I found or it's a woman that with fiery once fight falls in love and not knows that not knowing that that it's because they wanted someone who's softer sensitive emotional so they get together with them but then after so many months years whatever they start going god you're just so emotional all the time why do you always take you know things so seriously maybe because you said I hate you cuz that's a fiery kind of comment yeah but big deal you know I say

that to everybody you know it's like it's bizarre you're navigating in here and you don't even know it so try this out once in a while try out that why you drew a certain friend or partner or husband or wife why you drew certain people see my take is I don't want to draw any type of person to me like this I'm looking for being hold myself and then share that wholeness if you're in the human condition then you're going to be identifying with one of these I would rather identify the master

within all of these that's my work that's my consciousness that's my style and intention so that's the other way to do this if you're unhealed you can't because you're going to be compelled you're going to just be compelled to go one of these or another it's just the human condition so you can say well and it's not bad don't try to like say okay I'm done with this and I'm gonna go to Michael's version I want to start doing all of it start healing before you start

refilling so where are you are you really are you mostly earth water fire air or maybe a combination generally males are these two generally females are these two and that's why you you know you hear people say vvill a difference because they say you cannot reconcile the two well they can't those people that that tell you that men are just completely different Venus and Mars or whatever other archetypes or stereotypes or styles they use or metaphors that men are just man females or females and the best you can do is

know that they're different and try to kind of integrate that difference into your ability to try to talk to them so men you're gonna have to do this to be able to communicate to them women you're gonna have to do that to be able to communicate and that sounds like you have late living with the enemy and you're supposed to just put the weapons down temporarily and sort it out that's just that's not how it is done successfully it's better than nothing I guess but it's not how it's done

reality wise so what we learn to do is first of all own where we're at then we start to realize how did I end up really all earthy or watery or watery fiery Airy well how did I end up these okay I can see where a man yeah fireman that's my family Wow intense male energy or go you know trauma and female and and sensitivity and you know getting plowed over by the more intense in you know victims of the intense people how did I end up in the earthly you know level or so dense and I want to be intuitive and so on or how

did I end up so Airy or you know and so on but also then the next step is not only where am i but what am I also attracting because there's a chance remember some people will tell you like attracts like but actually opposites also attract I know you don't hear that half of the sentence but their actual sentence is like attracts like and opposites also attract which sounds like well then what that means is everything attracts well the more extreme it is in terms of like attracts like if it's extreme it'll attract sometimes likes to

itself but also opposites extremes often attract so if I'm excessively hardened in my heart I might attract a child into my life I have a child that's really out there emotional because it's there to try to help bring real me in a bit teach me to open my my heart more and get in touch with emotions more so I might be fiery the duality is not always these two extremes out here air and earth I might be fiery needing to bring in some emotion I might be earthy needing to bring some intuition and heart and love

and forgiveness I might be airy and forgiving needing some groundedness so see if you can detect is there a pattern of what kinds of people you attract that's one thing to check out for your own self inventory not only a pattern but look for the anomalies the opposites because we have we make choices that are sometimes basically mirroring exacts and other times opposites the opposites are like compensatory so it's kind of like instead of I'm really earthy you're really earthy and we hit it off that's

really great we're both earthy that does happen like attracts like but also opposites attract so I need something to compensate for my lack of you know the the whatever the air let's say I I'm so excessive earth I need something to compensate so watch not only for your regular patterns but look for the anomalies where sometimes you've gone earthy person earthy person earthy person air you know or fire fire fire water or something like that some movement from one to another that's one or two or three steps away from the one

you were in so just check it out and see because that'll tell you a little bit about yourself and it also will tell you about the relationship you're in now and I swear it would be so great if you took time to say I can see now how trauma and healing reflected my relationships because when I was traumatized in my life I drank a lot drinking attracted a lot more other people like me wounded in to my life then I wanted to heal and I swung way over into spirituality ultra spirituality hanging out with all kinds

of spiritual people for a long time then you might realize that then when you did that it lacked some groundedness so the last piece to this puzzle that I'm getting to is not only are you to look for patterns but also the anomalies that the the when you're compensating those kinds of moments not only the example I gave of a man but also a woman and you know he displeased to all genders and all ages for that matter especially in maturing years you know past you know when you're dating and all that your

father might have been firing you might attract somebody who's bothered whether you're male or female you might attract somebody who's fiery of course a boss for that matter or friends that mirror your dad but let's say your father was very fiery well then you might attract a partner that's fiery that means essentially they're gonna mirror your father stuff you might not want to believe that so you put it off for a while but at some point you go home I god I can't believe this if you're using Michael's analogy

here fire I got fire man that's intense I got intensity see the hair color might not be the same the height that should body shape a lot of things so you miss it try this Wow I got more fire you also can say because there's more to you than meets the eye instead of just choosing fire you might go I refuse I refuse to do fire Matt my dad was fiery so you consciously or unconsciously go and get something that could be seemingly an opposite maybe they're gonna be a more emotional maybe they'll be more grounded

but the you know that's just gonna be compensatory it's going to be a seeming opposite but the opposites that are created out of compensation are never authentic they're only temporary remedies kind of like saying I'm so hot man it's hot out it's really or it's really cold and then you splash yourself with the opposite temperature of water wow that cooled me off or that warmed me up wait a few minutes and see if it does the same thing an hour later a few minutes later 10 hours later 10 days

later if it's still a 110 degrees you know you don't go splash and go well that covered me for a week it's gonna only last so long so it'll all come around and you'll realize you know most people won't realize what's happened and why things are falling apart now what I was leading to earlier and I'm gonna start coming to a close here is that it really helps for us to say I'm not a victim of the world I see and then add other words like I'm not a victim of the relationships I see I'm

not a victim of the finances I see I'm not a victim of the romance I'm not whatever topic comes up you know I'm not a victim of all the category of life I'm not a victim of relationships though and and so I can see where I didn't just get a guy who was more intellectual because fire is also intellect so you might attract from let's say you're doing a lot of emotional stuff and then you go and get a guy and you got more fire sometimes this chakra will be more an intellect neurological firing it's what the fire

is still there its intellectual nervous system its brain activity so it can take a different form of fire and trick you so you go well this person isn't fiery like raging but you might find them intellectual and so it's a safer version of fire but still it's fire so kind of be a you know practice being able to to know and discern where you are because becoming responsible I'm not a victim of this I'm responsible on participating so I I drew some some fire to me some water to me some emotion you know some earthen

and just start to see it and it'll help you go oh I totally get it now I totally get it I can see why that made sense I wanted the grounding or it could be something else so I've known people that to say well I was with an intellectual type of fiery guy or an Arri type of guy we'll use the guy in analogy right now and then they go let's say air got an eerie kind of a guy and then they say I met another guy that was totally different I loved it oh my god it was wonderful because it might have been

fiery but they also might say I like an earthy guy because an earthy man or woman could be sensual or sexual because that's earthy but sometimes sexualities fire mixed with earth earth root chakra sacks but fire can intensify the sex so let's say there's an air or water that says oh my god I found a new partner and it's all the sex is fantastic but all they did was take air and water and go find some opposite so now they're going it went from you know a bit of an emotional experience in the

sex or whatever very Airy or whatever it was it was very kind of Alta drifty and then they go and I got somebody who's more fiery but with the fire intensity of the sex comes a person with rage when you're not having sex or when you are for that matter and then you go I don't you know I like the sexual route part but I don't like the fire that comes with it but take responsibility and say I was trying to compensate and get some more masculine energy in my life somehow the other people I was with even if it

was a woman talking about a male they might have been in some ways even if they had their negative manipulative energy at times deep down there were wimps now I got somebody who seems strong well how long is that going to feel okay to you because the Strom can become overbearing so I said the last category of all this is what you really want is not for someone to be something is you want them to be whole and if you want them to be whole you have to work on your own wholeness first you have to learn to embrace all aspects categories

of yourself and then include your spiritual self become more whole so what do I do if I'm in a relationship I mean Michael thanks this would have helped about 25 years ago but what am I going to do now I'm in a relationship and I'm here and they're there or I'm here and they're there or whatever what do I do now well it depends how intense the situation is but if I feel like I'm emotional and heart centered and I've got some real majorly fiery person and they want to fight and blurt and

whatever every so often I don't care if that fire also makes me feel good sexually heck with it something's off I would consider ending it if it's really intense so what if it's not intense what if it's an intellect you'll type of person or we're very grounded simple you know kind of person it could be that the root sometimes then what do I do you can talk to them as long as it's not intense and fiery dangerous talk if they seem intelligent and if they seem grounded or one or the other talk and

say honey you know I really did this man and you've been the safest person if it's a grounded person you know for example you've been a safe person for me or an Arri person you've been a safe person for me it's great compliment them and and I feel this is a positive and tactful way of saying it and I feel so so grateful and and into you and into this relationship that I I just sometimes I want to feel more passion with this relationship see that's a tactful way of instead of saying you're

not passionate enough you say this is so good I would like more passion if that's where the thing that were the thing missing and they might say you're right I get it let's do that and they might say if they're excessively here first if they're here they might go what because grounding could be very simple what do you mean you know more passionate what do you mean by passionate this one the sometimes hyper intellectual would be like why don't you go ahead and do that and just send me the cliff notes you

know like I am NOT interested you know I'm busy and so on and that can break the heart of the pursuer you know but it's good to ask and then you have to ask yourself they say if they say no if they say yes it's great news if they say no you have to ask yourself is everything really so cool other than this so together that I think I can handle that or it could be I can't handle it but we have children that are you know a few years underage and I'm gonna wait till they grow up build up and then make

change maybe or it could be like I said that you know you know then we're missing a piece but that's okay I feel really okay about it as long as you know yourself and that you could afford that but you might also say all right I'm glad you told me and I want to say something honey when we got together very often this is true when we got together you were already a really grounded practical person you were already very intelligent we're already very artistic you were already very sensitive you were already and I knew that and it

worked for the time but I've changed some things about myself I'm not accusing you of having changed in fact it often is us guys so you can say honey it was really I change you know I'm not shaming myself for changing but I am saying that where I might have wanted you don't have to take out the fingers that start pointing and you know doing the technique and exercise you like Michael gave you but you can just say I can see where where I really love that about you grounded and all that but I can also see

something in me that I'm wanting to come out more and experience some more zest and gusto and you know zeal for life you know and sometimes when I have advised that this kind of thing in workshops or lectures they go home people go home and talk to pers and some of them scratch their head and go I have no idea what you're saying others will say oh yeah I've seen those changes and you're right I don't think it's going to work but I love you and they part amicably and other times there's other there's other variations

of the response I would say to you in general it would be a lot I would be exaggerating to say it goes well two out of ten times it's more likely one and I'm not trying to be negative here I'm just telling you that given all the background we have with people given the investment of time and you know they don't always easily go oh you must be talking about that finger thing Michael was talking about I totally get it let's end let's let's just end at peace and you know or nor will they say hey would it

be holistic with me it just isn't always gonna happen that way so you know I'm sorry to have to deliver that news and it's neither it's not something you you need to obsess on and and be afraid of it's more like you could just say well it's kind of a bummer that humans are like that isn't it that's the way I would say it god I would like this to be simple man but you know humans they react they defend they offend and so I'm just gonna do my best to get get my own side of the street

cleaned up as they say in 12 steps but it's I'm just gonna work kind of work this through in my mind so that when I have these kinds of conversations I don't get overly reactive in any way I instead I want to kind of come across like not like it's all premeditated and look then to make them defend it's more like I want to just be informed I want to be clear about what I'm saying why I'm saying like so don't just hear me lecture about it really get in your mind your own interpretation so that you

feel comfortable and confident when you're having the conversation it's kind of like saying make an informed decision and not kind of rash and certainly not well I heard this guy say this so I'm going to blurt it out ten minutes from now really try it on zip it up button it up wear it and make sure you feel like you understand it and if you missed this point this wasn't just advice about relationship it was trauma and healing because this thing that we're gonna do by talking to people and saying hey

would you like to join me in a higher level more holistic level would you like to part ways or whatever you're gonna plan on doing with all this part of this is about recognizing not do or die for them it's I recognize where my wounds and/or healing has infiltrated into my life my wounds have caused me to need this to compensate for that my healing has helped me become more balanced and more balanced and more balanced so how are you doing it's just another way of looking at yourself to see how you're doing

in your healing process okay everything should start looking a bit more healthy and it doesn't mean stuff doesn't come up you know you could be as tied together integrated healthy whole and all that and still there will be pieces stuff comes up on planet earth and you needn't toss it all out and get all upset just recognize it as soon as you can and learn to see our people mirroring certain topics I remember one time there was a period of about a year where it seemed like especially females that I met males too but especially

females they were all a particular sign of the zodiac I won't say which one it is but it was kind of I knew it I could see it just like doing this earth what a fire instead it was signs of the zodiac because that also could apply it shake cept there's 12 so it becomes harder to see the patterns as easily as just four so I remember I met this one gal and I think she needed a ride somewhere or something and okay you know we just map it okay you need to right let me get me right we got in the car and somehow god

only knows because it wasn't like a spiritual workshop or something it was just somebody that needed right and however it was that the topic came up guess what sighing I am I'm like I bet it's this one they're like whoa you are like intuitive you're a psychic and I'm like no no IIIi might be but that's not how I knew this it's like because there was a a a stereotype of an archetype that was you know leaching leaking into spilling over into my life at the time just like this this is around 1990 and

it was like wow I could see that that archetype you know bleeding into my life into it was like wow and so it's kinda it was kind of cool and kind of informative to go what does this mean how can I integrate this myself so it could be signs of the zodiac you're seeing it could be other types of things that won't go into that you can see as a pattern but this is a real a real simple one and it's this close to you to be able to see it you don't have to study a whole lot to figure it out it sort of

water fire air and just kind of remember that each of these has different there's different aspects extremes you might call it of each of these they're not all just one-dimensional there's you know like I said fire can be intense fire or it can be intellectual fire those can look very different an intellectual can seem very poison you know soft-spoken in a sense but centered but it's still fired but it's just taking a different direction okay so thank you so much for joining I pray you're doing well in your life and that

this can be applied in a way that can make a difference if you apply it it will make a difference and please share some feedback if you're in my member I have a friends of Michael Muir dad they spoke group and in that group you could you know you can join and participate I think we flattened it out we we emptied the group at one time because I had thousands of people a few thousand people in there and I noticed that out of a few thousand only so many actually participate and it's part of that's because some people love just being in

groups and go I'm in like 20 Facebook groups that's exactly the opposite of what I'm like I'm like you're not participating goodbye and so we took three thousand and drop them all every one and we just leveled it you know and then we started over so we have like about two hundred and fifty now you know and it's it's kind of cool but you can join and it's a it's a group but you it's a private group but you can join us and there you can share a bit more you can say guys I'm happy to be joining and

you know this is new for me or you can say I love this because I'm I've been studying a long time whatever just be honest we don't want preachy people in the group and it isn't Michael only talking it's everyone sharing feedback like they're actually friends with each other but it's also it's under the umbrella that it's Michael so I have guidelines and rules which is no preaching but it's also you know positive and other things like that in the group so join the group if you feel

called blessings to you all god bless you in heart mind body soul and we'll see you soon bye bye