Relationships: Healthy Versus Unhealthy

hello there thanks for joining us for our Friday night spiritual insights with Michael Muir dad somebody wrote in and asked if I would talk about something and just bear with me for a second something called special relationships quote-unquote special relationships and this is a term used in A Course in Miracles so I have to sort of explain and give some background it doesn't matter the terminology special relationships it's it's got a very deep root to why he's using that term why that book uses the term and in modern

terminology you could say instead of special relationships codependent because special is being used almost sarcastically so it means codependent relationship so when someone says you know what does the course mean by special relationships it's the same as what you could say would be co-dependent relationships except it comes it's its approaches from a much deeper deeper spiritual psychological level instead of sort of the just modern psychology or modern relationship terminology all right so to explain here's how it rolls

we are holy beings created in God's image we then without being able to go into the reasons right now we then wondered what life would be like if we could separate from God and so we seemingly created a world where we sort of blast it away from the center that is God we blast it away from God and became a countless numbers it's beyond trillions a countless number of what seems like individual little souls flying desperately through the universe because we've blasted away from the light of God that's how it seems you can't really

leave God separate from God but this is how it seems so we blasted away it created an alternate reality instead of the capital our reality of God the lowercase R our own reality and as we blast it away we just like anything that that sort of explodes apart something that was together like a family that was together that blasts apart mm-hmm a job that was together in blasts apart anything that sort of explodes this rude awakening the loss so just into it guys into it what it feels like to lose something and then

imagine what it would be like to lose the most significant thing you could ever fathom love oneness god bless peace joy so that's what happened we in our imagining that we could separate we also then as a result because thoughts are things as a result we seem to have blasted apart from God from love from peace from joy but also from each other we don't even have our own selves together let alone connection to others so all this is a fragmented universe it is absolutely a fragmented universe and you can try as you may you know some

spiritual version of a Rubik's Cube times a billion and try to put all the pieces back together and that's what we have been trying to do on our own can't put together things in towards or to oneness without including the consciousness of oneness but that's what we did we tried to fragment to try to become one so this Rubik's Cube times a you know billion or trillion or whatever gets rotated around we're trying one lifetime after another one relationship after another and nothing really can and

does come together so because we're feeling all fragmented I've always thought you know this is really pretty clear in my relationships book creating fulfilling relationships the idea is I am the titled it's fulfilling relationships you know and it's a funny thing because publishers and people like that they they have asked me at times you know make your titles sad like something that would blast and become really popular for a year and it's okay if it doesn't sell after that because

you've made your millions off that and then do another book with a pop title they call it sexy title so if I title my book something like how you can find your perfect other you know it'll it'll sell immediately and then eventually people realize it's a lie the title and and they won't dig it so instead I have to tell the truth so my titles are more grounded more true more real and it's creating fulfilling relationships and the only way you can create fulfilling totally filling you know and fulfilling relationships would

be to have all relationships brought towards wholeness healing and fullness so that includes the relationship with God with yourself and with others so and all of these really work partly independently and yet not they also are you know completely symbiotic and connected so at some point we say what can we do to have healthy relationships and we try to keep having better relationships with others but there's God self and others and the last of those the last of the in terms of importance God first meant always and

then as I develop a better relationship with God I also integrate that into myself and have a better relationship with me more honest healing responsible relationship with me but then I also want to bring that that's the key I'm bringing my God and self to others instead of going to others to find God himself and that's the key right there there's a progression versus a digression you can't really go to others for God and self there are no others others and the world itself is simply an outer another is an outer and it's a

mirror of how we're doing inside so this outer is a reflection of this these inner relationships God Himself all were ever seeing outside is a reflection of what's inside and so your sir you know looking for love in all the wrong places and instead it's some people would then sell you on the idea you looked for loving wrong place what you really need to do is look in a different place location still outside yourself and it just doesn't work you know doesn't mean that there aren't going to be lessons it

doesn't mean you are going to have moments of highs and lows and so forth but no no real love capital L in a sense you know no real love no real unconditional sustainable it's something that's high and low comes and goes so relationships are our number one way of healing ourselves not because you can go and get yourself from others but what you can do is learn about yourself through others that's all others are a reflection just a mirror so don't fall in love with a mirror guys don't blame a

mirror either they're just mirrors so others do have an absolute value the primary value is what they teach us about ourselves and in co-dependent relationships we do not understand that we go to others to find ourselves I don't feel very loved hey will you love me oh now I feel loved but it can't it can't last cuz it's a lie first of all because you are not not loved and secondly they can't give you the love you thought you didn't have first because you have the love and you just

don't know it and secondly because they don't exist they're just a mirror to show you the love you have or don't have so hopefully that's not making sense but you know as we as we go into understanding this that's the key to bring self and not to others versus go to others for that's the key for ourselves that's it now if you understand that then you'll know the rest the rest is the relationship that's called a holy relationship in A Course in Miracles let's call it a fulfilled

relationship or we can call it an interdependent relationship that's another term sometimes used and that means I have my act together I really it doesn't mean I'm perfect I kind of know what I need to do on a day to day because it is a day-by-day process and in one day at a time and I understand the rules every day I'm starting with the core in God creating a better self and bringing that better self to others as a kinder loving giving person and so on and then sometimes Wow BAM it happens these people trigger me

they attack and jab at me what do I do react back now you're having an outside relationship which is unhealthy because there is no outside you're having a schizophrenic psychotic experience when you really engage too much with others like that in a blame shame whatever kind of relationship so when others are triggering and jabbing my most important thing for me to do is go wow what's that about what is it bringing up inside of me and I don't mean in the in the traditional psyche world sense when your

counselors now have you know people have started to to make fun of the idea of counselors saying well how does that make you feel that actually is like just scratching the surface that's why it's become almost laughable and when any of us say that to people anymore because we're tired of hearing people say flippin things that don't do us any good so how does that make you feel you know whatever the feeling is anger sad whatever it's not about just I'm angry it's and why and what's going on not

just that you're angry it's what does this remind you of when someone is jabbing or triggering you what does it remind you of now not just in the traditional sense way it reminds me of my mother yes I know as my mother's fault no no blaming is never actually the goal so in a lot of forms of therapy just taking the blame off one person and read you know redirecting it to someone else seems to be sometimes even the cathartic outcome like a goal Wow I I realized it it wasn't my wife that I was mad at it's

my mother all her again you know and you go but I feel so much better now that I know it was her that's actually not real healing it's just miss directing and redirecting the blame which means there's still a problem if anything if anything you're going to associate other people it's only for this purpose it's not just to say well I thought I had a problem with this one turns out there were twenty now I hate twenty people that's not the goal or past-life people that's not the goal

no matter if you name one or a hundred the goal is to say I'm the one who has a pattern with a hundred people I'm the one who has a pattern with three different people yes this reminds me of other people that have done this not so that I can say I knew it you know it's their fault more just more people it's oh my gosh I get it this isn't about who it's about what it's a pattern of who's mine so if I heal my patterns pattern or patterns I become somewhat immune to the stuff that

people bring at me first of all second of all as I heal I also stop needing to project it in others in the first place so that's why spiritual holistic fulfilling relationships are the only answer not one answer not the best answer the only answer healing forgiveness true reality all those words are relevant to the real way this works it isn't fixed by okay a new technique find a cuter other find a wealthier other no you're still having a psychotic experience thinking that there's others that you can either credit or blame for

your life situation there is no other it's it's us now I know that's challenging because you know what are we gonna do go to the bank and say I would like their account I'd like to have their money please because we're all one and there is no other so it's mine you know you're not gonna get away with that so it's a world that does isn't designed to really honor or Archer this consciousness you know so it's challenging you know it's just how do we do that how do we deal with that

how do we navigate I'm in love with everyone you know and really get that that's possible to love everyone and just choose to live with this one or that one and and somehow know that that's doable instead of I either obsess on one or I have nothing you know it's this black or white thinking as they say that exists so much in dysfunctional addictive Minds so the real way this is done as I explained it's bringing healthier self to others okay first of all now what we do is deep down we we know deep down we remember that we

seemingly separated from love God etc and that fragmented ourselves so we are in a desperate situation going to others because when we open our eyes that's all we see our body based on our ego our egos version of ourselves in our body is it's so interesting designed to only perceive outside very few people know how to experience inside you know like when something's happening we're seeing we're experiencing this world with our senses think about that right I mean that's the obvious we have senses but

people forget their higher senses so they experience this world with their senses yeah I'm gonna see it tasted field smell and so on so I'm gonna have my senses telling me my reality but my reality is found in here not with my senses that go looking like probes in space to find a world to find something out there whether it even if it's a probe into the body to look at the biology Anatomy and so forth the idea of going and looking means you haven't already founder that you aren't already

that thing and that's what this world nurtures I'm not saying this is all easy I'm just trying to explain how this works the progression and the connection to it all and the digression in in a sense mmm so it digressed by us thinking we're separate and so we go looking and so on now that's codependence but where the word special relationship comes in from the course and I'll tie that into common terminology and it's this when I feel empty connection to God empty in relation to my connection to myself I go

looking and I'm looking always there's two things you're gonna find when you go looking either I feel good today thank God you know thanks for them I felt you know someone told me I was handsome somebody told me I was smart I feel so much better thanks to them I have money thanks to them when you you're either gonna credit people for giving you you're good or you're gonna blame them for either taking your good or keeping your good from you you know that person they didn't love me the way

I wanted them to love me so you know they're jerks and so on or they did love me they took the love away they took my partner you know my partner fell in love with someone else they took them away the taxman takes my money it's it's either I'm blaming others for taking even this world ages us everything is about blaming or less commonly crediting but it's not a healthy crediting so in A Course in Miracles he's facetiously using the term isn't that special you know meaning this though you are assigning a unique and

special function that's what it means it's like unique special unique so we assign to everybody in our lives a special function they're gonna serve a special purpose a unique purpose to either be the blame for our problems or the credit as long as they don't we don't find reality then it's all about specialness the the reality would be I'm going to forgive them for taking and doing and so forth to me taking to keep you my good from me or taking my good from me but I'm also gonna forgive those

who I thought were the source of my good you have to forgive both or else you're lying to yourself there is nobody that has you you are you they don't have your good nor your bad they're only reflecting our experiences so they are given and assigned a unique and special function to be you know that that thing that I've assigned to you today today I'm going to learn a lesson about rejection I am uniquely assigning you the function a special function of course to be the person who rejects me

and what people do instead is I'm just a wonderful innocent person and they rejected me see what they did now that is not a person that can have a fulfilled consciousness it's not a person that's healing it's not a person that's actually even becoming any more spiritual you know we think spirituality comes from reading it enough or saying it even meditating and closing your eyes enough it doesn't matter you can check yourself into you know hours and hours of trance if you can't open your damn

eyes when you're done meditating and change the way you experience people and relationships including with yourself then you haven't gotten anything yet you you you know you become a bliss bunny you know look at me well you know that's just great but you once you open your eyes it's still back to the same old same old so that's the unfortunate or fortunate reality depending on how you look at it that this world will only change through our forgiveness and the forgiveness is I need to first forgive

others all others those who I thought were credit and those who I thought were the blame my mother who ruined me genetically my father who ruined me behaviorally my or my my father who if it weren't for him oh my gosh I wouldn't have anything you know I have his wealth he you know I inherited or I have his whatever you know skillset you know my mother she did this for me and without her I would have never know my husband my wife oh my god I would be nothing without them my children Oh my dogs my cats you know it's all the

same I would have nothing and that's what we're saying when we give credit to other people now I'm not saying don't thank people but thank them knowing that you're being courteous you're being loving and and you're reflecting that hey thank you for being it's almost like without saying the words you could say instead of thank you for being you know decent to me because you make me feel so wonderful instead what we're saying without these words is thank you for reflecting to me that I'm growing how do

I know that you gave me a beautiful gift today and that's kind of a cool thing that you did and how could I have created that gift without believing on some level that I that I deserved it so wow you're essentially reflecting to me that I'm I'm growing a more prosperous you gave me a raise at work thank you for reflecting that I believe that I deserve that's great see you know I'm not saying you use those words because then people will feel like there's a lack of graciousness or gratitude but that's the

attitude that we can have is it's all about reflection to ourselves mirroring to ourselves so we either the first step is to forgive others for what we credited or blame them for the second step forgive ourselves for projecting that onto them always forgive others forgive yourself and in the third step there's no more need for forgiveness as soon as I forgave others and myself there was nothing left to forgive in heaven they're there there's no need to forgive anything in God there's nothing

that forgives you no yes you could say I even need to forgive God if you have issues you want to look at about God but in God it altima disappears if I have any issues with God they're going to appear within myself and eventually and inevitably get projected onto others so it's a great start to realize you know forgive others for what you believe they've done forgive yourself for sort of not only projecting that on to them but for believing that that's what you deserved and then return into the light

of God and you realize at this place there's no need for forgiveness so you know it's it's it's a progression back but we digressed coming this way God lost self lost on to others and all because I lost here and here others are doomed to see the reflection of loss and loss it's really hard to see a crystal clear vision of life crystal clear you know 10 G or whatever you know and now it's 4 g + 5 g no this crystal clear we'll call it high definition life when we're we're sort of shooting on

tattered old half burned up super 8 or regular eight film you know the little home movie kinds of things in the old you know in the old days or even worse you know little Polaroid snapshots that turn yellow about an hour after they've you know been shot I'm exaggerating but you get what I'm saying we're trying to experience life from such a limited consciousness and we're expecting bliss and blissful relations you know and and I I do understand that it's kind of for some people irritating to kind of hear

about this well wait what about love and we can't we just create a wonderful perfect other person that makes us feel all wonderful and no so that's the answer to that it just seems like you can but here's what you can do you can create nicer others loving sweet beautiful others because you've done responsible work with yourself because this is a reflection the one is a reflection so there are two types of relationships remember I have several free videos you can watch in our playlist on relationships on YouTube but

you know the relationships basically there's two types gifting and karmic it doesn't matter if it's a relationship like a family member of work colleague a person you meet just passing in a subway it doesn't matter just at a sports event acquaintances loved ones life mates you know whoever we encounter strangers on the street for that matter all of them are reflecting only one of two things karmic relationships or gifting that is to say they are either karmic or gifts to us karma or gifts karmic

relationships are the most common if you meet a hundred people in a day 90 something are likely karmic and I'm not trying to sound like a downer here what I'm gonna say is because we live karmically we live in our egos too much but as you grow spiritually which is one of the perks of getting on the path and growing is your life changes for the better at first it might you might run into you know all the the dark parts of ourselves that want to resist the change but you stay the course and you grow spiritually and then all of a sudden you

start noticing gifting relationships but when you do notice them and do notice them don't ignore them notice them breathe them in give thanks for them not just thanks to those others who are so nice also wow I'm growing I have more people being kind to me than I ever have not ego stroke kind I mean more like truly kind people like me or I guess I'm lovable I painted and they said it was a nice job I mean you know well no it's their job it's an art teacher you know what no it's the beginning of wow not so

bad that's kind of cool soak it in soak in those changes and of course become a gifting relationship to others so think about that which is when you go to the store today did you leave with anybody made better now you can say well no I mind my own business I just go in a shop I leave so I didn't do any harm you did when you're not helping then you're hindering automatically you don't have to overtly hinder to hinder not helping is a hindrance not helping is hurtful not helpful is negligent

there's a saying you know in the old school terminal there are sins of commission and sins of omission sins meaning you know mistakes or harms done or whatever but just using the common term sense of commission or simply those are the things I did that were very not very nice but there are sins of omission which is there's chances I had to do good and I didn't now strangely Edgar Cayce and I'm not going to overemphasize this point but I'm going to say that thank your Cayce was fairly emphatic in

the way he worded that because he was like you know all kinds of mistakes we make that we commit you know deeds and so forth those he's saying basically are more easily overlooked by our soul than sins of omission so take that for what you will but my point is just to say that sins of omission mistakes of omission are serious you know yes don't commit acts of hurtfulness but when you think well I didn't harm anybody so I'm just peachy are you bringing good are you making a difference did you leave

the store with even one person you went out ran errands today is there even one person that was positively affected by your presence and if you could say yes right on man nice job now let's try to tomorrow now that doesn't mean it has to add up to a thousand within months I'm not trying to overly push that you have to you know go out and do a certain number i'm only saying that that should be our general pattern that several forget the number going up up up up per se like in a literal sense just in

general are there several people that i've left better somehow by my being here that's that's not only a person who is going to get to go to heaven because you've been a good boy or girl it's actually a person who is living in heaven now and in fact is the presence of heaven when I am in my goodness and my healthy love and gifting behaviors and presence I am the presence of heaven that's what heaven is total goodness so the more I bring goodness and em the goodness I am the presence of

heaven I don't have to pray for heaven on earth I am heaven on earth even in my day-to-day doings actions beings so that becomes interdependent I feel very good I feel nicely connected God itself God itself and I feel so good today my my morning I start every day with that connection communion with God which you know I exercise that I printed and put on my website for free it's a download called daily communion I connect with spirit with God and I integrate that into myself now I feel more fully equipped to bring that goodness to the

world if you say I'm gonna bring it to that naughty bad evil world because I'm good and you know then you're missing it again I'm just gonna bring it to the world period I'm not gonna judge what the world is doing I'm just gonna bring this to the world and yes the world doesn't nurture these kinds of things but how could it ever if we don't bring it at some point as they say the world changes but through our efforts we have to show up and be the change we want to see in the world so I feel

interdependent that means basically not codependent codependent means dependent upon others generally that's a definition but it what it also means is you are responsible for my anything good or bad you are responsible that's co-dependent interdependent understands I am and I bring and now we are very cool that's interdependent but what if they don't want that and they're jabbing I am and I'm bringing and they don't like it I don't care they're parts of me that have resisted before there are

parts of our collective that still wants to resist whatever you want to however you want to see it I don't care about that I'm carrying only about the truth of God the presence of God not about the ego reactions this is what we have to do you know and it's um like a very objective enter to complete within myself kind of state of mind III got it I'm good you know I've shared many times with folks you know in talks where if people ask me to do something that I'm not interested in doing I often

use the terminology no I'm good thank you you know I don't mean that to be a snooty or anything I it's it in the words that pop out of me or just that no I'm good thank you I'm good Michael you know here's something you know to eat or drink no I'm good if I'm if I'm not needing anything I just say I'm good because it means I'm clear I'm fulfilled I'm fine as I am I'm not trying to say anything profound it's just how it learns to say that came up that way so that's how we can be and not

always in words but in attitudes too so when someone tries to get you to engage in an argument without saying no I'm good I don't need to be in this argument instead it's an attitude of you're saying to yourself good got it done and then with that comes peace so I just you know not choosing to engage so I'm feeling okay I'm at peace so that's kind of a good way to look at it just think about it that way interdependent versus codependent that's what the course is trying to use you

know with a deeper meaning though wholly relationships special relationships special hate relationships sometimes they're called when you when you are blaming them you know for your problems or special love relationships where you think they are the answer to your problems they're still special in the sense that you're assigning them the special function of fixing you or fixing you by giving you something or by making you feel better that it was somebody else's fault it's not a real fix it's not a healing

it's a quick fix not a real fix it's a quick fix and it will wear off the people you think you love because they're so nice to you ego stroke wise that's going to wear off because eventually they're going to forget to give you the flowers that usually give you or whatever it is and it wears off a holy relationship is interdependent but that's not to say that they're just objective and interdependent a holy relationship the word holy is used for an important reason just like special is being used

in a course of miracles very specifically it's very important that it's using that you could say well they could have just called the codependent and yes they could have but he's got a reason for that little bit of cynical use or the sarcastic use because we so often think people are just so darn special wonderful beautiful because they like us of course people that don't like us are the opposite and we don't like them he's saying no no they're the same whether you think you like him or

whether you think you have good cause to hate them they're actually fulfilling your specially assigned function of them being something of importance or value or even even existent they're not they're just a reflection they're not the cause of anything they're a reflection so then when we go to holy he's using the word holy because he's saying you can't just become objective and interdependent I'm fine I don't need anything that's a false form of it what it means holy means you didn't just say

well people are screwed up I think I'm gonna stop with special relationships and codependents I'm just gonna go have one with me and God in a cave in the Himalayas no that's not a holy relationship holy means specifically that you have done the following you have seen what you're doing and chosen to forgive others for the role that they're playing not doing this and doing that and saying hurtful things and you know learning to forgive but then forgiving yourself for assigning them that role because you

were the director and you asked those actors to play those roles and now you're ticked off at them because they played it too well you know they stopped playing the role that you were hoping them to play and you're mad at them or they played it all too well I played you too you know hired you to play a villain and damned if you didn't do a great job at it now I'm hating you for it it doesn't make any sense directors insane forgive yourself wow what was I thinking I can see by the five relationships I've had where

have betrayal that or you know abandonment or whatever it was I can see that that reflected to me little bits of myself that might think that I'm unlovable or unworthy or whatever it might be I look for my own patterns so where I started with God and then losing God itself and then you know losing others consistently and being upset about it I now learn to forgive others forgive myself and connect with God but I don't just say goodbye to others say goodbye to self and become one with God what happens is on a day-to-day basis I

came this way I returned this way and I come back this way so I'm enlightened once upon a time but then I fall into the earth plane and all its trappings then I'd find enlightenment again but even after enlightenment before enlightenment I'm chopping wood and carrying water and after enlightenment I'm gonna go and chop wood and carry water still you still engage you're still possibly make love you still possibly have jobs you know do the normal things in life but something change and here's what changed instead

of me losing self god itself and going into the world of others and trying to simply repair my world by getting a raise that means I'm better getting a better car that means I'm better having people that seem to like me having good of anything looking great meals or goods eggs and all the stimulating and sedating things that you want wonderful that's the world and that's what most of the books and teachers are talking about it's all bogus because it's still focused on others which are not even

there so all of these books teachings and so on that even movies that make you go oh I want that it's it's all a way to trap us into the illusion the illusion that cannot give us anything can't cause us can't give us anything all they can do is reflect to us what we're already experiencing so when I forgive others I'm really shaking things up a bit in terms of consciousness I'm freeing the world from holding an image of a place of limitation and karma and I'm freeing it so that it can become up

of beauty and a sense of being restored suddenly you know like wow every blade of grass is you know chanting at our holy godlike presence and we at theirs as well every tree is offering to shade us if we're too hot you know or to make sounds when the wind blows and it's dancing and making sounds like like little instrumentation for us in other words it becomes a world that reflects the presence of gods and goddesses in the world is saying thank you for being here instead of Bam Bam Bam you know beating us up for you know

the world that says how dare you show up disconnected from yourself how dare you show up for getting your divinity if you're going to do that then we're just going to kick you now the tree drops a limb on your head you know and now this happens and that happens and the disease you know there's a disease that gets in the tree that once could have shaded us and I'm talking about metaphors to its people literal disease psychological disease emotional disease relationship disease communication disease all these things

happen because they're reflecting a diseased consciousness that we collectively have and had shared but we're healing now and with healing comes deep responsibility and with responsibility comes healing it's they're the same so as we learn to become more interdependent it also means more responsible but the word holy is used altom utley for the holy relationship because we are whole again sacred holy but also whole wh o le again we're whole were one the people that I thought were others that were you know

separate and and keeping my good from me or taking my good whatever ah I forgave them and allow them to be who they are I don't mean just be who they are in the traditional sense but again they're holy I release them to find their holiness because that's who they really are when people say oh I'm just going to respect you know them for who they are that means I'm respecting your ego for what it tells the person they are or tells me they are that's actually not healthy concept but people use it all

the time I digress so back to this its holiness means I forgive you for what I thought you were and now I would love to see the whole the real you oh me too geez I forgive you for what you thought you were and I release you so that I can get to know the real you Oh God there we are I release you from what I thought you were some you know punitive angry God to be what you really are so in in to do that in doing that I become whole but to do that it means forgiveness forgiveness forgiveness until we realize there's

nothing left to forgive I am forgiveness I am a forgiving mind I'm seeing a reflection of forgiveness and that's where gifting relationships come in karmic relationships reflecting our ego our stubbornness our hates our projections etc judgments and so on holy relationship comes from forgiveness forgiveness forgiveness and now holiness comes with me back into my world and reflects that to me here's the line again reflecting world real world the reflecting world will show me images of a broken mind or a healed mind whichever

I am in whatever state of mind am in and every day we learn lets practice more and more forgiveness the real forgiveness not just you know with a little bit of attitude fine you know I guess I have to forgive people for being jerks it's wow how funny I thought people were jerks and that really brought up in patience in me and then that impatience reminds me of all the patterns of impatience I have so I guess it's not just the people sorry guys you know you you all seem so ludicrous that I was impatient with you but also I was that

way with myself how could I not be impatient with others went on some level I'm already in a judgemental state in my own being so sorry about that my bad and then already here oops it was really me I was judging and gosh you know I want to release myself to be able to feel the peace and love of God and when I do that I then with draw in the core into my being the presence of God and then bring that forward into me wow I'm a changed person see I'm not changed just when I let others go and work on myself I still go

into the deepest recess of myself this is a daily process anytime you get triggered this isn't just a theme this is anytime you get triggered find a way when you can't look inside track down what's going on inside this is kind of in my healing the heart and soul book track down what's really going on inside and release it and then choose to not just to release it choose to replace it with something new trigger trigger triggered peace distrust betrayal love peace anger frustration quiet healing

replace it with words like like two words like love and self-worth peace and joy whatever it is but then after you do that I feel different now I don't just feel different because I saw it was triggered coming this way I feel different because not only did I do that that which is God is now more in me now that I emptied some of the old more of the new can fill me up and that's fulfilling so this comes into me and I feel different not done yet bring the change to others in your Buddhism in Course in Miracles and 12-step programs

all of the steps all of the twelve steps all over 365 work book lessons in A Course in Miracles they're all trying to do this one thing how to teach us to connect more with God how to become different from that and bring that change to others and I've shared before this is one of the meanings to a phrase in the Bible the Lord watches my coming out am I going in see that process so I choose to let God watch over how I come in to God how I come out into the world and get triggered sometimes and then come back

in and then get more connected and then bring that to God you know to the world and that's how I'm changing the world though you I let God guide my coming in am I going out and then my coming in again am I going out again and so forth it's really really beautiful when you can see things from a different mindset when you can understand how things work but from a truer sense a more profound sense you know so think about that special relationships you know on your little Hallmark cards my you are special to me

we go ah you know I mean that's how we are I mean but all it means is we're so empty and needy that one flattery and we're like you know we're there we're like I do you know instead Wow what's this this person just smiled at me and I'm walking with a lightness in my step you know don't criticise that they smiled I'm not saying make it a bad thing or negative but just to be able to say wow that's so interesting you know I guess I was feeling low enough to wear one little thing was was gonna feel like

medicine to pick me up so I get it I thank them for that and I appreciate that and now I get to be the thing that I thought the medicine gave me so this is great man now I feel connected to God and I'm gonna bring that to the world and even to the person that smiled now when they smile I don't just oh you know kind of look from an ego or a shallow place of gratitude instead they smile and I feel like yes and then I can bring that to them as a more awake person hi and thanks for smiling it's great to see

you but you're plugged in you're totally centered it's an amazing difference to in a matter of seconds or minutes and I've done it many times in my life obviously I you know I've talked about it and I I work on these things but many many times it could be many times per day that for that matter where you know you just realize god this is great we all have it isn't it great oh you smiled and I smiled and you know and sometimes people think you're probably hitting on them because you look good and you're

smiling and you know you kind of have a sparkle in your eye they woo because most of the time people do that it comes from the facade but how beautiful it is to actually be that excited about life hey how's it going you know wow you look great today and actually mean it instead of saying you know you look great waiting for them to say you do too you know no hooks no no games anymore so everything can be different and that's how we enter a holy life a holy relationship and remember the karmic relationships the gifting ones the

greater majority vast but you know by a vast majority the karmic ones but they're waiting to be healed so that we can create gifting ones because the karmic ones are just already running on automatic pilot when you work on yourself and when we work on healing with others we actually create through good karma let's call it but we create gifting relationships so if you'd like more of those have them get them but not by people giving them to you you buy you earning them and not earning in the punitive kind of guilt shame kind of way

I mean earning them in the sense that you are growing and reflecting a healthier self through others so it looks like gifting relationships alright alright cool guys thank you so much for sharing with me and letting me share with you I greatly appreciate it many blessings and be sure to love yourselves and love one another and practice forgiveness in every form possible forgiveness does not mean enabling but it does mean knowing this is lessons for myself forgiveness in a nutshell remember in the forgiveness book it's

clear and clearly stated but forgiveness in a nutshell I refuse to hate them I'm willing to learn what I need to learn and I also affirm everyone's goodness I release us all to a new life those few steps are really the foundation of what forgiveness is all about so guys thank you very much and hope to see you soon bye bye