Relationships: Dates, Life Mates, and Soul Mates
Transcript
Healing our relationships is important and essential, because it's into our relationships that we project our worst issues. You could say, if you lived as a hermit, you're not really really dancing the dance. You're really not working on the the dynamics that the stuff of life because you're isolated, and there's value to that for some people, but it's too isolating, you know and so insulated in a way and so that creates this buffer around us where we're not interacting with people. People are the primary
places we project ourselves. Now, even a person who's a hermit is going to still have to deal with their projections into the world. It's gonna be into the weather, that's too cold the you know the weather that's too hot the trees branch falls on the person and hurts them that that's actually a relationship our relationships are not just with people it's everything we relate to we even relate to our body we have a relationship with our body so we have relationships with everything but the place that we most project our issues
our unhealed wounds is in two other people so coming to peace and learning to heal our relationships with other people is absolutely essential I've written what's called the book of love and forgiveness for a reason it's all about let's get to it let's let's learn how it's a simple almost in a single day read on let's get to it how to achieve forgiveness how to successfully experience forgiveness but also love you know of course but the effects of that you know so that it's visceral it's in our lives we feel the effects instead of
theorizing around them and I have a Facebook group it's a private group but you know you're welcome to to request to get into the group if you're like if you'd like but it's called friends of Michael Mayer dad and on that group I sometimes ask questions just to get everybody kind of thinking and working on things but everybody is welcome to pitch in you know and so on brainstorm but one question I asked recently was about relation ships it was about you know if you had to reincarnate if you were going to
reincarnate into the future what kind of relationship would you most want what would you prefer to experience and think about this for a sec some of you are on the friends group and I know this is redundant for you so hang in there for a sec but what kind of relationship would you like none at all or would you like just dating you know I just rather relax and just date a little bit would you like monogamy a one person like I meet somebody and they're there it is like a life mate for life you know what what would you prefer what do you think would
most resonate with your heart as it is today who you are today life mates what about um polyamory meaning to sort of be intimate with a few or several or whatever it happens to be for you so it's am I gonna pick nothing you know like no dating I'm gonna be kind of celibate or am I going to date am I going to prefer I'd look forward to coming back in this next life with one life mate one partner just solid and for life you know or is it gonna be I'd like to have intimate I call it intimate friends you know when when you have
because I don't really think that most people know what the version of what would healthy polygamy be that's not what I'm emphasizing at all when I say polyamory you know polygamy is like to to try to marry several other people it's not it you know it's illegal in most places but you know but polygamy is not what we're talking about we're talking about the ability to date a few to love to actually enter relationship with more than one person and I want to make this clear every one of the options I just shared think about this which is
the healthiest just take a second with that which is the healthiest taking a break from relations the next life dating you know because that's got its you know clearly it's got it's kind of like well I'm in control of that all day too I want whatever life made god that sounds just so cool think about it wow you know somebody I connect with my life made a soulmate partnership fantastic or I believe you can love a few people and share with a few people which of these is the healthiest and you can enter your answers if you like you
know put them up there and it's kind of cool some for some people posting that's kind of vulnerable like letting people know you know I've married let's say four times but really what I'm looking for is a life mate you know it's kind of beautiful and vulnerable to put that up there you might you might currently have a life mate or maybe you've had one for years and then you say you know but it's weird because I feel like I feel like I'm somebody that's more capable of
polyamory a marine a more so it's love Pauline multiple so it's you know love for many or meaning more than one it doesn't mean one after another like a typical dating or marriage at one after another polyamory means at the same time simultaneous you know love can that happen now to elaborate on these for a second you'll hear all kinds of arguments one way or the other and it's kind of funny you you're even in your own head you might have these arguments oh I don't believe in polyamory I don't believe in you know just dating it's got
to be one person one person only that's cool no that's kind of cool you know is that the healthiest one you might vote yes let's pretend we took a survey and you've already cast your vote so some of you are gonna say dating because it's it's not so intense as partnership that you know sometimes you have to deal with a lot of stuff because it's relaxed you know you might say oh gosh you know the one time partner got it so beautiful and it has such the archetype of happily ever after you know just kinda had got its own beauty and you know
withdrawing from relations for a bit that sounds kind of evolved I got to tell you you know when you evolve enough romantic partnership is not it just doesn't feel that as necessary and certainly not as pressing it's just not because you just once you really wake up and you realize everything's an illusion you start to prioritize like all of a sudden your consciousness is spending more energy in the awareness of all than it is on specificity there's my partner my one and only hey how are you doing can you just fit in this little box for
me I'm gonna call you my one and only forever you know you're gonna be my Snow White Cinderella story or whatever you're my one and only you know so it's a beautiful little you know fable kind of thing coming to fruition again and then there's polyamory that's kind of cool you know the idea of just it's so beautiful because of the teamwork it's like collaboration can you imagine the beauty of some of you will understand this some of you won't the collaboration of beauty being practiced love being practiced in intimate friendships you
know so it's like gods just it's just gorgeous I mean it has such a great vibe to it at the same time any of those you know I'm asking you which is the healthiest they each actually have perks your head might say no it's impossible only one of them can be right I'm saying right here every one of them is right depending on who the person is that's engaging in that choosing that so every one of them is actually right so hopefully we can peel those things off right away the opinions that one of them is right you know maybe if you know that
if you'd have asked me when I was 15 I would have had a different opinion than when I was you know 40 or 55 or you know now today what I do know is this in in my understanding in my evolution in my awakening to the truth of how things work it's very clear to me I've never been stuck on any opinion of that I'm just saying if you ask me maybe my opinion would be different maybe if we asked you 20 years ago it'd be different from today we sometimes have varying or evolving belief systems for me most of my
understandings stay pretty consistent because of the truth of God so they're just they just don't change but I don't feel stuck or stubborn in them so check this out whatever your decision was now you have to ask yourself this why did you choose the one you chose I'm not saying it's good or bad I'm saying why did you choose the one you chose I chose I'm going to be separate from relationships next time I'm going to really just work spiritually connect with God be of service to humanity beautiful beautiful
beautiful good job but why and here's where I'm at any of these answers are good but only if they're coming from a healthy place so if you chose sort of to withdraw from relationships why and if you answer and you have to be honest with yourself if you're saying oh God why would I do relationships they suck they challenge me they're just horrible if you knew the experiences I had you would understand you know it's just been so hurtful and selfish and no that's not a healthy reason to say I'm gonna withdraw and kind of hang out on my own
if you don't heal the issues then you're going to come back in likely more intensely learning situations so if you picked withdrawal let's call it that you know kind of like not celibacy per se but kind of celibacy or you know to to just focus on oneself if that you know is your choice why if it's hurt based it's the wrong decision my advice would be got to do some healing sorry then you'll find and here's the key word you'll find organically what you're meant to be doing see if I'm coming from a reactive place
then I don't even really know what I should be doing and we can say oh no God would want me you know don't try that at least not with me as the you know recipient of that conversation because I I don't buy it there is no God who says children children children you must only only only marry one one love only one one you know and certainly there's not a God that says I want you all to become nuns married to Jesus that's the way they did it in religion in the old days still practiced today but that's what happened in the old days oh we don't we don't you
know we don't have relationships partnerships lovemaking sex etc intimacy what we have is we're married to Jesus I mean it was like one of the most preposterous things in the world Jesus was like seriously I'm not interested you know but everybody kept marrying Jesus and Jesus is like Jesus so so if you think about it that's not what was meant to be that wasn't what God wanted when when any human being including you and I ever heard in our hearts I want you to marry Christ Jesus let's say it didn't mean Jesus it meant Christ
and when you heard Mary Christ cuz even then the book of Revelation the book ends with a marriage between the bride and the bridegroom all that meant was our soul merging with the higher self marrying the bridegroom the Christ within us it didn't mean Jesus or a religious figure or anything like that so you know we often misinterpreted that to be something in the form but it wasn't it was a spiritual statement marry God join with merge with Tantra with yoga with God with spirit let go of the human self and marry surrender to
like marriage surrender to God that's all it meant so if you were to say here's where I'm at in let's say I'm speaking for you my vote is to remain dedicated to my spiritual path and really not participate in partnerships again why and if you could say I feel like I feel complete with that complete why because you've had no success yes well then you got to get back there and work on that if you can say I feel complete meaning I don't feel desire for it need for it like I'm not saying I
find it negative I find it to be beautiful I feel like I just want to put some time into helping humanity rather than living with a partner I want to marry merge with my work and bring it forward whatever that work is I don't care if it's painting nursing or whatever else I feel like I want to be helpful I want to travel the world and to be helpful to people why cuz I'm wounded wrong reason if that's the reason don't go do some healing work but if you can say no I feel I feel spiritually compelled I feel inspired
that's the end of that that's perfect for you then no more discussion it's perfect as long as it's real inspired organic if something comes from being from the wounded place it's never the right reason to do it and if it's coming from spiritual inspiration it's always the right reason so that's one option what about dating you know if you say oh god I just got to do dating because you know I this lifetime I was kind of celibate on how you lost out wrong reason if you say I didn't lose out I I had
relationship but they were just terrible so I just want to play the field and date wrong reason but if you say I think dating would be right for me because it you could say it's an inspiration you can say I feel like I would like to share my awareness my consciousness with people in kind of a light fashion dating here you know this one you know I'm gonna go dancing with someone for a while and and I'm gonna share some fun and travel with someone that's dating in that that has its own beauty as long as it's coming from a healthy place another
option I want to have a life mate you know a soul mate or like me I want to have someone that is my life mate my partner for life you know maybe it's not the first person I date to maybe it's the second or third person I bent but maybe even it's the first maybe I just a tract and create the first time is the right time like Wham perfect and that's beautiful too if you say I want a life mate one and only because I come from a certain tradition religion culture or something that says all else is naughty I have to have one and only
or I'm naughty wrong reason if you say well my mother oh she insists that I have just one and only wrong reason you know I have always said you know if your mom pushes or dad pushes or anybody else you know pushes and says you've got to marry somebody and you got to marry before you're certain age and you've got to have produce children you know and they tell you who to marry tell them to go marry them you know you stay free man you remain like you know free and empowered and beautiful and find out what you're
about what's organic for you so you know think about that at the the no it's not just necessarily monogamous but it sort of has that vibe in some ways I have a life mate a soul mate it's sort of a monogamous relationship I've got it and it feels great as long as it feels organic the great organic meaning it feels like it's truly me as opposed to my religion tells me I have to do this or that if you say again I I dated and I feel shame I feel really ashamed I slept with a lot of people and I feel ashamed next time
monogamy wrong reason you know if you say I had a partner wonderful but something went wrong you know we broke up Mayer dated another one and and maybe married them and it didn't go that well and I always wished I would have stayed with that first one so next time it's gonna be only one that's again the wrong reason it's only if you can say I just feel like the greater good for me and someone else out there would be to find meet a person and walk through life with them from beginning to end
then again it's organic it's beautiful it sounds like wow I mean and that's the kind of person that that should be with one and really that's the kind of person that should be having children the all the other groups should probably not be having children but you know especially if you're celibate that would be different but you know if you're if you're in a one-and-only not just dating an accidental babies but you know it's when two people get together and they're
just so right for each other and they connect it's really cool when they go you know I'm I'm looking at you you're looking at me we're together and I just noticed that it seems perfectly natural and organic for the two of us to create a third because there's so much love it's imagine how organic this can be to people loving each other's so much that that instead of just saying to people meet that feel lonely and they start craving each other and join in sex and produce kids by decision or by accident imagine this what if two people get
together and say there is so much natural connection the love itself even without joining the love and respect itself is so amazing so incredibly intense in a good way that without even touching a child is practically born sparked into creation that's the only time we should be producing children when it feels that organic like if that means that there's no you know no chance for hesitations or regrets and so on and so on that's my take on that that leaves us with the other which is polyamory
some people go oh yeah yeah totally polyamorous that's me why Oh cuz I've been a nun and I'll never do that again wrong reason to be polyamorous because I'm a sex addict and that's very permissive so now I can get away with anything because I call it polyamory and now there's a you know title out there there's a name called paulien so there's a name for it and and everybody has to you know honor each other's rights if you want to be gay or straight you want to be this or that everybody said this day you know
these days supposed to just kind of say oh well we support you in that so if I'm just a sex addict and I want to become polyamorous it's kind of cool I hide behind it but nobody can call me on it because that's politically incorrect so everybody just kind of supports me and enables my addiction that's where it's not good but people do it polyamory because I'm angry I've been controlled my religion controlled me my parents controlled me polyamory is my way of saying screw all of you I'm gonna do what I want you
can't tell me what to do I'm polyamorous you know so that none of that's organic none of that's real it's reactive and if I were a prospective partner of yours as a polyamorous part of one of your partners I wouldn't be in the slightest interested in you because what I'm hearing is you're wounded and you want to pull me into your little trip and I'm not interested so the only healthy type of relationship the only one that I would say is is really right is a healthy one when you say which one would I come back to do all I'm asking
is first clear any negative or false reasons for doing any one of them but if you can say I got it and I kind of now know which one is right for me what fills organic you might even feel a calling towards - that's not necessarily bad it could be because you're confused could because there's wounds and you kind of or vacillating we should look at that clear that so that whatever is left is right and there's no more doubts I can have two choices and not be doubtful though I'm saying if there is doubt clear it so that you can know honestly
which what it is you're interested in but you know it could very well be you know you know you you find a couple of them seem right like kind of like I'm open you know I could see myself dating and then finding the life mate instead of just finding like me being with them forever I can see myself dating and the other that feels okay to me I can see myself you know being polyamorous and then settling down to one person or having one person and then doing the other as long as it feels love based and
healthy and there's no false reasons behind it if people could know themselves more and be more honest with themselves then we wouldn't even have this question but people are so confused I mean a lot of you are listening to this you don't even realize that you might not have even realized that your decisions your choices what you might have thought was right choice to be Republican or Democrat to be gay or straight to be this or that you might believe you actually have a good grip on why you do it and think no this is right
for me and it may very well not be right at all because you might not have considered some of the things that I shared but do consider them you know some people are gonna choose polyamorous because simply because they've come from cultures in past lives some people are monogamous and and one person only because of past lives I don't want anything from the past or past lives controlling me that's not God God is where I am now with God aligned with God not just where I am now as a broken person when I'm in this moment with God
that's the closest I come to being my organic self so rather than you know pulled pushed by past lives so I don't want any of that pushing and pulling if I was a pagan in another lifetime and I practice beautiful ceremonies out in the forest and lovemaking and it was just kind of fun and Wow and that's controlling me today that's not our then it's not really me I need to know where I am today and who I am today aside from any other previous experience Who am I now now that I've done this in that and cleared and healed this in that
what remains and for me personally because when we did the Friends of Facebook friends of Michael Murray dad Facebook page you know one or two people kind of hinted harassed you know so what are you what are your beliefs Michael and and that's why I brought this up because my beliefs are what I just said every one of those can be unhealthy every one of those be healthy depends on where you're coming from and I would love if I could wave a wand I would love to be able to see the world in a state where they can
just be more healed and organic and know what's right for them instead of so many other things God because there's tensions too that I married this person because you know and well I was dating them I mean I know a person who said they were dating someone and really committed more to the person because they believed when you have sex with somebody you better have a good reason for it or else you're naughty you know they you know she she would say you know she had new people in their past that said it meant she was a slut if she did
that so when she started being intimate with a guy she thought I have to commit to him now and she didn't even like him much but that's the circumstance she got into so that tied her life up for years and I don't think that's organic oh I don't think that's healthy at all and she paid karmic circumstances and and situations for that because we tend to bring up sort of a karmic result for things that we know don't feel right for us on another note you know the when people ask me I feel any one of them can be healthy I've done every one of them
in my own way I've certainly been without I've certainly been married and partnered I've dating I didn't do much it's kind of a strange thing and a lot of people I think would not even believe if I explained my life and my story though around partnerships and intimacy and that sort of thing what I do know is I feel very dedicated to my work and my work does come first which seems kind of insulting you know I know friends or would be friends they thought they were friends I thought they were whatever you know friends that that when they
realized the work comes first they they're hurt they got very hurt you know like they thought kind of like a person who thinks I'm gonna change you you know when they get in a relationship with you bit even without a partnership I've had friends that thought well he must not mean it I mean friendships clearly come first or even intimate friendships come first and nothing nothing nothing not comes before God and I mean that's my relationship that's my spiritual commitment and that's my work if I die tomorrow I know that what I do and you
guys need to know - what you do in your work your spiritual work your soul's purpose is what's going to matter when you reach the other side not not who you dated or how fun it was or you went to Disneyland together nobody cares on the other side we went to Europe nobody cares you know they really don't oh we had the most amazing physical connection on the other side they don't care did you fulfill your purpose which has to do with did you better the world in some way did you bring the presence of God to the world in some way that's your
ultimate spiritual relationship so for me that's first so this is my take if I have that first relationship the one with God and I connected God my relationship with God my relationship with myself if that's well connected to me the rest doesn't matter so I could go without anything else I could date I could partner I could be with several intimate partners you know in a period of time I could do any of them because I see I will not judge anyone of my seat value when they when you say you don't judge something it's it often should be
tested by saying could you do it and that's a good litmus test I can't say that that applies all the time for everybody but it's an interesting litmus test because you know when you say oh I don't judge it but then somebody says well would you do it never you know it's almost like you're betraying yourself because it's like oh no cuz it's bad so it's kind of a nice lip mist test for me anyway to say could I do any of them yeah I could do any of them what I do you know I don't think that for me of all those I could do any of them but I
don't think for me just kind of hanging out and dating does any good for me it doesn't make much sense I don't need anything and I don't need a life mate and I don't need so for me I suppose and I think some of you we feel just kind of complete and this is kind of cool because when you feel complete you will not want or need a relationship but you would be doing well enough that you are open that if it happened you're okay with it see I don't need it I don't have to have it but I can choose it and I love that notion man
I love that idea I can choose it just picture that hey could you could you do life mate yeah I could choose that imagine saying that yeah like it I'm open to that I could choose that do you have to have it no I could date or not date you know just imagine what that feels like to have that level of clarity now some of you aren't gonna like this some of you I get these texts and emails from people you know oh Michael you just don't understand you just don't get it there's nothing like having another person to cook with and to sip tea with
and it sounds like you like that what's sad is it sounds like you have become attached to it but as soon as you start telling other people they're wrong for their type of relationship as soon as you do that you're automatically instantaneously wrong because you cannot tell other people what's right for them you can say this is likely healthy this is not healthy in general but you can't tell a person oh no no no no you're wrong you you're not gay you're not supposed to be gay it's evil no no you're wrong you're you're you know you
dated more than one person that's bad it's against our religion soon as you spout things like that it's all it is is ignorant and ego kind of coming through staying out of the mess staying out of all the opinions and just being able to go Wow good for you see if someone says to me Oh I'm polyamorous I believe in loving everyone most of the time I already know you're messed up you know but I'm not gonna likely tell you that I'm gonna judge you or whatever I just know that most people that have whatever kind of relationship they have as soon
as they have this statement about it that they have to make I know that it's off when they say I'm open you know I'm with a partner but I really do understand that some people are with more than one and I think it's beautiful for me this is where I'm at is I have this one person if it's gorgeous I think that's really healthy right there when you try to to boast it and act all cool I'm just so amazing you know polyamory I had a client come to me this gal and she said you know tears in her eyes you know Michael I'm really struggling with a
relationship problem I said okay let's talk about what's going on well I had to come to you I didn't know what else to do My partner is polyamorous and and I met this person and we became a couple and but they're polyamorous they're with other people and I said well it just doesn't feel right for me and then this woman says you know then my male partner said you're not evolved enough that's your problem you're not evolve de nuf to know what real love is because real love means you
can share with many now see it almost sounds like that could even have some semblance of righteousness and sanity to it but you don't you realize that a lot of people when they're doing that what he's doing there is saying hi honey I want you to be open to other lovers why because I don't want you to question that I'm with other lovers that's what's often behind it which is bogus but also sometimes they're they're just saying I just want you to be open you know but
you can't tell them they're not evolve diff they can't do that what kind of insanity is that you're not evolve you're not evolved enough you don't love unconditionally enough like me look at me you know that's silly you know so I can say yeah I can do 50 different people you know in a week because I'm so amazingly unconditional that's very unlikely my friend you know so you know you just can't you can't you can't pull that over on me but I do know people that can pull off polyamory if you're
just dating and being intimate with several people that's not necessarily polyamory that's just you know a certain lifestyle you know you're just kind of getting around and doing your thing with different people multiple people multiple partners so you know you might say later yeah I was a little promiscuous okay fine that's not polyamory in its truest sense polyamory would mean first first and foremost that if I'm intimate with you when I'm with you and even when I'm not but when I'm into it with you an
intimate I have absolute love and respect for you if you weren't in the mood that's fine let's what are you in the mood for in other words your highest good my high is good and the highest good is all the essentials of why we're being intimate it has nothing to do with the act and what we're gonna do or a goal it's more like the vibe set up between us that there's love and respect and furthermore polyamory and it's healthiest sense is like could I have a couple of partners for example what if somebody is authentically partly gay or
bi then polyamory might take the form of them being with a man and/or a woman at the same period in their life and how can we judge that if it's loving and respectful I think that's truly polyamorous or sometimes if it's the same gender you're with or if it's the opposite sex let's say again I believe it can happen but what has to happen is if if if I and two or three other people in this period of my life are being intimate first of all is it clear it's not that they all have to know each other or know about each
other but are you being honest like our use are you married but secretly doing things and your marriage vows say or your partnership vows say you are sworn monogamous then it's not that you don't even call it polyamory because poly a marine will love amory means love you can't have lies in love at the same time so at least at least be able to say to the partners if even if they don't know each other that this is where I met not in a committed partnership that kind of thing so that's in my opinion necessary and then last but not least if
it's me and two or three or four or whatever other people ultimately what would really be nice and ideal thing is that it when you can grow it into a this is a a pod and we love each other but it can't be one person with a few different people that like them but not each other and that's where triangulations another really messed up things start to happen even when people think they're polyamorous oh my god how many times I've counseled people in this kind of condition where they're claiming to be polyamorous but in comes the the the
infighting and the jealousy and so on and I've seen the best of it I mean I have I've seen people say oh no gosh we're just really alive and feeling blissful and we really mmm we really just love each other and everything's peachy and then as soon as one starts getting more attention by chance or what a circumstance whatever it happens to be oh the hate man the hate starts coming in now it's not polyamorous it's poly hateful so you know poly goes crackers so it's it's it really tests and proves it's not that you're bad for having
thought you were you had it right but it's nice to have it tested and proven wow this really wasn't what we thought and now we can kind of learn from that and you could recover from it and and continue what was there before but at a better level most people can but it can be done all I'm saying there is that there has to be mutual love it just you're still gonna have life challenges just like if you had by yourself or if you had one person or dating or polyamorous you're still potentially gonna have challenges with you know with
their relationship them with each other but is it getting a result like we're a team you know it's amazing because you can live in that pod kind of a thing and if you do it literally in the same household Wow you know there's gonna a lot of people thinking weird things about you some of sometimes I think if you do that you it's right to come out and just say here's how we live so fine it's different from saying that we have an open relationship because that's been misconstrued in the old days open
relationship meant we're you know we just fool around a lot promiscuously and so on is on so I don't mean it in that context but if you had a few people living in the same household I think you know you you kind of have to be prepared to deal with the flack that comes back on you for that or you can have your situation and not boast it to the world you know whatever whatever works best for the greatest good I don't think you have to come out and shout it to the world you don't owe it to people you can live
it instead and just experience that beauty yourself so these are just different ideas so if by chance you feel by ish and you want to explore with one and the other and you know I wouldn't shame that man just get just stop if you're if you're gay if you are gay male or female and you're your reasons for it are wounds from the like child abuse that made you go gay or straight either way I'm straight because I was wounded I'm gay because I'm going to heal it and find out what you really are
if you're gay because if you're gay or straight for because of former religion I'm only allowed to be straight wrong reason check it out see what you're really about and if you're gay because of past lives there are people that are gay today because they were priests that shared with other priests in other lifetimes I know it may sound sacrilegious to some of you but there it is there are people that are lesbians wet women that are lesbians because they've been nuns and that's how they knew each other they came back into this
life with that kind of a familiarity so it's like that's what I know is women then it may not be authentic you got to check it out and see if that's really what you are today you know not being compelled from the past but inspired today what are you really and what a relief oh my god what a relief to take the stigma off and the pressure off there are some of you out there that are that are gay and haven't come out there are some of you that are gay that have come out and we're shamed for it and hopefully that's fading from Planet
Earth but if it's still happening I'm sorry about that let's let's try to open the way and know know that if that's the case for you if there's a group of people right now there's a group of people it's in many thousands watching this program there's not one of us that has the right to nor would we or should we tell you there's anything wrong with that whatever your choice is if it's not come from a healthy place it's not advisable if it is from a healthy place
not one of us could should question you and whatever you do if you say this is really me you know my family doesn't like me but I'm gay my family doesn't like me but I I feel fine about loving more than one person I'm with a couple of partners in my life and it's beautiful then great men none of us have any right to question that if it's healthy why would we should we question something that's healthy that makes no sense whatsoever unless we have issues of on that topic and if we do seems to me we should go
look at our own issues instead of harping on you so please know and if any of us in this program watching were to post something no no no no gay is wrong you know polyamorous is wrong dating is wrong or whatever first if they feel that bless you you know you certainly have the right to an opinion but in this kind of program and in my life I'm not really interested in in the harsh judgments I get that that's what you feel if that's happens to resonate with any of you that you want to judge that sort of thing I get that that's where
you're coming from that's what you feel and I offer counseling or healing if you would like we can talk about it if you're going to use my page my group my broadcasts as a place to kind of shame people and you're not interested in changing or opening your mind or healing whatever's compelling you to spout like that no problem we'll just block you ban you say goodbye you know because you need some boundaries if you're out of control like that and if the boundaries aren't going to include some healthy counseling or looking at it
then there's only one recourse adios all right that may sound harsh but I I'm not interested in enabling people harming other people so I want to start to come to a close here but in part I would like to just remind you go back to kind of where we started which is this let's take a second to appreciate every one of those options has a potential beauty to it and we can say each of us can say and all I want is the one that feels right for me don't think God has an opinion don't fear God having an opinion try to
let go of that stuff from past past programs that God has an opinion about who you love or how you love God's gonna say is it real deep is it are you doing your mature psychological work meaning are you entering a relationship looking at yourself so you can't you can't be with one or many or none as an escape because it is revealed it's not healed so are you willing to do your work and if you are nice good job in A Course in Miracles Jesus makes reference to relationships being such a place of avoidance and it almost sounds like one
minute it almost sounds like in some of the extra diary notes he was that were edited out of the course you know it's almost like you can hear him saying to a kind of one of Helens dear friends Helen to the channel of A Course in Miracles it's like he was saying this gentleman was gay and Jesus it sounds like he just kind of you know hit him with it's coming from an unhealthy place like oh okay he's saying gay is is wrong but no cuz he says the same thing about all relationships he's saying basically if you don't know what's brought you there
if you don't know who you are you can't be healthy in the relationship so you're there just as in another form of escape so he will say that about gay he will say that about straight if you listen carefully because he's saying that we're so commonly dysfunctional in our relationships and our partnerships and every other kind of relationship so it's a good way to just using that reference of course in miracles' is a good way to recognize something and that is relationships are where we most project
our stuff therefore the spirit world says we love the idea of relationships not for romance but so you can heal your issues oh thank you spirit so you're telling me you encourage relationships yes we do but not because you just want me to be happy and kind of blissed-out in my little intimate relationships they're going to you can just have that as icing on the cake if you like it enjoy it when you decide to be intimate you know that's great you do that but that's not why you're with the person you're with
the person to heal what you think you are which is a limited human being and become a sublime blissed you know bliss stated spiritual being and if you cannot accomplish that in that relationship we're gonna get you some other ones to try it out in but we're what we care about on the other side they're saying is your healing not your sensations so if you can meet with someone that you can do both that's the ultimate if you're with a person if you can do both that's the ultimate to be able to say you know honey I really connect with you
this feels really great to one or more even for that matter assuming you're not kind of running solo for a bit you can say to a partner you know or partners this is amazing because I feel this relationship allows me to peel off every kind of limit in my wounding in my issues in my limiting belief systems all that stuff off because we connect we talk we work it when we get triggered we work it and yeah the good gifts that come from that are all so that we can carry over that level of trust and intimacy
and vulnerability into the relationship and even on a sexual level intimate level it it still holds the vulnerability the honesty and so forth and that's why the word intimacy means in to me see see in to me to be with me an intimate I want you to be intimate with me means I want you to be an in time mate a mate in time a partner in the time this time this heal this place of illusion the place of three-dimensionality I want you to be a mate a partner you know like they say partners in crime their partners in time
join with me come on we can do it I know we can do it let's stay focused on love let's work our stuff team three partners for partners solo partners whatever they are you know one partner monogamous partner whatever it is can we accomplish that now naturally most people that try polyamory are not going to succeed because they they're not even real in terms of their intentions but even if they're real oh my god you know you think oh wow we can kind of make love to different people and it's very permissive well great but are you
working on stuff what about when you get triggered if you have four people you have four times as much work I mean if you're not doing the work don't tell me it's sacred so if you're doing the work wow man you could be a glutton for punishment man four times the amount of work but pull it off and the gifts that come from that pull off completely surrendering to one the gifts that come from that and remember I might choose running solo because I've already done the others not because I'm running I might choose solo because I've done the
others might feel complete I might choose monogamy because I've done the others and I felt complete and I want just one focus thing now I might want polyamory because I've done the others and I feel complete so this is you know where I'm at right now don't think any of them matter on the other side because we're just spirits one with everything but on earth which one are you choosing and is it real to you and are you doing it with as much love integrity respect as possible this is you know not just
about sensations and stimulations and kind of having fun this is this as deep stuff relationships are the deepest thing we can possibly do it's the place we work on our deepest stuff if I sit here and you know I don't like the color of this room and I get you know annoyed by it and I can still work on it I can still work on stuff without people being around but man when you do have people around you know there's some real tests there but when the tests involve intimate relations I mean how much deeper can you go with a person when
you're looking at stuff like fears and insecurities and jealousies and oh my god and even intimacy's our body issues and so on and so on you know and so closing I'm going to share this just go reflecting back like I said in my life experience I've tried a few of these things that I played I enjoyed not tried I enjoyed each of these in their own different ways you know I've had marriage and that was fine and cool and everything and we're still great friends and so on I've had long-term partnership and I've had no relationship and and
I've had periods you know of an intimate friends a few friends and for me all of them played a part all over the made sense in their own way they're beautiful I'm not just going well they were all okay like brushing it off I'm consciously aware how each one of them was is great I love each of the people you know ever involved in that way I would say the only rough patch like learning curve was after marriage you know I'm kind of shy and also after marriage I got married to someone I met early on in life so I really hadn't
dated I and so far they never did any of that so it was kind of scary and weird and vulnerable and kind of citing it took me years to get around to it but coming out and saying well hmm what am I gonna do here and even my ex we would laugh talking about it she would laugh at the notions of me going out because it's so foreign to me to kind of do things like that so you know I wasn't going to go out and and play around like a lot of people do and so for me there were a few people that I was intimate with and that was okay but
kind of clumsy because I think that they thought that I was just a guy interested her dating or whatever when they don't they probably don't realize and this is you know probably starting in the early mid 90s even and on in because I was married till around 1990 so 90s into whatever period after that where I'm trying it out and I think some people thought oh he's just a guy dating or something and I'm even on tour meeting people once in a while and I think that they just thought I was a guy typical guy kind of dating or whatever
playing around and it wasn't for me man it was actually and I've never really shared this with a group of people before but it was actually very intimidating very scary very different you know so for me it was very clumsy to try you know this thing and it's not like it was official dating per se but just meeting people and spending time with them however that happened it was it was awkward and it was in a good way it was awkward and a learning curve and I would say some of those decisions and so forth went really well and some were
not things that I felt really at the end that were best interest but that's what happens when we're learning to walk we kind of stumble so you kind of accept it but I think some people thought I was consciously doing something and didn't realize for me it was wow it was like just a child walking and and going hadn't done this before and this is kind of different and so it was a little a little strange and then that grew after you know several years of being with with now and again date or whatever you call that or
not being with anybody morphed into having a couple of different intimate friends maybe for a period and for a period and a period but there were just a few that I chose to spend a little more time with that felt like I was aged progressing because even though I was 30 and in my 30s I was actually going back and doing things I had never learned her experience as a kid so I was now kind of coming out and getting to know as an young adult what it's like to have mature a couple of mature different friends intimate
friends and and I then that kind of morphed into having more like closer and closer friends and so so I had you know periods like that where so I've had all of those you know where I tried a little date here and there if you want to call it that nothing at all partnership monogamous you know and awkwardness which is how we you know get to know ourselves and that's why I was able to even teach around intimacy and sacred sexuality because I was always it really to my best coming from and wanting to come from a place of integrity I don't
know if everybody always understood it or saw it that way but it really was and if I ever slipped I kind of just really felt I don't know for lack of a better word horrible about it because the slipping for me was like wait a minute that's not completely aligned and it doesn't feel right so let me step back and check that out again most people don't care you know you date did you try it out and a lot of people they go they date they get buzzed sleep with people and they just go well this is what everybody does so they don't care I just
didn't have that ability to be you know careless so to speak I didn't have the ability to disconnect from my conscience and I think that's good but some people think it wasn't good because I wouldn't let go with them and do other things more often but I just had to know that everything was right and I had to know that everybody was safe I knew that if we're intimate some very powerful things can happen when you bring spiritual presence to things like intimacy very profound things happen and people can get
either scared or overly attached because it's so wonderful so to be able to navigate that and say hey is there anyone out there that can share that without getting too tripped out one way or the other and and it isn't that common you can find that sort of thing so I just found that I thought hey you know what if if I'm going to be intimate the person has to be a friend they asked that's why I call it intimate friends it can't just be intimate I don't believe in friends with benefits cuz which is fine people do it but it's not my thing
that's called mutual usery you know you just pretend that this doesn't mean anything and I'll pretend we'll just get our you know desires met and it doesn't all it does is create more emptiness so I don't really promote that I don't think it's healthy I'm not saying I judge it or care that much I mean I'm not gonna get on a big soapbox about it and put it down I'm just saying I can see it for what it is and most people it's Mutual usery so I recommend instead
don't be intimate with someone that doesn't feel like there's love and respect or what I call a friend a friend man that's so beautiful we have a friendship and if the intimacy goes away can we still be friends if not then we were probably never friends or at least we were only friends to a degree and we were putting aside issues that we didn't want to look at that's what would be happening to me even if the intimacy is not there were only friends if the love and respect still remains and I think that's cool
and that's kind of how I this all morphed from me and and it came to be for my understanding so I see all of the most valuable I've done them all and I don't go I've done them and these are wrong and this is right see then you know it's still reactive from a person I can actually truly authentically say every one of those options of relations has quite great beauty to it absolute great beauty as long as we know it's coming from a healthy conscious decision rather than a compulsion or reaction okay so I pray this has made good sense
and you know in a way it's a little different from of our talks but my prey it's made good sense I hope you feel inspired by this I pray that it's made sense and most of all I pray that it makes a difference in your life all right many blessings and thank you for being with me here but also thanks for being with each other and thanks for letting me share a little my personal history because I had done that before with a group but I hope it made sense and that you understand where I've been
okay blessings to you bye-bye