Responsibility and Boundaries

so today let's take a moment we're going to talk about I guess love and other things and by the way welcome everybody around the world that's tuning in to us it's kind of cool because what we share here is shared with the world all the same things you hear in A Course in Miracles you know you can't have something and not share it and expect to keep it so it's kind of nice that we're sharing it to another level and it's quite amazing there are people you know we're all in this room and there's folks in this room

from other countries there's folks in this room from other states that come to visit partly and I hear a lot of you say I came here to be in this room to be part of these sacred services for the week that I'm here and so on so I mean we're really really honored with that and to imagine that there's people in their homes in Argentina in Japan and the Philippines and here and there tuning in to you know be part of this and I just think that's incredible it's something that occurred to me oh my gosh

it must be 15 or so years ago I thought kind of a dream of being able to do this but the Technologies just weren't there so I just totally did my best to keep it out of my mind until the day would come when it couldn't be manifest that's why I'm so grateful for the folks that pitch into this so I'd like to talk about love but not just love and not just partner love love at a deeper level but in a grounded sort of a way and along with love I want to talk about some things that people tend to struggle

with um and this brochure that was given to me was talking about you know struggling with you know the idea of God and why does God allow things to go wrong in our relationships why does God allow war and so on and it's amazing because humans sit around and actually think about these things um and there is no answer to that question because as soon as you insist that God is the one doing this you can't actually get an answer other than your own and sometimes they're beautiful they're just wrong

but they're beautiful you know what I think God is I think God is doing this just ripping us apart because he's trying to teach us and that's like putting some isn't that nice and God's like no hable English I've got nothing to do with any of this I've got no ask for my presence ask to get out of the way and feel and be and think and speak my presence and everything would be fine Edge Me Out start trying to manufacture your own day-to-day lives and here's what you're going to get

it isn't a punishment from God it's our own lack of divinity that creates a lack of a Divine Life a lack of our awareness of Who We Are so we we have what that's called is a lack of responsibility so you know I I sit in board meetings I do consultations with people I hear feedback from people read books you know and brochures and it's amazing that humans are trying to figure this out but they're still putting into the context of God is doing it to us and you can't have a loving true accurate answer come

with that already predetermined statement why does God do this means you're the answer any answer you get is going to have to be because what because God loves because God's trying to teach us but it's still going to be God's fault somebody's got to ask a different question maybe it isn't god well then who is it I think it's those people it's still outside of ourselves and as long as you're still talking about others which is outers then there's no you outers others like Udders it makes you an utter

failure to blame everything on other people that was wait that was Swami channeling through me so the farce is with me okay so so we have to think I talked last week about multi-dimensional consciousness multi-dimensional consciousness and we have to start to recognize relationships are the last place you should be thinking so linearly blaming if I'm not happy it's your fault linearly if I'm happy it's because you're so wonderful to me until they're not now I'm unhappy again and it's your

fault so one minute I'm crediting you for my happy days and then I'm blaming you for my unhappy days but it's still some other other person and it's so strange because this world teaches nothing but that that everything's outside of us and we can't we cannot find God nor self nor any of the qualities of those love peace Joy abundance while in that state of mind of outer projecting or transference for that matter so we have to think more multi-dimensionally some people will say relationships are defined

as men are different from women and we start stereotyping Mars and Venus and Pluto and Saturn and whatever else and that's not actually going to help anybody I'm sometimes struck by people who say well here's here's a great way that we can do communication from now on let's learn to just agree to disagree why don't we learn to Agree to Agree what about that option how can people keep leaving out other options better options just like the why does God do this and we're now stuck with a negative

answer so what about this there is no real men and men and women being different even if it's within same gender relations the masculine one is going to be different from the Femme it doesn't make sense to me but I'm I'm weird so you might not agree with me after all I'm done here today because I'm a little odd well I'm very odd but but the way I think about things I go well wait wait that doesn't make sense that we're supposed to just Viva La difference where's the connection part I think men

and women people get along better by finding their connections than by accepting their differences maybe that's a step humans sometimes they need to start with baby steps so they're fine fine but try eventually to think into the big steps like the connection how we agree and that's how what's called bridging so instead of saying well I see your point that's valid for you mine's different let's just agree to disagree shake hands which means I don't really like you but I'm going to practice non-violent

communication even though I want to strangle you I'm not going to do it because I'm non-violent it's not real that's not real I'm sorry man but that's not real how how can you instead of walking away with a little angst a difference because under that difference is angst they're still not seeing your way and you can pretend you're okay with that but you're not because your ego is involved and your ego is never happy so what's really happening then I could also just say well wait

I don't think I agree with that point but I think I'm starting to understand how you came to that any amount of reaching bridging their direction is good it's healthy and how beautiful to open our minds to to understand where people are coming from without trying to change them or force them into a different thought I mean here's something as simple as this we played a song earlier today it it really was a little bit before my total awareness of music I was there into it but that that tune didn't really

work I mean I wasn't into that tune wasn't into that band and so forth there was a difference between me and them and I had to get over that I had to huh why is that song in my mind I don't know and I put it out of my mind because it's not my kind of music not my kind of band but when I set it aside and I thought but why is it coming to me and I sat down and I googled the lyrics I went oh my God so cool to be wrong it's so nice to be wrong because I had an opinion you know there was no harsh hurt behind

it or any harsh judgment behind it it was a mild one and that was that you know not into that sort of thing that wasn't my particular style for its various reasons and even the culture of the time it's not just wasn't my thing and then I listen to it I'm going and I couldn't get it out of my head days I'm walking around singing That Tune and then I said man this is going to be amazing to share it here because just that simple as a little song that seems different there's a healing by my

expanding my mind enough to see what that what that was about and there was depth and Beauty there that I didn't see when I was in a different state of mind we all have to practice expanding the mind to be able to see these other pieces not just going well will just differ we'll just agree to differ that music's not my thing I'm over here it's over there let me try it let me try and understand what they're saying in this tune and then it ended up downloading a few songs from that band because that's what

healing looks like it's just a metaphor but that's what healing looks like all of a sudden I'm more accepting of other pieces to things and now I feel at peace around it I didn't even know I wasn't at peace around it but when we open ourselves up to expand our Consciousness spirit will find all those little bits that are not yet healed it doesn't mean we're bad that stuff still shows up we're human but it's nice what what are you going to do about it once these pieces show up

why did you come across that picture out of the blue you thought you had ceremoniously burned every picture of that person from your past now we're done with them you know 18 years later you're going through a book like your Bible you know or something that to make it even more funny that your picture of your ex is in your Bible or something and it falls out and it's like Oh and it can grip you that's an opportunity it look at it as hey here's some extra bits you hadn't finished with

you know did you did you not notice it when your stomach gripped you know so this is what life's going to do it's going to bring around these residual bits so our relationship we're learning to here here's what it comes to in a nutshell there's three relationships we have godself and others but the relationship with self is the bridge between God and others you know the bridge we're the bridge the relationship with ourselves is the bridge between the one with God and others so if I disconnect from God and

try to change the world I can't be as effective I have to have all three relationships flowing in that order God inspires me I integrate those Inspirations and become them and then I make a difference in the world then there's those of us who don't have the middle relationship with us we get Inspirations and then we try to preach them to the world see that's different again God others no work on self that doesn't work then some of us are very monk like God himself we just stay away from others

[Laughter] once again that's not actually complete God's self and others I mean some of us are like well the gods and self is great I I it's others I have problems with you know and I've shared this many times but the old Bob Newhart Show I've shared this a few times and I think it's hilarious but Mr Carlin he was the guy that talked like this hi Bob so in a short version of the story he comes in hey Bob and Miss Bob Newhart's you know hey Miss crawling how's it going well I did the homework you gave me and he had

a stack of papers this big what's that you got he said well you asked me to make a list of all the people I hate and the paper stack is this big listen to this and Bob Newhart comes back with a Zinger well why didn't you just bring the whole New York phone book Mr Carlin goes because Summer from out of town isn't that great like oh what a wonderful little twist you know so we can't just well God and I are doing great that's what a lot of that that aesthetic contempt us to do stay in our homes and away from the world and

it's tempting man it's tempting when we see stuff on this planet we don't usually go apparently I have some work to do and help Humanity today because they're acting insane what we do is go man people are so nuts I'm out of here I'm just gonna sit back and be holy but how can you be whole holy without some it doesn't make any sense so in a nutshell there needs to be this idea of a better relationship with ourselves and we can actually even be good partners to others without a healthy

self so I need to have a good relationship with God and with self and bring that to others but the healthy relationship with self and bringing it to others means affection and connection and communication but the relationship with self has to rely heavily on this responsibility and in a nutshell how do we become more responsible people you have to have practice like self-inventory self observation self-awareness how do you have a relationship with self if you don't know yourself so it takes time to kind of get to know

each other how meditation asking yourself questions like man I'm feeling agitated what's that about what am I really feeling or asking yourself questions like when when I feel rejected what does that bring up and why you know just even doing an inventory like that 12-step work we have to have a relationship with self and I've heard you know the new agey people say well you know Michael talks about you have to kind of get clearer before you can really speak without judgment so what they'll do is they'll

get ticked off go hold it okay I'm clear and then tell me or whomever you know their judgments they think that just pausing and taking a breath makes it all okay to go back to judgmental thinking you can't you can't actually do it so here's here's the trick there's a statement in the Bible the Lord watches my coming in and my going out and a meaning to that that I had realization on many years ago and it's I just think it's amazing the Lord watches my coming in am I going out what it

means in part is when I have anything happen in my life I am asking God to guide me inside instead of outside telling everybody what I think of them the Lord's going to guide me to go inside why so that I can look at what it brings up in me I can learn about myself I can learn to see what my responsibility is and what's happening very nice and then after I go inside me I go a step further and commune with God could but that's only the coming in what about the going out after I commune with God then I come out so

you've done something to me you said something that hurt my feelings or made me upset I need to go inside instead of just telling you you're bad wrong I need to go inside and I check in and see what's going on wow what's this really about the linear mind would say I don't have to go inside they're just bad they're mean they're wrong Course in Miracles do you want to be writer do you want to be happy so I think I'm going to go inside because my happiness won't come from

making them wrong or beating them down or defeating them in a debate so what I'm going to do is I'm going to go inside and then I go inside and I go oh my God what's this how weird and it could be anything it'd be the smallest issue it could be a mosquito buzzing around your head and it annoys you and you go well Michael said this works on anything so what the heck fine I'm aware that this mosquito is annoying me let me just look inside as Michael suggested as silly as this is I'm just going to look inside find

mosquitoes you know they kind of bug me who else has ever bugged me in my life why do things bug me because they won't go away oh what's coming up everybody everybody have you ever had a relationship everybody that ever lived with me I wish you were not here mosquito and all this other stuff's coming out and the mosquitoes just all I know is I heard someone say I would like somebody to bug me so I thought you'd be a great person to zoom in and see if it was you and so what's happening is the outside

world is having these things happen to reflect to us unresolved pieces in ourselves the mosquitoes fulfilling that purpose and people do this too I'd be so happy if this person weren't in my life if they weren't are playing a role in my movie but what we have to learn to ask ourselves is why did we decide to play a horror movie today we can say why is this person in my movie but ask yourself why you the the person who wrote the script hired the actors filmed the film pushed play on watching it and it ended up being a horror movie

well when you hire people for horror movies you want those kinds of actors so it's kind of amazing that the people that we least like are often not liked for doing such a great job at playing a certain role but what we don't want to do is admit that we played a part in the particular theme of the movie if I have loneliness then I'm going to be one of those directors that films a lot of those kinds of movies the musicians that play the background music are going to be like this loneliness and sadness it

won't be kind of music it's going to be something else and if you want a horror movie kind of a thing then you need another screechy weird kind of sound every believe it or not everything we're experiencing is perfect and some people use that phrase they have no idea what it means well it's all perfect and they think it means it's all happening perfect divine order as God wants it no as you want it God again has nothing to do with it God's saying well I wouldn't recommend any horror movies especially when you

mix horror movies with Romance I just don't think I would do it but do what you want I would just say and if you do it here's what I recommend use it to learn and heal because then you still find God even through the horror movies mixed with Romance you know because that's weird if you walk down an aisle and you hear music hmm weird romance with Horrors and music sound effects but nobody wants to pay attention so we have to listen what is the music being played meaning what kinds of signs and symbols are coming up in my life

if I find my stomach turning every time I'm going to work something's off if I find myself tense when I think about sharing intimacy with a partner something's not right listen to the sound in the music that doesn't match the the the movie you're hoping you're watching listen to it listen to the sound listen to the feelings listen to the body and so on not to say over analyze them but open our minds to experience a bit more of what's really happening so responsibility is is a huge part of our

what we're missing and the problem is a lot of people think responsibility means blame and it doesn't there's a quote from A Course in Miracles I just printed out and it's as follows first of all a Taoist saying which I've shared before but to know others is wise but to know yourself is enlightenment and that's just says that just says it all right there now A Course in Miracles is going to say to you our power of decision is the determiner of every situation in which we seem to find ourselves by chance or accident no

accident or chance is possible within the universe of God as God created it outside of which there is nothing so there is no possibility of things Just Happening by chance it's all first in our belief systems and then experienced as a manifestation why to show us our belief systems why would the universe which is actually the Divine mother show us why would she materializes something that doesn't even seem great it's not very wonderful why is she doing that because she's showing us where we are on and where we are off

so she materialized she doesn't have any judgment about it she doesn't have any investment in it it's just she Taps into your heart and soul and says what are you about and if your heart and soul says I still have some abandonment issues she says and so it is and then she'll materialize as another story of abandonment not trying to harm us but simply saying what do you think here here look at me I'm abandonment what do you think so that we can go I don't really like that I think I'm

gonna I think enough is enough no more abandonment no more low self-worth or whatever the pattern is I think I'd like to change something then she says and so it is we change our Consciousness and she materializes in the new form the drag is she can't just fix us she can't materialize in a form that we haven't yet believed in Consciousness so it's this isn't just a a little lecture mini lecture on positive thinking because even your thinking comes from your beliefs I'm saying again for the

millionth time in my teachings over the years everything stems from our beliefs about Who We believe We Are then the thinking comes then the emotions come and then the manifestation comes but it all starts in our beliefs and then not only of who we believe we are but who we believe everyone else is because I can say I think I'm actually quite wonderful but other people are a problem you're actually seeing in them things you don't like that are hidden in you still so if there's only a relationship with

one how am I doing so I have to look at my relationship with all and let's say that you go I'm down to loving all nearly seven billion people on the planet except one they're kind of annoying that one is still caring for you the last bit that is your salvation if I can figure out what that last thing is and resolve it I'm back into my Divine mind so why wouldn't I want to do that you see and people are afraid because this world teaches us that the the the the the the path that the the journey in life is

supposed to be outer and not inner and when we learned that that path needs to be turned and we go this direction the ego self and the world supports that if you try to look within you're going to find things you don't like I mean if you look within you might find memories of being molested you might find people that didn't love you you might even go to past lives where people murdered you and they're now in your life you know I don't carpooling used to be okay now all of a sudden I had some

inner journey and I saw who everybody was and the roles we played and the guy sitting next to me killed me an ancient Rome fed me to the Lions and he wants to stop at Burger King I'm getting weird feelings I'm getting weird feelings I don't know that I can mind if we go to a vegan restaurant instead you know so think about that that's what what happened can you handle that because if you want to be enlightened that means the light comes on all things and all of a sudden you're aware and you

can handle it can you can you handle knowing that the person who you're now in love with was once a slave owner and you were one of their slaves can you can you go through that and release it and and find love again with them not the love that's compelled from a past life but a fresh new I forgive you love most people don't think they can do that most people don't even want to try but in our belief that we can't pull that off we found ourselves bound we find ourselves bound we have to deepen our understanding of

things and don't just sit around liking some and not liking others and talk about quantum physics and multi-dimensional Consciousness because then you're a hypocrite how can you go to multi-dimensions of Consciousness when you haven't even healed the Third Dimension the people around you it makes no sense and it's hypocrisy so for me to expand into higher dimensional Consciousness should never be through synthetic means and I don't just mean synthetic chemicals even organic chemicals that set you into higher dimensions that's

not the best route and and again some people don't dig me saying that well too bad you know stop getting so wasted to find God because it ain't gonna happen find God through love love is organic the more loving we are the more our we expand into multi-dimensionality force it through anything force it and it's synthetic to some degree or another you want to know God you want to expand into higher dimensionality multi multiple dimensions of Consciousness you raise your Consciousness I mean isn't that simple math I want to go to higher

Dimensions well then get higher Consciousness not get high get higher Consciousness people are like oh but that takes time watch this I see all kinds of cool things you're actually destroying brain cells and you're seeing the reflection of that everything looks really cool yeah because you're watching things die multi-dimensionally it's true God brings life synthetic things bring death a form of death it destroys life there's biogenic biostatic and bioacidic something's just sustain but some things

bring life and some things destroy life so many people who try to find higher Consciousness but through synthetic means it's only detrimental I'm not judging you for it it's fine but I'm saying there's a different way but that different way is just like just like people fast foods versus growing an organic garden guess which one takes more time and effort but it does bring Better Health to your cells and the fast foods that are more convenient tend to be bioacidic of course Consciousness is more

important I'm not preaching diet I'm preaching that Consciousness is what it's all about our beliefs so we have to expand our understanding of things first and foremost the relationship with self is right there at the threshold between God and others I would like to help others means I have to first get myself a little bit not perfect but a bit in order be a better person and bring that to others as an example not a preacher as an example that's where it goes first then go ahead and preach it teach it but

do not preach teach that which you are not because then you're a hypocrite so whether it's diet is your thing or spirituality is your thing just be careful that you're aligned and congruent to say to your children you know I don't like that boy you're dating but you're married to some Freakazoid it doesn't make any sense you're showing them that you have no Integrity no boundaries but you're telling them I don't like that person you're dating why mom well because he

seems this and you see they could just say that's just like Dad isn't it people don't want to take responsibility and recognize you cannot reach Enlightenment without it being integrated in your day-to-day Consciousness and that means also your actions and I know this stuff's not easy to hear and it's not you know I know it's a struggle because that means gosh that means I'm going to have to look at this that might mean I'm going to try to go to counseling with my partner and if they

say they don't want to go now what am I going to do it's better to not bring it up and that people think is spiritual I'll just be quiet and that looks so nice look at me I'm passive and that's spiritual isn't it no actually it isn't because if you die today with things you could have done better like setting better boundaries and healthier boundaries in your life you're only coming back to try it again which means I'm not impressed I'm not impressed with your spiritual personal

practice if what you're doing tells me you're gonna have to come back again there's something you could have done differently what if you're only here to learn boundaries against unhealthy Behavior why don't you just do it that'd be so cool that's all I'm here for yeah let me leap in there and do it that'd be like somebody saying look you have a disease this herbal tea could help you try this herbal tea out 30 days later you're healed why wouldn't you want to do that tea

why wouldn't you want to do something that actually helps you and heals you well it's the same thing with this we have to take responsibility look inside so there's another quote I want to share the course is basically saying if you can get the meaning of this paragraph it'll change this part of your life this part of healing your relationship with yourself I am responsible for what I see I choose the feelings I experience and I decide on the goal I would achieve and everything that seems to happen to me I

asked for and receive exactly as I have asked not literally asked but the frequency I put out there I'm kind of I got this pattern that I'm unlovable and there it goes and the world will just keep reflecting that and until the day I say you know I have a feeling I played a part in this I have a feeling that I'm playing a role in this until I do that I can never turn my life around I could look like I'm going to counseling I can look like I'm reading books on the subject and make people think I'm doing better but if out of my

mouth it's still everybody else's fault I actually haven't gotten anywhere and I'm not saying you're supposed to shift and go to my fault it isn't the word fault it's I can see that people have been unhealthy and hurtful but the Lord watches my going in am I coming out so watch I can see people have been hurtful but let me look at what that brings up inside I go inside and I process a bit I go in further and I connect with God and say okay it's good to be in this ah this this respite

this Oasis this quiet place after having this yucky stuff come up and after having been abused out here yucky stuff in here now I get to be with God love and I meditate some people end it right there and they continue their life with more abuse maybe some introspection and meditation but they're missing something they never took the meditation back to the next which is me God self others remember God self others so when somebody offends me I don't just look at others I look at self to see what it brings up then what then I go in and

connect with God commune with God then what the next relationship going this way is what self so now God inside I connect I bring it tether that God presence into something called Boundaries boundaries that are established Within Myself so I take the connection with God instead of going well that's nice I'm meditating with God now I'll go back to my life where everybody's mean to me you've missed something it's not people are mean but I see that I have some lessons to learn I commune with God and go back to the mean people

what happens is I go inside connect with God bring God into self and say okay God I'm getting ready to go back in see I'm in the corner of the ring and there's rubbing the shoulders get ready you're going in you know okay all right send me when I go in I get into self and I say what do you want me to do and God says how can we do it different this time and here's where boundaries are taught to us God wouldn't say good job that was a terrible thing they did now go do it again God would say thanks for communing with

me thanks for looking at your part now here's a suggestion move out or get a divorce or try communicating better or see a counselor that's called a boundary so we don't just theorize God out here we bring God into us and say so now that I'm going to go back out and deal with those others in my life what's the best way to do it how can I do it and bring the most God to that situation sometimes God will say well now that you feel more centered you won't be as reactive and they'll change

sometimes God will say it's probably best that that you move out away from them because you are learning a lot my beloved child you're doing a great job and you're becoming very loving and compassionate which actually irritates them so it's actually the better good for you to not push more buttons but to step away that might be the better good for you and that person this is called healthy boundaries and then you step into the relationship with others and you bring those boundaries so it's like you're walking in to a

situation informed you now know exactly you know what pushes your buttons and it wasn't just them you see that you have some challenges some weaknesses some unhealed wounds you know you Center and you say I I see my part I can see that now I'm stepping into a conversation with you and I notice that if I raise my voice it scares you or you react and then I contribute to an argument what I'm going to do is step in here and say things differently word myself differently speak in a way that Bridges our

conversation I'm going to Bridge and create boundaries and those boundaries can be like I said any any different answer but it comes from inside if you upset me and I say don't ever talk to me again that's a reaction if you upset me and I go inside and look at why I get so quickly triggered then commune with God then come with God back to self and I see now that I looked at my part I'm being given the right and Clarity on setting a healthy boundary then I say to you listen I really really do enjoy that we have conversations I've

enjoyed being friend of yours for 15 years thank you and sometimes I really struggle with knowing the best way to communicate because sometimes we end up seemingly you know disconnecting and fighting do you have any suggestions on what we can do see that's bridging and I didn't say you as much as I'm talking about me I'm concerned we seem to struggle and that's a boundary that's that's sharing a communicating my sense of self boundaries actually help enhance our ability to know ourselves and have a better life

and relationship with ourselves boundaries are not determined by other people they're determined by you going inside and saying what is the greatest good then I come forward back into the world and I share my perspective as far as I know and I'm not perfect as far as I know if we have arguments and they start escalating I'm going to probably need to say I'm really sorry I need to take a break and walk away you see that's a boundary and I'm not doing it to harm anybody I'm doing it

because for me that brings the greatest good as far as I know that's how it helps if you say no you're not taking a break we're going to finish this right now I'm angry but I but I need to take a break no I do not permit that oh you sure you know what I mean by are you sure do you get where I'm going with that yeah are you sure is kind of like one last and if I ca we cannot find healthiness how could I not choose healthiness and I cannot tell you guys man how often this whole thing of boundaries we've

been I've been here for several years and I've been teaching for several years and I've been teaching and counseling the spiritual leaders in the world and it's amazing to me that they're still not practicing healthy boundaries I mean we're spiritual leaders and we don't even know that the ABCs of Hell standing for healthiness boundaries are not good people putting restraints on bad people they're healthy people insisting on healthiness I'm not even going to put my other hand up to relate other people to

say am I unhealthy and you're not no it's not good against bad people it's healthiness for healthiness that's all call it this person call it Dapper I don't care healthiness is all I'm standing for and when you say that to people I don't know but this is the healthiest thing I can imagine you know some people are so broken that they just can't imagine it what happens is boundaries the lack of boundaries creates every form of addiction including codependence why because the lack of boundaries means

a lack of relationship with self and the lack of relationship with self and self-awareness creates addictions of course I'm gonna be an addict if I don't know what's behind it once I start looking at the roots to addiction the addiction starts falling away why because it's not being fed that fruit's dying on the vine because it's been uprooted so boundaries a strange thing to talk about to some people in some people's mind at a spiritual center that's more of a psychology lecture or something and

it isn't boundaries are our spiritual muscles you want to have somewhat toned muscles on Earth to be able to stand and walk and move about and do things that you need to do just reasonably tone muscles on Earth physically you also need spiritual muscles but they're called Boundaries and you have to exercise them no you know that doesn't work for me that's a boundary you know that doesn't feel right that's a boundary learning to think for the greater good still boundaries still incorporate the

greater good it's not selfishness it's not me I me mine but you start to think differently and as I'm coming towards a close it does amaze me and Astound me because I'll be talking to people of the highest caliber of spiritual enlightenment to the most simple and it still comes back to the same thing I have people say uh no I can't possibly say no to this or I can't possibly set the line there because people will get upset and I just think wow and one of the white ways that I most seem to get

across to people is when I say you're telling me that the relationship you're in that's really dangerous and unhealthy you can't see saying drawing a line no I can't would you would you recommend the relationship you're having would you recommend it to your daughter every time I've asked that they say no if they're having a negative or bad relation your unhealthy relationship they never go well yeah my terrible relationship yes I go to my children all the time I hope you find one of these they don't common sense in

a human being they don't even have to be spiritual students common sense in a human being with even half an intelligence is gonna say no why would I wish anything like this on that person then you're telling me by default that means you're telling me that you wouldn't recommend it to them but it's okay for you why and you know what it means is they don't love themselves enough to do something different you can say well it's money you know if I leave I have no income I understand that terrifying but I'd

rather be scared and healthy than seemingly falsely secure and unhealthy it's dangerous as heck to to try that it's like saying if I start going into recovery I'm going to go without my medications and drugs and whatever it happens being drinking and it does that sound fun the chemical stuff that's going to happen in your system when you determine you're determined to be healthy now you're gonna go through withdrawals and it doesn't sound like you know let's do some withdrawals this

afternoon you know that doesn't sound exciting what are you doing this afternoon nothing you want to come over for some withdrawals like people don't think of this as fun withdrawals are going to mean if I say no to my children who are abusing me I might not see them for a while you know what's worse is then the neighbors call how could you do that that's your child you need to say get behind me Satan click not those words but what you say is you know what I hear you and um it's I'm not in a place for

that right now which means I don't want anybody to start tempting me to doubt myself when I start setting healthy boundaries I can't afford it so as I'm like I said coming to a close when you want to know boundaries just remember what's the greatest good try that one try what feels healthy what feels like it nurtures the presence of God in Me that's probably a right decision set boundaries when you see a lack of progress even if you have a client and they're not willing to go any further

you might have to say you know what don't say apparently you just don't get it that's not what you would say what you'd say is I'm not seeing that I can help you anymore at this time and you might be thinking but I can't help them but they're so stubborn I know don't say that it you might think it's true but don't say that because that's not the greatest good for that comment instead what do you want to do I'm not able to help because it's true it may be because they're stubborn like you think

but the truth is you can't help them so say that that's a boundary when you see there's a lack of progress when you see that it's the greatest good to do something different you set boundaries um no win situations are a good time to be placing some boundaries why not I mean if you're in a no-win situation you have nothing to lose so throw in some boundaries and shake things up a little bit every time I talk to my mom we can only talk for 10 minutes and then we end up arguing talk for nine

that's a boundary but try something different oh no she times them and if we talk less than 30 minutes she feels offended and doesn't send me Christmas gifts then do this at nine minutes saying say oh the house is burning down I'm gonna have to go and I know you're not sending me Christmas gifts this year and I'm good with that bye click you know do something try some form of setting a boundary knowing the withdrawals May Come in the form of people complaining and that leads me to that last piece

you have to ask yourself because boundaries are rooted in self responsibility is rooted in self so today partly we're talking about a relationship with self so one of the last pieces is you have you do have to ask yourself what you can afford if you hear Michael mere dad talk about you know drawing a Line in the Sand and setting a boundary and yet you're you do not believe you can afford it then maybe you should rethink it and just let yourself continue as is codependent for a little longer but definitely you do have to ask

yourself what you can afford and meaning if you're having trouble at home in a partnership but to break up now would be devastating financially you'd literally be homeless maybe you can't afford to do that emotionally right now but I would still move in that direction I would go and start figuring out how to pinch a little money aside so that when I do go I will have a couple months rent is that making sense I would make some calls and find out if ever I have to leave in an urgent situation is there anybody I can

rely on and go to that's doing follow what you can afford to do is still setting a boundary because I could say you should do this and you might say I can but it's going to take me a few months to do that that's a boundary you're giving don't follow my statement of what to do you check in and say that's a good idea but how can I make that work for the greater good in my own life still has to go back to you determining when you do that you know what you're doing you're building your spiritual

muscles if all you do is do what Jesus told you or anybody else it's great you're doing good but it never gets integrated into your own ability to discern what is your own sense of healthiness so Jesus or Buddha or Martin Luther King or Mother Teresa or peace Pilgrim they can say here's what healthy looks like and you can say okay I'll do exactly that but when you recognize and go that makes sense let me try that and you navigate it and you work it and you bring it in and you you know you're

Discerning and you go I love that here's how that worked for me that's integrated integrated where to the relationship with self again so last quote I'm going to share it's actually I'm just going to summarize this quote and this because this is where we hear the Bible things like you know go with a brother twice as far as he asks if a man asks for your coat give him your shirt as well we hear statements like that even from Jesus which sounds like total enabling anytime people ask for something do it

and even more so that as though it means if somebody wants to behave hurtfully just go Bring It On it sounds like that so in the course he says I've said all these things but if a person asks for something do it if even if it's a foolish thing he says in the course in fact we should look at why we refuse such a request but be certain that this does not mean to do a foolish thing that would hurt either of you so he takes the do what people ask of you and then he adds in the course but that never meant to the point of harming

he said I just meant it as a metaphor to show people when people say to you you know you're busy right now but I'm I'm in a desperate situation can you give me a minute even though you're busy try to give him that minute that's what he's saying try to help him be of service however if that same person does that every day and it makes you late to work and you lose your job he's saying no that's not what I meant help be of service always be forgiving but if even your forgiveness looks

enabling it could tempt that person to hurt themselves or you so as I shared before you can come to me and you've done something really horrible to me or some other people you could say but you know look you know you forgive me or whatever I could say absolutely but if I go oh honey absolutely my beloved if I act too passive they might think that that's an open sesame to do it again do you understand that but when you look firm that's fine that's fine consider it forgotten and let go just consider it fine and I won't bring it up

again but do not do that again do you notice I'm on the outside even though I'm not feeling do not do that again they need to see that sometimes sometimes your kids need to hear knock it off even though inside love love love inside on the outside dick you can't show them that they're going to go oh that new age mom she would let me do get away with anything it needs to be sometimes humans dogs animals people children parents you know employees they need to see that firm self please please take this to the

world please remember the value of responsibility and then responsible boundaries because the spiritual Community it may be the one thing that's lacking most in the spiritual Community responsibility and healthy boundaries we thought that becoming spiritual meant enabling being Ultra hyper passive and it doesn't mean that at all no learning to say no but from inside my heart I mean it from love but if they need to hear it firmly then let so let it be okay is that making sense we're going to share just a brief

meditation today so let's relax our minds relax our bodies set aside all the stuff of the world good peace how do we know the peace and love of God how do we find that it's not by being trampled on and if we go inside and just listen to meditation but not apply it we might put greater storms around us in our lives why can't we just have good days why can't we have peace more often it cannot happen if we're not living these principles so think of any challenging thing that's happened to you recently

anything a lack of income at work car issue child being kind of argumentative with you whatever it is any challenge small or large be aware of it and just recognize it no minimizing no denying just sit with it and recognize it be aware of all the stuff it could bring up yucky stuff tensions confusions whatever they are think of those various kinds of feelings it brings up [Music] briefly look at any other time in your life when you ever felt similar emotions whether it's abandonment or betrayal or sadness or loneliness confusion

[Music] come to understand and own I have felt this way before this isn't the first time I felt this way even if the thing itself might be the first time you experience something inner feelings you felt this way before which means it's a pattern which could mean that whatever's happening today or recently is actually a mirror or a reflection of these old patterns these emotional hurts you haven't yet healed so I see that this thing has occurred before emotionally so today's event car person is related

to yesterday's events that's how I step into myself because the Lord watches my coming in and it's guiding me to see these deeper pieces what does it bring up for me low self-worth unworthiness I'm not valued look at what it brings up and be honest you're a third the way into the completing of the journey now that I see that it brings up stuff in me I'm choosing to surrender all this and step into God and just a choice and a breath we go in and we find ourselves basking in the presence of God

basking in the presence of God because I was feeling lonely sad or whatever but now what do I really want to feel God I want to feel peace and joy think of two words that are the opposite of what that yucky stuff brought up love and self-worth peace and joy it's quite beautiful and go there and breathe into it for a few breaths [Music] the presence of God restored love and peace happiness don't analyze it just breathe it in like you're in the presence of Heaven because you are [Music] now before I go back into the world

because the Lord watches my coming out before I go how would this feeling in heaven this peace This Joy how can I manifest that inside of myself in a practical way in relation to boundaries ask that part this peace that I am how what form would it take as I'm moving back towards the earth into the place of application what do I do inside to make sure I don't lose this feeling because that's the trick a boundary is putting a limit on how far away from God we will go a boundary is putting a limit on how far

you let other people go out of their God self it's for their good I don't want them to stray too far out of their God self so I have to say no or to yourself so what boundaries might you be able to implement not actions yet but boundaries I'm going to stick by healthiness I'm going to stick and try to do my best to speak more centeredly I'm going to try to be more open-minded Concepts like that God in Me looks like what and lastly what form does it take on the outside how will I speak my actual speaking

what kind of a body posture would I have if I go back to that situation as a new person [Music] how will it look if things don't go well what will I do to re-establish boundaries in the moment which is called creating a safe space Sacred Space the Lord watched my coming in and now it's watched by going out it's guiding me all the way to the Practical day-to-day talking actions as well so that it's a complete flow in flow outflow there's Divine coming in Divine coming out and I just took a challenge

turned it into a Sacred Space and I will not allow the Sacred Space to be violated not for their sake or mine it's good for us all God only see that be proud of yourself for being courageous enough to implement those boundaries and constrain so to speak on the ego be happy be proud of yourself and then quietly in your own way give thanks [Music] set all that aside very gracefully very casually Center back into the room and gradually stretch out