Relationships On the Rebound

hi there this is Michael Moore dad and it's time to share our spiritual insights with Michael Moore dad so thanks for joining us so today we're talking about relationships on the rebound now I could really make this a two minute discussion because the concept of relationship rebounds is fairly simple it's addictive oriented it's reactive oriented it's compensatory it's anything but healthy now before you get all frustrated with me and disconnect let's be clear I know that there are some positive things or things

that feel positive about having rebound relationships but you know in a sense her rebound relationships could be more equated not with true love but more like menopause or something it is it's it's when the body the person their soul is compensating and going through a challenging period you're thinking it's not challenging you're thinking it's a blissful period it just feels that way because you're going through stimulation well there's all kinds of drugs that could do stimulating things that doesn't

mean they're healthy you could get electric shock therapy and it might feel kind of stimulating that doesn't mean it's wonderful so these are just my bizarre ways of expressing things but you know please understand I mean it respectfully there's this idea of of rebound relationships it should be pretty clear to most people that those are not healthy you know some people have said maybe you maybe somebody you know well I was just on the rebound you know that the tone of that the the context of that is not usually guess

what I was on the rebound that doesn't usually make people go wonderful you know usually the connotation is Oh bummer what went wrong you know they expect the other shoe to drop now so what happens is like menopause like other periods in our life like going through midlife crisis these are all areas times in our life phases cycles where we are sort of soul-searching and looking at ourselves it doesn't mean it's always really therapeutically looking but it's when the soul is going through a cycle saying

what have I done what haven't I done what haven't I done let me let me compensate within midlife crisis you know what have I done and so forth it's it's all about compensatory it's it's and so for a lot of women it's you know I put my life aside and I raised a family because statistics would confirm that women more than men once getting into a committed relationship women more than men start nesting they really seem to do more work on the family the household the kids taking care of you know this sort of thing the

men are still staying a little bit Footloose even if it doesn't look like it and I'm not judging one or the other I don't you know it doesn't matter but I'm just saying that that's the stereotype and that stats tell us that that's true even in this day and age now that's neither good nor bad but my point is that the the gender that tends to more put things on hold you know I was going to go to school but then I got pregnant had to raise kids I was going to do but then there's a lot of that or

you know that were the male's goals seem to have taken precedence a lot of times and and some of that's just fine some of that's just fine because you know if I'm a male and I'm in a relationship I would love to just say you know what would you like to do you know like what would you like to do you don't have to go into work I would love to provide not in a codependent bargain but more as just it's a loving beautiful thing to do and if I found a person that was a wealthy woman of some kind and

said I want to do that for you I want to take care of you what would you like to do that would be wonderful I wouldn't say oh that's not allowed because I'm a male it doesn't matter male or female it's just wonderful when we take care of each other whomever that may you know whatever whomever may make such a choice so rebound relationships are often or typically they are years of repressed stuff which is what menopause is but years of repressed stuff even illnesses are not typically onset

immediate they're triggering stuff that was already there and that includes cancer cancer isn't sudden cancer is basically building overtime and a stressful situation now could be the final straw and then it activates but rebound relationships and it's kind of funny abut Michael's comparing rebound relationships with cancer well there are they're very cancerous in a sense so an illness has taken place a woman or man has a person has repressed their dreams their desires and in romantic relationships you know we one person

just might not feel complete anymore they might not feel like they're seen or heard they may not feel like their needs are being fulfilled whether it's romantically intimately affectionately sexually whatever it happens to be and so they're just putting it on hold to put in our goal whether they're putting things on hold because they have to take care of the kids so long that they get exhausted to go to bed it's there's still there's still a frustration that's going to be building over time or

whether it's that their partner doesn't give them much time and then they think well why don't I just go get my own needs met no because again stats would tell you a woman less often would just kind of give up and have a fling on the side it happens but stats would have confirmed not as often so a woman the conscience the the sensitivity of nervous system and energy systems she's a little more protective not as much as that she once was but more protective of her her being her heart and her womb so

yes we could say that's changed women have found equality women have simply found some of the same stupidity that men have in in this particular thing let's say all men I'm just saying when people are careless about these kinds of things if you're in a committed relationship now if you're not in a committed relationship you can even have a partner and not be in a in a committed monogamous relationship but I think you then you just you're you that's it's already defined what you're allowed to

do you can do whatever because it's not committed I just think to honor whatever you are saying you're doing if you say committed you know then that's what it should be or just say we're in a you know a partnership but it's not a committed or not monogamous commitment or whatever and at least it's honest and at least it gives somebody else the idea or the right to say you know that worked fine for a while but I really want that now and so I think I'm gonna get that from you and if not then I'm gonna move

on to a better different relationship for myself so I'm saying that a person represses and represses and repressors they're not getting their needs met and a lot of times that builds with it emotion frustration anger rage and neediness even what's worse is when one partner whichever gender it is and it could be gay or straight relations doesn't matter but when one person's kind of like I'm not gonna give in I'm not gonna cheat I'm not you know they do all that in the meantime they're not having their needs

met either that's called being conflicted it's not just the traditional term for conflicted but it's you have conflict inside you're frustrated but yet you're taking the hit okay and you Barrett Barrett now if 25 35 45 years later it could be even five years later you go and the relationship comes to an end you could have that frustration wanting to be met dealt with vented and that would be rebound energy I'm on the rebound not everybody that ends a relationship is on the rebound you could say they are

because that's sort of the general definition I'm now rebounding from one direction now I'm bouncing back back to the world back to the dating pool or whatever but really more specifically rebound relation chip would mean I'm I'm really frustrated I'm coming out of a relationship and I'm in reactive mode now I was saying that this can happen with someone after just so many years but it's even worse if they're faithful for 40 years 80 years you know 10 years whatever it is and their partner they

find out was not they weren't the last five years they weren't ever faithful or whatever now the person that was on the seeming rebound that has compounded many times more many times more I'm not just kind of okay now that ended I guess I'm gonna take a break and then maybe hopefully do some personal work and then maybe re-enter the dating world a little that's kind of how it should look but the person that would say and I found out that all those years I gave myself I gave my body which is now 20 years older

40 years older than when I met them it's now been taxed energetically with muscles I'm not toned like I used to be my womb isn't the same my breasts aren't the same my facial muscles aren't the same my tensions are different and my you know on and on my emotions I felt tired so there's all that and you go oh but he's off having a great time I guess I can do that the guys for whatever reasons I won't go into seem to be able to get away with that a little bit easier and if I'm a woman and that's

happening to me I'm gonna feel pretty ticked off I'm gonna feel cheated by him by the universe I'm gonna feel deceived I'm gonna feel tired I'm gonna feel angry but I'm gonna feel hurt all kinds of things all kinds of emotions then something happens where you say wait a minute if he can do it I can do it spoken like a truly resentful person but it sounds empowering doesn't it I can do it you're you're gonna always have some and then you got to forgive my terminology sometimes guys but you're

always gonna have some idiotic girlfriends that are gonna say yes you should do that you know they're all we've done that and we have a good I'm married and I'm doing it you know you have all that kind of and all they're saying is we don't have a clue with what to do with those feelings so we also vent it and it'd be great if you do it too because then we won't look so bad for doing it ourselves so just because you have women without any scruples telling you to join them in you

know their their behaviors unhealthy addictive behaviors and the poor things they're just gonna get hurt and I am a counselor guys I'm a spiritual counselor and I've been doing this doing counseling work probably longer than any counselor you've ever met I also have worked with more human beings than probably any five counselors you know combined their clientele combined and that's not why I know what I know but it helps I also know because these things just reveal to me but I have experience

if that's what you need to believe I have to make such firm statements that I make I'm saying to you that in my clientele I can't tell you how many are people that have come to me if ten have ever come to me that said and I'm just using the number it could be a thousand if if ten ever came to me and said I've been doing a rebound relationship I did what I'm doing what I'm thinking of doing one I'm telling you that nine if not 10 times out of ten there's sadness hurt anger guilt shame it's not usually

like a complete clarity I do not look upon the face of someone who looks like they're shining golden light from God just emanating from their eyes their face their countenance is just like wow glorified no it's not what I usually see and you guys know that if you really think about it and I'm not saying that it's completely wrong so let me give you the flip side the good news is when you're on the rebound and you're kind of wanting to come out you know what's nice about it is that you're at least not dead you're

not choosing to die metaphorically I don't just mean literally you're not choosing to just curl up in bed and stay there incapacitated that's good you're trying to feel again that's good you're even thinking some of it might be fun you know to go out with friends and that I think that's cool - that's fine the more it involves drinking or getting stoned in any way the more it involves things that you don't even know it involves like anger then the more off it goes the less it's in any way a form of

therapy I know that there are counselors out there that even tell men and women you got to bounce back you got to get out there and that's not advice I typically give not in the same form they're giving it why because they're wrong they're simply wrong telling you to go and do something that could hurt you and send you into therapy with someone else again that's that's not good you don't give unscrupulous you don't give unhealthy advice to people that could cause them major harm and

justify it well it's its nature it's what it's you have needs oh god that phrase just you know Wow but you have needs and they need filled who who has needs the God self has needs you better try dating a Buddhist a real one not the fake ones you know there's a difference there's there's the you know the Sedona kinds of guys that are hey I'm a Buddhist you know it's you know you get some of that in this new agey kind of world people with all the pseudo you know I believe in crystal power how

about you I was at a conference once and this was amazing because this was a conference where I was a keynote speaker and there was someone else that was one of the main speakers and it probably makes it sound pretty low that the the pool of speakers there were some really well-known speakers but there was one that was getting to be well-known in the 90s as a channel and this person was said I'm of an alien species I won't even say anything about that but I'm an alien species and all the beings of the

higher dimensions are still channeling through me and there's all kinds of people going wow this is amazing listen to this guy whoa he's got to be good and then you know it's like and one of my missions on earth is to help propagate a higher dimensional species blending Earthlings with higher dimensional beings I hope you probably know where this is going already and so if any of you would like to make love potentially contributing to this new species you know I'm you and believe it or not he had takers this is at a

conference probably a thousand people attended and he had takers and I'm just like wow that is bizarre how how could anybody fall for it now I know why they would fall out how they could fall for that their emptiness is so vast that anything makes them feel better got anything just look at me and I'm gonna feel more complete like that's how messed up they could be it's very sad it's not just disgusting them whatever it's it's sad too for both parties but it's bogus so I was talking

about that because I was playing into the you know the real things guys not the fake spiritual but the real so there are people you can meet and you don't fall for every little thing you know every little story don't listen to your friends tell you you ought to go get stoned and get laid that term they use you need to get laid girlfriend you know like you need to get lost just on that and your the God you is not in complete the God you does not need to get laid the God you doesn't need anything that

humans would tell you you need the God you is complete why are you not feeling the God itself well right now because I'm ending a relation of mad they did this and then let's talk about that you madly you know right you know pound on my chest if you want to get some of that out pound on a pillow if you'd like to get some out you don't you want to rest a little let's get some of that out how about crying scream in a pillow move the energy therapeutically what your friends are trying to do it looks like

it's successful but it's actually a lot of these gals will say to me and I went out and I became promiscuous oh that's really therapeutic not some of them will say oh I had a one-night stand only once but I and I got a disease or whatever it might be that's not to imply it's always bad news someone in one in a hundred say I actually felt really good about it I got it out of my system I got over it I see it for what it is done and and it feels fairly complete but that's fairly rare in the ratio here the positives

though is that you could have somebody you know help you to feel alive you know you could hire as strange as it sounds a male or female escort and say absolutely no sex in any form I would like someone just to play the role of respectful and that sounds weird I mean am I like selling prostitution of some kind I don't know if that's how it sounds to you but I'm telling you that if you hire somebody to be a certain way and you use you know a healthy kind of a maybe a person or a healthy system that you tap

into I don't know you know where you would find you know certainly not in seedy newspapers but if you could find something like that you again you're hiring them to be now I've known gals who hired gay male friends to be there safe others would you would you act like my date you know sure I think it's great the reason I'm saying it's great is because you get to go through the motions of being alive yet it's all in a contained safe contained environment and I think that's pretty cool because it

gives you some movement of that energy without putting you at risk or in danger now if you just go to a nightclub have some drinks and say well I'm just gonna select this guy to be that that guy isn't being hired in terms of an integrity of contract to do and not do certain things he isn't there to be therapeutic with you he's there to use you and any other term you want to use for it that's just the the real the reality behind it so rebound relationships are fairly dangerous because you're coming and charged you're

already an accident waiting to happen I've told this story before but there's around 1990 I went across the street from my my office there was a nightclub and I've never been to a nightclub you know even when I was a kid there were 20s or whatever never been to a nightclub so there was a nightclub and my life had fairly well fallen apart because it was kind of a dark night this whole so I went to listen to music because I thought well I like music I wonder what musics happening this generation you know and I went and

listened and thought you know some songs are kind of cool and I liked making friends with the band and helping the pack up their equipment just being of service you know but not telling anybody who I was but I just did this but one night I went to listen to the music and there was a small group of gals and maybe five or so six and they were girlfriends it went out and they brought they went out specifically to bring one girl out who had gotten you know her heart broken so she was not wanting to go out and they dragged her out you got

to go out and get laid I didn't know all that at the time that this is what had happened so one of them finally explains it to me I think it's a sister of the girl this girl could be watching for all I know and the sister said my sister got her heart broken and so we brought her out but we would really appreciate it you seem like a really nice guy and would you mind dancing with her and spending some Thank You her give her some love you know give her some energy hmm okay you know how can I be helpful and I know it may sound like I'm

gonna do a a guy thing or something but no I I typically or generally kept my wits about me in these situations so I said okay so I danced with her and sat down and then they asked me to do in the dance with a few dances eventually she's sitting down he after each dance and she's getting a little tipsy so now she's kind of staggering you know and dancing with her and middle song middle of the song one moment she finally just kind of leans towards me it looks me in the eyes with her eyes kind of half open

you know looks mean eyes and says I really wanna and she propositioned me and and I was like what and she repeated it and I like what because the music's loud but I'm also I don't know a little bit naive in a sense and especially at whatever to late 20s or whatever it was and and I'm like what like first of all even if it was a fantasy you know it's like this can't be happening right but instead whatever it seems to be for me it wasn't computing and and I'm like wow you know like this is what people do in

nightclubs like wow this is a trip no wonder they all go to these places so you know um I go okay come here and then I apparently I leaned forward and sent some in her ear and then took her to her table and left I just split to keep her safer not because I was tempted but to make a statement now the end of the story is that probably a year or two later I was in a store somewhere and a girl walks in and it was her which I didn't know I didn't I don't think I recognized her but she said she said I don't know if you

remember me but I met you in that one Club and and I was really in a lot of pain and I was really probably pretty inappropriate and I I know I said some inappropriate things I said that's right you know and she said no no really I wanted you to know this she said and I said all these things and you leaned forward and you said something in my ear and it changed my life now I don't remember what I said and in a way that's kind of cool because it's not important all I know is that it came from the right place I didn't say you

know you know what you need me you know I didn't say you need to get laid I didn't say you need another drink I didn't say you know hey would you like a ride home with me you know let me be alright tonight you know I didn't play any games like that I didn't do the things people would do when someone's in a vulnerable state and that's why when you're on the rebound you're charged there's there's something going on you need someone who can see it and respond properly to it

but if you're not gonna have enough integrity to want that then you're not going to likely attract people that could see that so I'm glad that she you know attracted something different that moment and I had things like that happen you know I've shared those stories in a class we did on sacred sexuality but you know I had an incident like that where one night there's these couple of guys that recognize me because I was sitting there and they had seen me a couple times these younger guys because I was

probably pushing 30 and they were probably in their early 20s so I was the older guy at this is the place and Wow and you know they came over to me and they said hey listen man did you recognize that girl no she's a big model no nice whatever and you know and they go well she's interested in you and she's asking us to introduce I said no don't introduce her they're like oh come on dude no they go we're come on man she's just expecting it she asked us and we're doing it as a favor so they brought her

over and you know she she was you know getting buzzed and expressing strong interests in me and like the other girl I eventually see later and the guys were like what do you mean you're leaving you have a drunk model and you're leaving and I said yeah so I split well these guys knew where I lived and they they brought her over knocked on the door and I ignored it they pounded I ignored it they kicked it I ignored and finally I just like oh man they got this drunk girl outside my door so I went open the

door what's going on they said well she wanted to she like stumbles in and she wanted to you know me you know be with you SIA and they all ran giggling you know it's like wow unbelievable so the end of this story was she expressed all her interests and all that but all I did was took her to my room where I slept and put her in bed and covered her up and went and slept on the floor in the other room and true story you know and you know it was interesting because she was on the rebound as well and it doesn't mean everybody looks this needy

on the rebound I'm not implying that I'm only saying be careful of any variations or versions of being on the rebound it's not when you're at your best you're not your clearest to make healthy decisions about short-term or long-term goals and this was a funny story because the next weekend I was back there and those guys showed up they're like so what happened man I'm like nothing you know come on and tell us that you know I'm like you know guys don't do that don't ever do that again and they you

know kind of assumed more had happened but in came the girl they go there she is again she had this pretty large boyfriend with her apparently and they came walking in the guys were like oh I'm like what they're like she's with a guy I'm like great like boyfriend and now jealousy or what's gonna happen now they walked over and he said are you Michael I'm like yeah and he said I had to come here tonight and it doesn't sound good at all man sounds like this is gonna go very badly I had

to come here tonight this is my sister now I'm thinking that's not even a real reprieve or relief that's like Oh and he said and I had I told her I insisted on coming here today to meet her to meet the guy that had her at his house she was drunk and you didn't take advantage of her this is what the guy said to me her brother and he shook my hand and I'm like well yeah you know it's glad to help you know whatever but we're not always going to attract people that would you know be there for us when

I was on the rebound after marriage it was a very challenging rebound because we didn't hate each other there wasn't enough going on to really launch me into you know never-never-land in a negative sense and land it didn't do that so we were confused about whether we're together or not and that confused other people around us even I think whether we're available or not and we weren't even sure because we were friends you know because close so be careful because the rebounds have what's

considered stimulation excitement pizzazz you know I've been with a person who's been same-old same-old every night oh that person they're they're smelly socks and they're constant watching ball games or they're whatever and I'm just talking about the girls now okay you know it doesn't look good and then there's somebody who's always clean when they see them they're always showered and well-kept when they say in the hair is always in place when they say always a little whatever colognes I've never I

don't think I've ever worn come on before but those kinds aftershaves or colognes or whatever the guys wear or perfumes the girls were they it's it's just like wow I can have that compared to that it always looks good but remember those guys weren't changing diapers with your kids the way your partner and the real life stuff you know nobody was you know dabbing down for heads that were fevered and they're there you didn't have that stuff so you're in the trenches sometimes the person I'm not

saying your marriages are always great I'm just saying don't expect the other that looks all polished to be that in the trenches typically those who are best at being your rebound relationships would be the worst at being committed relationships because the very energy they hold is rebound for a reason it's like saying hi I'm here to play a role I'm here to be your rebound and that's that I'm good at non-committed shallow whatever it's gonna be sex or you know hype of some kind so you're

hiring them for that the other one you hired and got into a committed or mark partnered or marital relationship with and that's what you got with them which sometimes is stale the other one's all stimulus and if they got stale it would almost be more like the other kind and you would want to trade them in for another because you need stimulus why because you're pissed off you're angry you're hurt and you want something unlike that not to mention if they acted out during your partnership you're going

to get them back you're gonna you know get a little yourself and I've known people who have done this even still within the same relationship where the relationships marital and goes a little stale and then something happens to spice it up they call it putting the pizzazz back in your relationship whether that's because you went on some you know honeymoon a second honeymoon it helps for about a week and a half you know wow the spice is back in then back to sleep again it could be because somebody has an affair and then that

brings in attention you know an angst and sometimes that triggers us it's almost like a death because it's a death of the marriage or the death of your concept of a committed relationship because they weren't faithful so it's the death of it and then that causes you to almost like have a reaction adrenaline that seems like you're restating the relation I tell couples that's not gonna last because it's not real it's a reaction still reactions always fade it's quick burning fuel so you know there's a lot

of hurt and so even these folks that have stayed with the same partner they'll go through a period of intensity you know like almost like wow we're having the best sex we've ever had we're having the most fun we've ever had it's it's kind of riding on a trauma even the death of a loved one can stimulate that after the sadness guilt and stuff kind of wears off you know all that heavy stuff wears off sometimes there's a strange energy that rises that launches us into trying to find a new life that's

not how the new life is found it's an unhealthy life but it's not a new spiritual or better life so as I'm going to start to wrap up I'm basically saying that rebounds in generally in all regards are unhealthy but I do understand the points of it that sort of symbolize or represent what could be healthy an ounce of healthiness but I'm saying it's a symbol of healthiness meaning there could be a drop of it here and there a moment of it here and there I know the longing is deep so I understand it so how can how can we hold

you in that space how can we hold you in that longing to where you don't harm yourself or anyone else you know so whether gay or straight relationships the there it's unhealthy to go invent that's what it comes down to you're venting you're trying to compensate you're trying to get back and you're trying to get sometimes back and years you lost yourself not just revenge on a partner but just even if your partner dies or your divorces sometimes you just want to get back you know and that's a

lot of what midlife crisis is about you know that the guy with the whatever his new red Ferrari or whatever these cars you know and you know and starting to you know go to the gym and lose weight and and then get some younger girl you know whatever compared to the wife he's had it humiliates the wife for various reasons valid and not so bad but the guy doesn't really care because he's Wow I found a girl who likes me more she doesn't you know you have a stimulation not a realization revelation

not anything profound you just have stimulation but it seems like that man is paying attention to me at work my husband doesn't that woman is doing such and such she'll do things my wife won't do anymore all those are very stereotypical but they're pretty lame too because they're they're just shallow just because your ego says you deserve doesn't mean you deserve your spiritual self says we deserve what what is it we deserve that we don't have if we own it and so my greatest warning to you is

this if you're going to have the rebound kind of relationship please remember this fine do it and even if it feels wonderful fine you know he did a little more and he you had your first orgasm or the first one in a while or you got stimulated he kissed you more passionately than the other and so on there they're all just games incidentally but what's got to happen is to realize it's not them it's you you had the orgasm you allowed it you awakened you felt more you got excited you enjoyed dancing don't make it they

he did this from he brought me out of my shell he don't make them saviours when in fact all they are is predators because that's most of the time what they're once in a blue moon maybe once every alternate leap year you will have someone who was not meaning to be a predator but they in fact were they to were kind of saying I'm looking as well don't excuse the average ones you've had as one of those that must have been what I had a real good integrity guy the odds are so slim I wouldn't Bank on it

because the whole energy is predatorial when you come out of a relationship all wounded and bleeding and pain then you're you know you're using an ego guidance to take you somewhere and set a god guidance system you're using an ego guidance system that takes you nightclubs on whatever that can't really go well and it never really symbolizes anything of your of your higher good it's not God it's not your high as good it's wound so it's much like wounded oh I'm bleeding in internally energetically

and then you go and you know what I'm gonna do I'm going to launch myself into a new life and so you get in the proverbial new you know the river of life or the boat and you roll yourself into a new life I'm gonna I'm just gonna move out into the ocean cuz there are they're more efficient to see as they say remember I said I started with your wounded you're bleeding and you're out rowing and rowing out to the sea of life and there's more fish in the sea than my ex and you jump into that sea of life

and you found that there are more efficiency they're called sharks and so they devour you and then you're in therapy oh I did it you know or you're embarrassed to even go to therapy because you don't know why the guy hurt you like that why he used you he's a shark that's what the hell they do why you dumbfounded when you're bleeding you know you don't look at a tank of piranhas and go oh look at the cute fish and not expect them to chomp on your finger and if I mean if you did act

surprised I would have to question your sanity which is exactly what I do when people act out like this in terms of you know hurtful behaviors to themselves or others and I don't even have to go into date rape drugs and all the other things that go along with some of these locations that you're calling the pond the dating pool it's not a dating pool it's a piranha pool it's a shark fest man and it's not great I'm not saying don't come out I'm saying when you come out of a rebound a

relationship first take a break breathe second take some time to do some work third when you're ready to come out come out a day at a time after having done some work know your patterns know what you're about and come out a data meaning pace yourself don't leap into you know some form of hyper sexual kind of thing and I know you know some of you were gonna say well I did that and I'm glad I did I found my sexuality I did you know sometimes it's understandable in some ways and sometimes it's very

nice because like I said when I started you didn't stay paralyzed that in that sense it's great but even if you're gonna push it and try to convince me that it's wonderful all I'm gonna ask you is to not credit the other person it's transference it's denying your own goodness it's all kinds of healthy things embedded in that do not credit them worst of all you're actually inflating the ego of the guy I was her first all you're doing is taking him back to high school or whatever when

he he got to to have sex with a virgin yeah man I was her first that is a wonderful little notch in the belt of those kinds of guys you became one of those don't tell me that it's a wonderful thing don't try to justify the behavior cuz I know what the guys are thinking I was her first orgasm he's not going namasté goddess oh I'm just so honored to have been part of the vessel of your healing I was part of the chalice of you coming into yourself no guys come on it's like you know that's what it is the sound is

not one of angels it's one of sharks and you know justify it and and you're if you're justifying it you're really and I've known people to do this that they jump right back into their propensity for sex again and again and again you know or on the third date or what you know just prematurely I'm not judging him not hating him not picking on I'm just saying I know that and some of them go crap I did it again but others will say no this is wonderful and they they have to kind of suck it up

and kind of convince me because they're trying convinced themselves that it's okay it's real this is really a great guy for them and all that when I know that it's next to impossible for it to be because you didn't take time enough to be healthy yourself so it's almost impossible to have been healthy with anyone else or to attract a healthy anyone else so you know I hope that makes sense but don't just don't credit them you don't realize it but you're you know you're inflating

their ego and I think that that's dangerous because then that enables them and perpetuates it and makes them think wow that that gal just was so digging me up I got to do that again because I got high on her excitement you know and I've seen those kinds of things when I went to that nightclub a few times here and there to listen to music I found myself they didn't know who I was but I would still sit there and give advice without people knowing it they would ask questioning you know how do you know

these things well I don't know yeah but you know I would just be casual and tactful about it but giving advice so do your best to ask for advice see a counselor ask god I'm not saying you guys have to become nuns or something I'm not saying you have to become celibates not that either of those are a problem for the right people it's the right thing but I'm not saying you have to go to that extreme I'm just saying find your way of coming out to be quite honest I remember when I did that when I

was married and then not married and coming out and that sort of thing what I'm glad I did right so to speak is I never lost track that it was me if I was going to even be intimate with anyone it wasn't oh they're so magical they love me in a way that my wife did love you know I wasn't gonna project and transfer anything I was just really clear I'm I'm exploring myself I got married as a kid and never dated or anything like that and so here I was available but just what what am i doing never wore

form-fitting clothes so I'm just being honest and telling you it was a it's kind of an experiment it was really really peculiar kind of kind of shy and insecure in a way the way a kid would because I'm a kid because I got married and so you sort of go into a different dimension you're doing marital stuff you never finished if you do things like this he's like me you never finished that developmental period young adulthood or you did it in a marital form rather than a dating form which is

just another form it's neither good about just a different form so I didn't do that other form so now I'm thirty trying to date but yet I wasn't interested in dating because for various reasons but am I going to date and what would it look like who would I date why would I date and for me what happened is creating a a safe container which I still use today having an intimate friend or intimate friends even plural was a wonderful place to explore because I know what it is what it isn't and we

can let go within that parameter so that's partly what I mean by pace yourself come out make sure you understand that it's you it isn't the magic of some other person I never went you know I mean more than two percent maybe more into somebody else is better and and magical and no how could anybody have the magic cuz if I'm not if I'm shut down they could be magical and I can shut them down if you know if I'm ready to open they could be shut down and if I'm ready to open I'm just gonna

be ready to open we have to own when we're ready we do things don't don't just like when people watch me as a teacher I I love the compliments thank you Michael this was wondering you Michael did this for me that's great it's not just great for me to be told that it's great for you to say it because you're owning that you have revelations and insights that's good for you but if you ever were to say and Michael now that I found your teachings I'm much happier if you said these words

and I cannot be happy without your teachings I would say no not allowed and I would to take it back to you and say how can we make you understand that you can be and that you are happy I'm just a reflection so I would never want to take that on from a person their power and I've talked you know done done talks about the truth about giving up our power the real story and all that so you if you want to you know watch more of that that would be fine but please in a sense I'm saying inflate yourself

don't inflate the ego of another person I know it's challenging to have gone through what you've gone through I know it's challenging to have felt you know things kind of stuck or left out I was married a person that had been abused so that made some things challenging had kids that put in certain limits and time towards certain things so there were certain areas that I could say weren't there but if I could push a button and not have done it I wouldn't do that because that was a wonderful friendship

partnership and parental thing with my kids so that was perfect for what it was it closes now whatever else I'm gonna do I'm gonna make it perfect for what it is what most people won't do though is say they're gonna say rather I would like to have had a great marriage but they were messed up my partner was this my partner was that why aren't you saying why did I attract them why was i interested what attracted me oh you know summary to say well they fooled me okay they fooled what part of you do you

think they really could fool the psychic part of you part of you knew it was a convenience if you had low self-esteem you would you know it was fine to get a partner that was gonna not build you up your esteem if you had sexual insecurities it might be that you had a partner that was gonna trigger those in some way in my life my life has been greatly about wanting to bring healing to the world and one of the most challenged conversations or issues is sexuality so I've always been this dance of spirituality sexuality and therefore

having a partner that had any any issues ever around that kind thing was not her to doing to me I came in and had a partnership relevant to abuse so that I could hone my skills understanding impatience around that kind of thing because that's me they didn't do to me that's me it's already me I I wanted to come in and be a greater level of healer then typically we see in this world had I not gone through that with her um and chose to respond the way I did see she didn't do it for me to me I chose to

learn what I learned but had I not learn those things I don't know that I would have been as effective with the gals that came on to me in the nightclubs those couple of times you know and so so I'm certainly in an odd an oddball in many ways you know I've never been available for partnership and dating and that sort of thing and I think that's frustrated a lot of people are confused some people because I'm not that type I'm not I've never seen myself as just here for that I saw myself as what more

can I do what more can I bring so when I've chosen to let that dare let my hair down so to speak it's been really in selective kinds of forms and even when I choose to do that just being fun with a person or people at times it's still men it's challenged because of the stuff that comes up for people and about love or affection or owner owning or possessiveness and so it becomes very very messy so - - it's like being an archetype or a god or goddess of this topic meaning the dance of spirituality

and sexuality I personally believe all of us are going to become that at some point a balanced God goddess spiritual sensual being that is not charged and triggered by these topics as we once were oh my god you know that's you know it's sort of a fantasy but not in the strange fantasy way but a fantasy in my mind I might happiest times probably so in the three for sure would be times when I saw people just allowing themselves to be essential and beautiful and smiling and just really kind of integrated with

those spiritually and I see those are important because they're their root chakra and crown chakra there's sort of opposites so they're the most extreme so when you can bring those together it's fantastic that's why I did workshops on sacred sexuality and it's why I wrote books on it it's why I worked with people on it because I refused to to give in and let the topic be lost but I did what I could do and I think it's helped a lots and lots and lots of people but it's also challenging for

some and triggered some so I you know I've said this before but I retired from that work for the most part I'm still here to help where I can but for the most part but so be careful rebounds make us vulnerable vulnerability can make us feel used and triggered and then that can make a sink in to lower and lower places and that's not what we're supposed to be doing if you have an end of a relationship you have an end of a cycle an end of something if it was a crappy relationship then you ended a

crappy cycle that should be good news and if you say I'm gonna go out and make up for that then you're still reacting to it the the negative relationship so you're keeping it alive you're just kind of killing it and then resuscitating it into a different form at night one-night stand well he looks different it doesn't matter he sounds different he seems different doesn't matter he's still a kind of a projection from your relationship you're giving life to it's like a horror movie you're giving life

to this one-night stand or the the usery kinds of relationships you're giving life to them from the blood that was spilt in the other kind of relationship wow this sounds really beautiful doesn't it very poetic but it's it's true it's how it goes come out and he'll take your time see through the games like I was saying opportunities were there it didn't mean well it must be meant to be oh look a drunk girl I guess it's sent from God you know guys don't try to justify things like that

well it was meant to be I met this guy Navin at a dream that I was in meet a guy named you know Lance LaRue and Lance LaRussa my name is Lance LaRue and I'm here to do you and you think wow that's so synchronistic don't don't buy into it guys don't be so shallow and silly I'm not saying you have to work as hard as maybe I did at keeping all this you know balanced because I've always been really conscientious so it took a lot of work to you know to for me to dance the dance of this stuff it's it's it's yeah it's

just it's been a lot a lot of my life dancing the dance with how much to do and not do where to go and what not to get we're not to go what to do with whom and to teach to not teach this class to write that book to not write that book boy you know that's just been taxing in so many ways but when I can share topics like this like a snippet of the big picture of what I know on this topic of dating sexuality sensuality boundaries romance rebound when I can take a snippet and put it in a talk like this

and hear any amount of you folks going wow I was almost going to go there and now I get it that you understand that adds feathers to my wings and takes me higher into the heavens while I'm alive and after I pass it's true yeah it's very beautiful and meaningful when when we can help people see through the stuff the stuff of this world the stuff that so easily deceives it's so sad that they can get misled into thinking it's normal so do it guys who's telling you that there's a saying

when you tell a big enough lie often enough people will believe it so when you hear people telling you it's normal to get used to be used to use others to do one-night stands and so on they're all lying to you I'm telling you they're lying to you it's not congruent with your heart and soul your heart and soul would say even if we did share only one night with a person if it's love and respect there's no more you need to hear from me on it no lecture no it was the wrong way you're not gonna hear that love and

respect nobody should question it it's just usually it's not love and respect and so you know power to to you whatever decision you're making but please do your best to anchor in more light and bring a different world - especially future generations let's tell them something different about this okay I hope I pray thanks