Tirade: Intimacy and Sexuality

based on a conversation I just had with somebody I wanted to to share some feedback you know I must have talked about relationships I don't know a thousand times here just alone in this Center not to mention on the road and having written books and so forth about it but we definitely have to consider creating more fulfilling relationships in our lives but one of the categories most challenges when it comes to fulfilling relationships and I mean fulfilling relationships means that would you know one with God one with ourselves

relationship and one with others but one of the most important essentials in our relationship with others has to do with intimacy and I'm only talking briefly about this we've done workshops and all that but just some quick feedback around this topic of sexuality you know what did I hear a please okay okay it kind of just slipped out usually when people talk about this topic you know there's it's it's the same or they're selling something or promoting something all I keep saying pretty

consistently is we have to change our perceptions around all topics on earth all topics we're not making one topic better or worse all topics have to be seen from different eyes but from a human standpoint sexuality is one of the more twisted ones one of the most one of the more challenged ones given abuses given that even middle ages guys the church kind of created this to be a challenge topic you know you like prosperity shaming the topic so we have our fair share of challenges and it doesn't help that there's so many

inhibitions and abuse is kind of projected onto this topic as well and it doesn't help that people act so addictively when it comes to this topic so it's strange because even when I speak up about hyper sexual I I believe people need to back off a bit you know it's about sacredness so just in this brief tirade oh I'm just saying you know lighten up ease up and we need to honor ourselves we will never know how to share sacred sexuality with others if we do not have a sacred experience within ourselves first if we

don't have love and respect here it's never gonna look it out there and we'll just continue blaming the world and blaming people and blaming partners for that which is unhealed within ourselves so yeah right an a man even look at that and and really and that's how we become a healthy example to others it's it's by getting it you know right within ourselves now I do find it sad and unfortunate no no offense and no stereotyping meant but I do find it sad in a you know unfortunate that we so

often hear about males being unhealthy that's where a lot of the blame seems to go and I understand that you know that too has to change and I'm speaking in a sense to the guys here if if the topic is gonna change on the stereotype and judgments about guys is gonna change somebody's got to start it so I believe we have to learn to hold safer space for all human beings men and women old and young you know all beings learning to be a safe being within ourselves and then bringing that to the world I mean to me

that's how this stuff changes so we have to raise our integrity level guys so that people have and find a safer place to be themselves so and you know I find it to happen a lot you know the sort of the blaming somebody blaming somebody about one's own wounds around sexuality the the blaming is not going to heal this topic it's not going to help at all and in fact makes it worse now I know somebody who once said to me Michael I need to share this with you I'm just having such a difficulty with sexuality

and so forth what's going on I'm just fed up with spiritual teachers using me for sexuality yeah well you spiritual teacher that's kind of a drag but wait how did it happen more than once and you didn't catch on no I mean right wait you just told me this keeps happening so immediately we go into the guisard not being nice but I go wait a second wait a second something else is is amiss here why do you keep doing that so as much as we can and often say guys you know need to be healthier and I find guys to be

that do that the guys that are using like that or usery oriented I find that to be pretty shallow to say the least I don't dig it I don't agree with it I find it to be very shallow there's just a there's this an addictiveness to it however I also would say to the gals involved including guys and guys and gals a girl relationships you have to honestly hear me please patiently stop being attracted to such guys stop finding not just attracted stop finding them attractive stop being attracted and

finding characteristics about edgy unavailable oh go ahead narcissistic go ahead good would you like sociopaths great we're having a history lesson over here happy Wow it's worse than I thought the the machoism stop being attracted why are you attracted to attract it look inside because if you're attracted to it you're enabling it and making it attractive to them to keep that behavior just next line learn to say no and I have somebody say to me yesterday well a friend of mine you know is you know just met

somebody and it's very it's wonderful you know this is a person who I've counseled because they had this propensity all through their life to jump in the sack and so I've talked to this person and they've backed off on that said I'm gonna I'm gonna take time to grow enos and so on now they just met somebody new and I'm hearing the possibility that they did the same thing again but they're different is what I was told that's what I was told it's it's okay that they're jumping in the

sack because they're different now I said no not if they're still doing the same thing they got different a little bit they worked on it got a little shift going on but they may have just ended up back in the same place so you have to really be careful I'm just being you're gonna end this here but at the end of your life when all is said and done and you're on the other side will you be able to say that you were better will you be able to say I'm no I'm done I'm not attracted to

that now if you do it like a person who's addicted who says you don't you know want or need that and then do it again you're you're a hypocrite I'm talking about when you actually get it when in mind body and soul it's not an option it's just not even they're not you know huh I wish it weren't there and you're eating your nail you know chewing your nails and I'm not talking about when you pretend it's not there and you're anxious over it there's a point where

you just realize enough is enough and you can do that in one of two ways guys and gals one of two ways the easy way or the hard way you either just you either come to so much pain so many sociopaths so many Psychopaths so many narcissists that you've got wait why am I even attracted to and there's all kinds of reasons oh I'm attracted to narcissist why oh I get it I like confident guys it's a false confidence so you're wrong for being attracted to him so what you're really telling me is you're attracted to

dysfunction why is that let's look at it up root it toss it I know you want to testify too over there but several of you so so I will say this this gal said to me in that conversation I was sharing earlier I said what what she needs to do if - you've tried to prove to me that this person's healthier now this new partnership then let's see if she can make it a few months without intimacy the answer was well that's asking a lot that's asking a lot why is that asking a lot well you know because

it's difficult people get lonely and so so you're not healed if you're allowing that to still drive you and let me just explain in case you don't know this the type of people that would be attracted to you when they know you're gonna put out in three-and-a-half hours isn't great anyway we've known each other three hours now you know clearly we're over there right whew that's you know man yeah that's that's how deep or shallow of a person you're gonna get based on how quickly you'll

sell yourself out that's the depth of being you're gonna get so we all have to take a bit more responsibility and and when I said no they can wait a few months you know and and and to know that you're getting a healthy guy it's a guy that wouldn't be pushing or a guy who's avoidant of sex himself and that's worth looking at but it's a guy that maybe pushing is not maybe healthy and you know what I heard you show me a guy that's willing to wait three months right right uh-huh how unusual for you

to be speaking up about this and and you know what what I was able to say is I know guys that I've met in this room that are the type that could easily do that so I know it's not only possible it is it's here it happens I've met such guys and the guys in this room we need to be more like that and guys and gals if it means you don't get lucky as often because you're devoting to your healthiness so be it and what are you to give me an argument about that how could you even come up with a healthy argument

against the idea of wait and invest in yourself go ahead please explain oh yeah the Peter Pan whose shows interest and then she's gone it's it--sometimes 'mentally sometimes emotionally sometimes sexually so you know what you got you got human beings and they got problems so we need to grow relationships and get to know each other because if you and I get together and I'm a Peter Pan type of stereotype archetype you'll get to know that about me and if we grow the relationship we'll work this out together so you can help

me heal that part of me why else are we together we're not here just to you know get lucky and and if you go by those standards man go to Vegas you'll have a lot better odds but but but honestly if if we're gonna do this get the deeper healing get to the deeper healing and it doesn't matter if it's gay or straight relationships it's all the same watch for the patterns and talk about them it's only when a partner doesn't want to talk about refuses to talk about doesn't want to heal refuses to heal or

grow that I might have to say I'm done but just because we're together doesn't mean you know and when there's issues means it's hopeless that's what we're here to do is work on stuff so we work on what they bring up in us patterns and such and we also show enough love and patience to work on them and be together we're here to grow together not just to get stuff from each other it's when they're refusing to even note that there's a pattern of hypersexuality Peter Pan syndrome or

whatever it happens to be that's when I would say you have a really good argument to say maybe there's too much water under the bridge and you move on but you don't move on as though your holier-than-thou you move on and did you or did you not get your lessons from this so you can learn the easy way or the hard way and the hard way is again those challenging beating up kinds of relationship karmic relationships but there is an easier way which is just to say you know what not because I feel beat up again just because it makes

sense I think I'd like to work on myself just because it makes sense I think I'm going to say no because it feels right to just take some time off from that so there there's whole talks there's whole workshops and all that on the topic I'm just reiterating and again for the cause of sake of whomever here that happens in need and apparently it's several but all things are perceived either from God or from the ego I have no neutral thoughts and sexuality is one that's so riddled with ego it's

it's sad and it's tragic but it doesn't have to remain like that so we devote to a greater healing and we do our blissful work and we do our prayers and mantras and chanting whatever but we also on a practical level have to make different decisions girls and guys please stop being attracted and finding attractive dysfunctional behaviors someone has to say no but if you're still attracted to dysfunctional behaviors don't blame those people that keep hurting you ask yourself why it's even intriguing and

think about walking away from that kind of behavior ok yes dear yes right the the media and the world promotes this idea of what is attractive for example hot sex you know seems like oh and there's men and women enjoying that that like wow look at the passion of that scene you know this this dysfunctional voyeuristic concept in us consciousness in us wow that's sometimes it's feels emotionally stimulating sometimes physically but where's that coming from because I've said this many times in the

yogic tradition hot sex the word hot is synonymous with the same word shallow so that which seems so hot and inviting in a scene in a movie is synonymous with the word shallow does that seem exciting because if it does you need years of therapy oh I can't wait yet what I want really shallow no no consciousness you know wow we have work to do man so so we've got a you know if not us then who and if not now when are we going to change this so let's do our best to encourage not what the media tells you

that world's supposed to look like they're wrong and the word wrong some people have a hard time with that you know when we hear the word sin it actually means error and so when once upon a time we're like we don't want to hear the word sin anymore we'll wait get the right interpretation when we allow ourselves to believe in anything other than God would have us believe such as our own value we are technically sinning or what making a mistake now don't defend it don't hide for don't pretend

it ain't happening you are wrong you made a mistake to think that you're less than valuable so what you do is you switch it I do have value and if you have value again please you I can't even express enough how dysfunctional it is to be attracted to dysfunction it does it plant seeds it enables it just it makes it grow somebody's got to stop it and we have to to say no and if it means getting lucky a little less often so be it to thine own healthy self be true alright thanks for listening to that

you're welcome that's not a rant that's a tirade