Our True Identity

something that's come to us all is we're starting to hear in the pop psychologies and the the the spiritual teachings of today we're hearing these ideas along the lines of you know empowerment personal empowerment so that's good that's healthy it's better than just dis empowerment but what we then did was tried to go from disempowerment to self inflated empowerment it's better than no empowerment because at least you stand a chance to get some great ideas from it but it is not the answer it's just

better it's just a better idea because you start getting some idea that you have value so what I'm leading to in part is that lots of teachers and teachings today will tell you you know that basically you are you are such and such you you know you need to be empowered and you need to take your power back and all these kinds of things and even when you're being coached count counseled or coached or or twelve steps you know it the idea even in twelve steps the idea is you can't really do this without God you know so there's a

humility that changes us you can't fix the world with the same mind that screwed it up that was just a slightly paraphrase there at the end but you you can't you can't fix the world with the twisted mind that miss created it so you say well then I'll improve my mind no no no there's a shorter path calling upon the divine that knows what fixed would look like better word would be what healed would look like so we got we've got this tendency on this planet to say well I've got this you know I'm not

going to go back into humanist verses holiness but the emphasis today is your identity so popular today is your thoughts create your reality they don't they only assist your creating your reality your thoughts still come from somewhere some of you have heard me say this so thank you for your patience while I repeat it isn't your thoughts per se and it isn't your thinking brain per se it's your soul your soul doesn't have thinking the way you know thinking to be so we've got these humans walking around

trying to do behavioral modification I'm just gonna fix my thinking no IIM wonderful and I do deserve a raise and that's better than I'm a lowlife and I don't deserve anything it is it's better but what we're doing though is puffing ourselves up to a degree you're tempting the ego to join you as long as you're still in your humanist versus holiness the egos gonna try to hijack it all and turn it into something less than holy or divine so people are talking about your thoughts how important your thoughts are

and I'm trying to get across to people your your your human self still is the thinker like in certain Buddhist meditations and processes you're backing away and you're backing away from the one that thinks that it's thinking then the one that's now aware that it's thinking that it's thinking you back out from that too it's appealing and appealing and appealing and appealing away to where all of a sudden there's there's like a sense of nothing which for some people is frightening but then

nothing isn't where you stay after the nothing you start finding the only thing lots of something's then nothing then the only thing and that's back to a state of divinity you know that's not something that that happens only for people that wear robes it's not for people that only in people that have meditated for a certain number of hours but it's a funny thing because you have some people that have meditated austere lives dedication for lifetimes and they still haven't gotten that and then you

have somebody else they sit down and their very first time okay now how did they say to do that again okay close my eyes and then they see God and it's like wow I saw God then you got these angry you know people with robes going on now I have more forgiveness to work on but you can't determine when that points gonna be you're better off just not caring you're better off treating yourself like you're already there and it doesn't matter which is a really cool trick to play on your ego instead of I'm waiting

for something divine to happen you just know it's kind of feels like it's already happened your ego is gonna say prove it have you seen purple in your meditation sparkles angels yet well no see and that's what the ego does always trying to make us feel like we're flawed so what you do is instead you go well the human me would like to dwell and obsess on that being flawed but you know I'm not going to instead I'm going to just go and it's okay making things okay your ego doesn't know

what to do with people that do things like that when you just say but I know I'm already there and I as I stand here I'm telling you you're already there if you don't believe me and it's impossible to believe me you know work on that or just give up and listen to somebody else but I'm standing here and I guarantee you that you're already there because you never originally left we can't leave all that is all we're doing is experiencing the holographic okay you know lenses that we

put on the holographic headset is showing us a world that once upon a time seems to have manifested and then we seem to have gone in and lived there for a billion years but it's actually just a holographic program it's just software just eject it you know stop believing in it so what I'm partly saying is even though you and I are living in the hologram apparently living in the hologram we're actually not here we're in God with a headset on that we chose to put on that's called the belief in

separation and we chose to put on a headset and go well if we could separate from love what would it look like hey check it out shoot oh my odd and that's it and that's a and we're still thinking we're there now that we put it on it's like a really bad trip you know a lengthy bizarre trip that you couldn't get out of so once so if this is my point is this when Buddha said the number one problem for Humanity is is ignorant what he meant was identity ignorance you forgot who you are that's what he says I don't

know why that's not taught within Buddhism much or pseudo Buddhism even pseudo Buddha's meaning a lot of people that walk around getting drunk with mala beads on their wrists you know the suit I'm a Buddhist man you know you know it doesn't make any sense to me you know just come on you know it'd be better if you just say I'm an alcoholic and get into a program you'd make a lot more progress than than this I mean anyway so don't get me started so the idea with this is it's the ignorance of identity

the only reason we suffer Buddha was saying was ignorance but he meant ignorance of your identity if you know who you are you will not suffer because your real self is I am self it's a divine self you look you can't harm people when you're in your true I am you can't be harmed when you're in your true I am presence so back to identity okay now we have a problem because the human can't easily just remember the holy what you can do is do your best to live as though you're in that state of mind kind of a fake it

till you make it concept yeah kind of but it's not really faking it till you make it it seems like that but it's not really because you're not faking it cuz you are it we really are holy beings but we forgot so how should I treat myself for the things I've done the shames done to me the shames I've done to myself well if I remember that this is all because I forgot Who I am then I'm going to be more patient with myself like well yeah I did do a little too much this and I did do a little too much

that but considering I forgot who I was it's understandable you know if you found somebody who was a victim of amnesia I mean what are you gonna do like shame them for not remembering who they are shame them for not remembering that they were somebody's husband or wife or or their child they have amnesia you'd be like oh well this okay and you would think in terms of how can we help them heal the amnesia to help them come back right I mean it's you yeah I don't think most of us would have anger at

them how dare you have amnesia it would be like how can we help that's the way we're supposed to look at people that act rude on this planet including ourselves forgive them they know not what they do meant Jesus was saying all you guys have amnesia sorry to say that you know and they're like you jerk stab throw things out I'm you know and punch him and and he's still like wow amnesia squared you know like but it's still amnesia it's still amnesia it's not like what we've just

gone from amnesia to you're a jerk people then you're believing that it's happening so here's the identity crisis of all identity crisis the more you react when people do things the more you're affirming that their amnesia is true if somebody says I don't like your hairstyle and you get mad or defensive about it you're actually showing that you have buttons they can push those buttons could only be there because those buttons are called beliefs so I'm reacting you to you because I believe on

some level even if it's I don't want to believe it those are still beliefs so you fight back well I'm not I don't have those beliefs I'm just trying to prove that they're wrong that I all of that defensiveness Jesus saying resist not evil this is easily said I mean I'm standing here saying it's not easily done all the time you might be able to handle it when someone cuts you off on the road you might be like okay I got it Wow very cool I got it but if they happen to run over your foot you know

you're not gonna be like oh you know it's it's you're gonna be in pain because it's but it's still a hologram remember a dreamt head dreamt bumped against a dreamt Rock brings dreamt pain so even in a nightmare at night things feel painful they feel real when you're being chased or hurt or whatever so even a dream feels real that's why this is seemingly so real but it doesn't change the truth behind it we are holy children of God made in God's perfect image not just perfectly made but in God's perfect

image the and then in pop psychology and New Age thinking we then go that means this person oh so so I'm made in God's image no God doesn't look like you and and I made it gut so I'm okay no actually you're not you're suffering from psychosis you think you're here and you're engaging with people at the level of fear and pain so when we say you're made in the image of God we don't mean this reactive person here this person that thinks they can get aged or die get sick or dunno that's real thing

God you can't have deaths in God what you have to just God have debts I'm made in God's image God cannot have debt therefore I can't have debt so you can see the contrast the point is it seems like it just get that this is how it seems it seems like I'm alone it feels you know seems like it or feels like I'm scared or hurt or in pain or but but just remember in the back of your mind be able to say but in God this is not so there's a lot of workbook lessons in A Course in Miracles along those lines

that are affirming that despite what seems to be it is not so you're not being taught denial denial actually has only one true function negative denial is to print pretend something doesn't look or feel like it is and in that's silly because we do believe in these things so that's a false form of denial real denial is to know you're I am God presence and that something can't harm you something isn't greater than you you can say I feel like it but then be able to say but but it can't be so that's the

truth that's not denial and if you call it denial it's called healthy denial because you're denying an illusion having power over the truth of who you are that's real that's true so sometimes this concept of identity is often said but rarely understood when I'm talking about identity I'm saying that it isn't the self inflated okay I now have self-esteem I'm seeing a counselor who's helping with my self-esteem and it's good to do that but they can only take you so far into self true self esteem

self esteem means I am one of a steam and I don't need that I have to really understand true value not just esteem which is that Journal value internal value the real value of Who I am is beyond measure when you say value it could mean your true worth but I'm you how are you ever going to understand your value if you don't know who you are so I have a lot of you folks come to me as clients and say well I'm really starting to work on you know self-worth or myva and I'll say really and and what makes you valuable

well because I'm a good person wrong what makes you valuable well I'm a good mom wrong next what makes you valuable well I'm very creative wrong any answer you give about your value is gonna be wrong it or bi wrong what I mean is it's still limited because it's still you that you're talking about the only time you can truly gain self-esteem if that's the term you want to use for it although that's externalized true self worth slash value comes from your real identity which you don't determine so as

soon as you say I'm valuable because I could stop stop you can be a spiritual teacher I'm really valuable because I'm a spiritual teacher you're still talking you're true your only true Worth and value comes from God I am the more and and that's where that vulnerable comes from and says you know what I know nothing you show me and that's where the last shall be first and the first shall be less talk about your esteem you're dropped to the bottom say I don't know but God will show me and you're taking

high C and that part hasn't been absorbed yet by humanity that part just hasn't been gotten yet wrap the minds have not wrapped around that yet because it involves something higher so so even spiritual teachers are gonna teach you at one of these three levels you have a spiritual self a soul self and a human self almost all teachers even so-called spiritual teachers are still only addressing the human self we're gonna talk about your health your finances external things how to get that new job external things out

all I mean human beings are just so much asleep but even those who have a clue and want to help people usually only know how to help on that most fundamental level there's another level called the soul then there's the spiritual now as soon as the teacher says I'm going to advise you on the spiritual level walk away this one I recommend it you're reserved for God to be your teacher the greatest of us can only help your soul here the heart and soul which which helps you prepare for the spiritual so sometimes the work we

do those of us that get the priorities straight what really happens is we prepare you for the spiritual the highest of us but there's only a handful of spiritual teachers that can take you to the highest level of the soul but if they start talking about themselves and how amazing they are they're actually confirming that they're even lower than that a true spiritual teacher knows how to step out of the way and say don't stop here this is the you know the train keeps going man don't stop here this is

not your full stop all the way home let the mother the Divine Mother the Holy Spirit be your teacher and your healer why would you settle for a human don't even settle for an angel or a deceased relative don't settle for light beings don't settle for anything that is in dimensionality go for that which is beyond dimensionality go for God just let the Divine Mother Holy Spirit lead in your own words call on Christ whatever word is right but go all the way home let me or one of us teach you about the

human let us teach you about the soul those of us who are worthy to do so but understand the rest is between you and God and that's good humility for us teachers and for you any of us that are students see what I'm saying there's three parts of me and I want them all to get awakened as best I can this one's already awake technically this one's already awake I need to work not on my knowingness with God my beliefs my beliefs are the middle one and my outcomes are the lowest one the human self is just the outcome so when

people tell you you know what you need to do you need to do a certain physical exercise and then before you know it you'll be one with God no no that doesn't work it doesn't make any sense you cannot spiritual eyes the body per se what you can do is spiritual eyes your mind you can let the light of God shine into your mind and raise your soul's awareness then your soul's awareness will reflect in your human life but the human will not make you divine no matter how much you fast pranayama breathing it doesn't

matter you can't and if you could the moment that it happened I think I talked about this last Friday night the moment that it happened the body would disappear anyway you can't be divine and hold a body eternally the body's a statement of having lost my divinity I'm not shaming the body the body isn't real how could I shame it the body is a reflection so it's really neither to be loved nor hated it's to be seen as a vehicle to bring divinity not to be divine to bring divine so I'm

gonna come into this lifetime the body is not bad eyes if this body and say hi some of us won't zip up a body we'll be on the other side going hi there can I be one of your guides yes that would be really great thank you and they'll teach you from there but some of us got into bodies because some of us need to hear words actual word that we need to see someone that we can believe in as soon as you you know every time you think you're in it you need of that I need that person to talk to me cuz I'm in it

you know and so if your a day your you need of them you know it's the way this mind works this consciousness works but when we know our true selves everything starts to relax everything kind of comes back to this this state of ease because you're slipping into this feeling of being instead of doing so it all kind of works out I love the way that it it kind of turns around and works out so if you're talking about if you go to a teacher and they're talking about the health and the body and fitness and you know openness

and of the body I think it's great massage included body work physical therapy chiropractic prosperity all the things of the material they're fine but it tells me that that's a teacher of that level which is great it has a purpose it serves a purpose it's fine don't make it your God but it's fine excellent then go to teachers of the soul how do you know if they're the solver versus the body cuz they'll talk to you about the soul they'll talk to you about love and forgiveness because

that's heart the lower three chakras are of the human the upper three chakras are of the divine the hearts in the middle so the soul teacher talks about love and forgiveness they talk about connecting the dots see a teacher that talks linearly they're still of the human there's this one thing you all ought to know and it's the only thing you should know at this one little piece a teacher from this level goes here's how it all connects here's how chakras can connect with this and this can connect with that

and oneness and meditation and ancient civilizations or whatever we you know the heart teacher is going to be really of a great great consciousness try in your own way to make sure that you incorporate that in your studies in your spiritual work otherwise you're only working on one level it's not a bad level just not the highest level get this one and work it but get the next as well the soul level teachings and teacher but the finale you know that's God that's when you're when you're

starting to talk about oneness and God and I am presence that's when you're being humble when you see how do you know if you're going to the spiritual the word surrender is the first and foremost word it's not how much you think how much read it's the opposite put the books down and do this not permanently not permanently don't do the body don't do the study to know in the moment that you're doing your spiritual study it's with God you know when people say to me you know and I have to admit

you know in all my years people would say well how do you like because I was a kid when I started teaching and they would go well you can't really know anything you know you're only 20 I was already doing seminars and lectures that in halls you know and mm-hmm the humanists in me was like oh they're they they they can't believe that I'm teaching this what do I do well I just taught I just did it anyway I just would get up walk up front and you know and I would stand to teach and I would hear some of the know you know

he's so young and all these comments and it's like as a kid because nobody taught me differently as a kid I was feeling a little worried or insecure about it and so they would say you know you know some people where did you study or and I would I would like well I've studied a lot and I read and I kind of read here and there but they couldn't just believe that it was just God so I had to try to give them something they could believe in in so doing there's nothing wrong with that it's called bridging but at

the same time I had to realize I'm making excuses for being connected you see I don't have a problem with the fact that I was 20 and did that I mean I was kind of a kid and that you know I don't know what else to do because nobody taught me nobody said here's how you plug in I didn't see any spiritual teachers that look plugged in you know you could hear about some that lived once upon a time but I didn't see it modeled so I had to kind of fend for myself and this is going to be an important

part as we're gonna come to a close in a little bit here it's not just my story this is for everybody here going into the new year 2020 this is going to be happening a lot you're going to be going through and I'm going to be going through these same tests because we're going to start going through more and more of a period of refinement prioritizing and getting refinement so you know not every buddies you know comfortable with that that idea what does it mean to get refined it's to be what you talk about

to step in to be and become all these things we talk about and you know pray for and whatever but one thing that'll help you is to know the difference do not just go to a teacher or a book on either of these other two topics and definitely start bringing in teachings of the soul and not just of the humanists don't just go to people coaching you and counseling you on your humanist do that and more not instead of that because if you try to ignore that it's bypassing you're trying to do the infamous spiritual bypassing oh I'm just

gonna chant myself into enlightenment while the rest of my life falls apart get this right but start incorporating my bit of advice here start incorporating more soul level teachings how do you know their soul level they need to be higher they need to be about love and forgiveness they need to be simple and clear instead of convoluted and crazy and they need to be about connecting dots instead of separating them instead of this things wrong and this thing's right just bring the pieces together that makes sense and as this is

happening you start realizing this is really weird I'm starting you know before you know it you're like living this instead of studying it and this is how you do it get the highest teachings you can don't settle you know and and recognize like using an example from my life I'm telling you that one of my biggest challenges in this lifetime and I'm saying it's gonna be the same for you because this is the same as I talked about last week the blending the merging moving from humanists to holiness sounds

contrasted the ego wants you to feel contrasted because divided we fall so you can say well ok I'm tired of this whole human thing I'm gonna be like a mystic the Mystics screwed it up too because they tried to not be human and live as though they're divine because that makes sense that's how to get home I mean it makes sense don't act human act connected all the time and you next thing you know you'll be home but they keep having to incarnate again they didn't descend most of them they end up

having to come back because they didn't chop wood and carry water they were like oh no you know it's an illusion it didn't yeah and then you starve to death now you're back to not starve this time so now you're an overeater you know and compensating for your mystical life times and it's like well then how do you do it and I'm telling you as a human being I didn't have someone stand up and talk about this you know I never heard that but one of my greatest challenges in this lifetime

certainly it's in the top two challenges and they're both they both overlap and one of them is dealing with that how to reconcile what I'm saying is I knew there was an identity in me that felt spiritual as a kid but nobody understood it nobody got it nobody explained it to me once in a blue moon once in a blue moon I mean I remember going to an aunt's house you know somewhere back east here you know back east you know my parents you know we came in and they're saying for some reason this this they called her the

crazy aunt but she's actually the one that wasn't crazy the only one you know and so she says Michael can I do a reading for you and I'm like is it okay I'm just a kid you know like probably 10 10 12 somewhere in there you know my parents are like out whatever you know and she's like home you know she gets out her two row cards she's like oh my oh my you know my dad's like yeah we know you know and she goes no he's gonna be a teacher he's gonna be helping lots and lots of people they're like hey uh you

know could they they're giving the Italian reactions and yeah right you know and and this world will not always support it but that's one out of many that didn't you know they got it so as a kid and I'm saying this to all of us in our infancy and adolescence of spiritual development the world doesn't necessarily get it and it's not just that they don't get it forget today because we don't want to just blame it's you are going through the process of trying to reconcile these

two worlds you know because you're a part of you starts waking up and the other part doesn't resonate with that it doesn't know how to I mean I'm a mom and I raised my kids one way I can't start being all lofty spiritual they'll make fun of me well I mean I'm a dad who's doing this my own parents will disown me you know it's there's all this stuff in this world you're starting to wake up and that's why I had a title of one of my books you're not going crazy you're

just waking up but you were crazy and when you're trying to make the world get what's happening it will not and that's hard on us you can say the spiritual mean you know the spiritual you is like no I totally get it the mom that gets disowned by her kids because of it the kid that gets owned by his parents because of it that's not easy the humaneness trying to own that holiness man it's contrasted I tried man I tried I mean I'm just a kid but I'm growing and I have consciousness I I'm like does

anybody else have this no and they're you know and I turned out later on that a couple of friends actually we're getting it but they were too intimidated to say anything so they laid low and like Michael do you know do it I don't know what you're talking about but some of them actually got it later on they got it for themselves that they also had thoughts like that so in growing up there's a part of me that tried to be a guy hang out with the guys but my consciousness is like this but I'm trying to pretend it's like this hey

how's it going man just hanging out with the guys but I would be like you know and it just didn't go over well I mean it's like you know one of the store you know when I was a kid in school and in grade school you know the teacher told my parents they're like what's wrong with this kid they're like the teachers like I don't know he he could nail the homework like like it was just he would finish and then he was always the homework with just like his answers he would just always answer

everything first few years of school and then one teacher said one day he just turned the paper over and started drawing and he never did the homework again was it because it was so easy and I just got it and moved on or was it because I was like one of those segways where it's left brain trying to be your left brain world but I'm not and was that part of what happened there so I'm saying to you I mean I tried I tried to to be normal whether it was with intimacy in my life and meeting people you know lovers or girlfriends or

whatever it happened to be in my life I tried those things and it's it's not easy I'm saying to you it's not easy and I know you know that but I would like you to practice accepting it more instead of getting frustrated why don't they get me you don't even get you because you're trying to reconcile that you're a holy being you know it on some level but the world doesn't seem holy and you're trying to make it make sense and instead our job is not to do one or the other our job is to do one in the

other how can I see this differently not how can I make it different I tried to make the world spiritual and safe for my kids and it didn't work out for them by a certain age things happen to them you know and it's like dang missed that one tried to you know just try dating or whatever as a kid I never really went on a date per se in my life but I tried doing something like that as a kid and it never made sense I mean I'm not pretending to be better nor my trying to confess I'm a horrible person I'm only telling you that man it

was hard to go I get this deep spiritual stuff how do you tell that to a girl at 16 and 17 when you're trying to date or hook up or whatever you do as a kid how do you tell it to your parents when you're 10 it doesn't you know so inside my mind I'm like okay I'm going through the motions you know of trying this and do it and you know you fool around with intimacy and you all these things or whatever else we do in life and and I just it never made sense so I would be doing those things but in my mind I

couldn't do them I couldn't do them the way people were doing him and I had an older brother that was telling me how to do these things intimately speaking well here's what you do but how do you communicate what you're doing to her he's like man you're overthinking this you know any one day he goes you know you're the problem with you Michael is you're in touch with your feelings I swear to God I swear to God he said that's me and I'm like so you and I share this there's a

part of us that knows suspect's feels our divinity and a part that doesn't know how to get this other piece to be divine we can you know pretend we're gonna do one thing or another on the pendulum we're gonna try to just well I'm gonna do it by engaging and just being okay with it all it won't work forever because the doings won't fix it then you can say I'm not going to do anything would it be all mystical and rude you try to you know detachment this is not the other too much extreme again

you're not asked to not do anything in this world you're asked to do them differently you're asked because I remember trying this as a kid all that could come to me was praying in the moment that I'm trying to do human-like things that was still hard because nobody taught me what that looks like or what that means you know really I mean this seems weird I'm I'm at a party with guys and hanging out and and they're kind of you know getting a little buzzed or whatever and you know they would always notice you

know Michael why aren't you having a drink you know and so eventually I took a bottle and walked around with it through the whole part they just assumed I kept emptying them and having another one so as long as I walked around with a bottle they didn't question it but I'm saying to you as a kid I still wondered what's wrong with me why can't I just drink like them it didn't you know it just didn't make sense you know they're getting high you know and it feels weird you're you're becoming more

spiritual is gonna feel weird in this world and I'm predicting to you the more because it's gonna start happening more starting this next year it's gonna be another major shift upwards and the more this happens please be aware of what I'm telling you today I'm telling you predicting in advance the more contrast is gonna start happening watch for it and ask the mother to help you birth a new moment I'm not sure how to do this how would you have me do this you're still cooking dinner you're still you know doing

whatever you do but do not be surprised that some things will not make sense I'm telling you that you will not you will not be able to continue settling in relationships or in jobs so that means you're gonna find yourself a bit less active in terms of dating and partnerships there's still some people that are going to be in partnerships that's great but a lot more of us are gonna recognize that you're not in one and you're gonna think we'll someday I'm telling you don't even worry about some

day you're needing to complete the process you're in which is to get comfortable accepting where you are I'm and it doesn't mean to make yourself better you know the reason I'm not dating is because I'm holy and nobody else is if you're really that holy you would be saying I'm so holy I'm asking to see the holiness and everyone else so please don't take it personal if you find yourself not dating lately or for years I'm telling you that even when we dated we weren't doing it right so what you're

doing is you're fasting to try to clean it up a bit and you're going okay so if I fast then I get this one and you're still personalizing it it's it's it's the saying I love you you see like for me if if I'm in the old days going okay I'm gonna try and go out with somebody but guys if your mind is like into love and you understand love and respect partnership intimacy how to be more Tantra core how to be more unconditional or how to be more loving what that does is it tempts people to fall in love

because that feels so unique so the more spiritual you become the more contrasted you become to other people some of them are gonna love you and they loved me some of them are gonna hate you and they hated me because they don't know what the heck you are you feel so loving I have to possess you I have to love you and you go yeah but here's how it's done no that's not how I want it you know do you understand the word devour can I please you know devour just own you and could possess you and and I know

that's caused a lot of hurt a lot of you know challenges in in my relations and in their relations with me because it's so bizarre keep trying to figure it out like in in the human sense with your head it's not going to work you're gonna think you got it right and it's gonna go south again because the human mind cannot figure it out ask spiritually and the more you asked spiritually the more again you start to stand out for me as a kid other other guys I tried hang out I swear I'm not

boasting nor am i putting myself down but I'm saying it was impossible it seemed to not have guys feel threatened and competitive I mean I wouldn't even know people I walk in a room and there's this thing you know that's going on like this whose do you think he is I just walked in the bad thing that I did the most hurtful thing I did to myself is try to figure it out and shift into their way of doing it I did I didn't like lose my mind and like totally become a different person but in a way I just sheltered and

hid back that wasn't the best thing it wasn't authentic okay it wasn't authentic the word authentic comes from like the Latin authentic is it means to write your own story so we have to realize we're writing our own story all the time based on our identity it's not like I have to have an identity then think about it as soon as your identity is established which is every day you take a new inventory of who you believe you are and depending on what the answer was in the middle of the night that's

what your day is gonna look like not just literally each day today's the last nights thoughts could affect me a month from now it's never exactly the next day last night the next day and so on it's my consciousness in general I'm always asking myself Who I am any of us and it's always being reflected in my outer life so the problem is I feel like I Know Who I am even as a kid I'm like there's I feel like I know something great but the kid wasn't taught how to deal with that on

the outside because on the outside even when you walk in a room you are different guys you're like why even if you're just a person who for the first time said I'm going in this to one of 12 steps you're already a threat to the people that aren't gonna do that you're already mirroring to them their shame and they're gonna get some of them are gonna get triggered by you getting on the in the program you think you're better than us and it's the same I walk in a room and guys do you know this you

know grunting you know who's the UH no I'm just like just pee on the pole and mark your territory I'm not like I'm not yet I'm not a threat I'm just walking in family members got weird with me like that you know Pete guys gals I mean it's just people are gonna love the love in you because it's gonna grow and they're gonna try to attach to it or shame you for it people are also going to sense your pro in a process and your instability in your process is also going to be a target for the negative parts of their

ego so be careful don't settle that doesn't mean don't be intimate find a way if you need if you want to affect and find just hug people and even ask you know do you mind and and be able to hold somebody but stay clean with it or else don't do it if you can't do it with God don't do it whatever it is if you can't do it with a sense of you know here's where I'm at in my process I know that I don't need anyone but right now I still would appreciate just a warm hug then ask someone you can trust to do

that and if you can't find anyone just it's accepted it's okay don't shame yourself for it and when it comes to jobs again it could sound like I'm saying don't don't have a job you know because wait for your soul's purpose no no continue doing what you can do to make a living for now but start studying your soul's purpose start researching what is your soul's purpose and let's go there this world I am I'm warning you this world is going to continue to change and it won't make sense more and

more every day it's not gonna make sense because as you grow spiritually the more the other is going to look contrasted and what do I do about that give in and be it do the antithesis of you know hide from it no do it but ask God how to ask the mother to birth a new day mother you know Divine Mother Holy Spirit of God I would like to experience you know closer friendships or whatever and intimate friendship or a better job that your soul's purpose whatever it is let the mother help you navigate that instead of you trying to do it of myself

I am nothing and get that sense of humility and let this greater teacher come through to teach you on that spiritual level but asked her it how to bring this through on all the levels not how to deny the human self how to bring divinity into the human self how to see it differently and like I said I when I look at this in my life I think of it as one of the most challenging things because there was nobody telling me nobody teaching me and I'm just trying to juggle it and damned if you do and damned if you don't if I

if I tried to you know had be in a relationship it's like it's challenging because you're you and I are bringing a different presence than most people and people are gonna love that so they're gonna want to cling to you as a man or a woman and say wow I this is unique yes it is what are you gonna say to them yes yes it is you know in me when someone would would make that a real like oh my god it made me as a kid cuz nobody taught it to me it made me scared because I'm just being this thing that I

feel inside they're wanting to either attack it or own it and I'm like what what's going on I just want to be this and leave it alone I went to a metaphysical University and went to some classes that they had and I stayed there and I loved it because the people and psychics development and all these it was kind of fun but at some point the daughter of the of the owner of the school the whatever you'd call it you know the Dean of this school the dot her daughter you know one day I went there to get a certification for the studies I

had done there and I had to wait for them cuz they're in the back office but the daughter came out and the daughter was like my age and she said so how you doing Michael I said great you know great great she said you know how come how come you're not more honest and I go honest about what well we all know know what that you're gay I am well crap she's a psychic so I'm in trouble like maybe she sees the okay she says yeah we all know and I'm saying like but I'm not Michael Michael

just accept it I'm like but but Michael come on we all know and I'm like okay okay now inside I'm little anxious like what is this what is this and she's like you know cuz we see how you know you you know you kind of don't hit on the girls that attend here and you know you're not kind of and I'm like wow people make up stories about you to justify that you're too nice or you're too clean or whatever it is energetically they'll love you for it some will hate you for it don't

deviate just know your identity and be true to that if you and I and I did as a kid try to navigate that more and I still to this day there's days when I think God it would just be great to just be normal there's a part of me that still does that normal not that I'm better it's normal meaning where there's just there you know people aren't looking and targeting and getting funky you know and and that's my human that's confiding that you know sharing that with you all but it's a bizarre thing because I

wasn't taught it but I learned it and I can tell you about it but I can tell you from a visceral place of having been there the more you continue to grow the more you're going to start experiencing this and I know a lot of you already experienced it and I'm just telling you what it's called and I'm also telling you you can expect more of it it's just it's the way it is here it's gonna be with jobs it's going to be relationships it's going to be in all categories of life even your parenting even your

parenting you know you you have to decide how much to be what you are as opposed to perform show your children that you're really still drown you're not all new-agey or not to you know and her crystals you know you you're gonna get some of that and um and it's it's okay I I didn't push these beliefs at all on my kids but they clearly saw that yeah this is what he's into when they were little and growing up and it takes till now they're in their like mid-30s late 30s and and they're able to

go you know they get it a lot more but I definitely at some point had to learn let them get it I'm just gonna still be myself there's a part when I tried to perform and do certain things to feel acceptable to them and then I realized it doesn't matter to thine own divine self be true not just to thine own self I don't want to be true to my ego self to do to thine own divine self be true it's who you are not because I said so and that's because you want it to be so it's what God says

so let me start owning and wearing more of what God created me to be you know and and you're gonna go through phases and set for nine years ago when I moved here I went through another phase of owning that because I'm in a new place and people are looking and staring and pointing and talking and I had to either run and hide or step into it and by the way I asked you people do you want me to run and hide or do you want me to step into it that's kind of what I said you know I mean I'd rather split you know

there's a lot of weirdness in this town sometimes and I was I was like I could just leave I was quite happy being on tour and the folks said we'd rather you stay and I'm like damn but you're me you understand when you said you wanted me to stay and wear this and dress it into a new level of because I'm teaching the same but it's internally the human being reconciled more properly so am I gonna do this I asked you guys said yes please and I went you're me so you're mirroring to me

I need to accept this task so I'm closing with please remember it's a test that's all it ever is this isn't that others are getting it or not gettin it it's true they're not getting it or they are getting it but that doesn't change that it's your test are you going to be true to yourself that's what's your test so it's not about just putting it on them it's about recognizing wow this is a test can I do this and guys do not shame yourself if you say no you might say I really really

really want to be more spiritual but my kids are 17 I'm gonna give them another year and then maybe they'll move out and then I could if that's what you want to wait for fine if you say I can't do it now my partner would never accept it but I'll be done with them in a few years then wait whatever works for you do not shame yourself do not shame yourself guys whatever you do do not shame yourself instead how can I own this that if this is a test how can I pass this test please take a few centering breaths

Oh shaking off all the stuff of life in the world shaking off the notion of trying to correct the people around us and instead of that we become something I wish my parents my family would have been the Brady Bunch but they were The Addams Family that's okay that's okay let it be a funny sitcom relax it's all okay [Music] anything that didn't make sense than you don't agree with let it pass whatever did make sense it's yours it's not being told to you by a teacher let it be yours I get this I see this

I got it I'm working it let this change your life let your heart be at peace you're not going crazy you're just waking up there's nothing wrong with you there's nothing wrong with you but you are in a challenging scenario of trying to reconcile then on some level you know you're a spiritual being when you try to bring that into your intimacy and it's not accepted it feels yucky when you try to bring it into the workplace and it doesn't work it feels yucky friendships and they might shame or just not get it

sometimes even if somebody just mildly passively just doesn't get it it still can bring up in us shame confusion even when they mean well it can still trigger us be at peace choose and allow yourself to be at peace I'm okay as I am I am loved not because of what I've done on this planet I'm loved because of who I am capital i capital a capital M who I am the job and the pay doesn't determine it being in a partnership or not doesn't determine it I just am already okay okay in the divine sense I am protected

I'm safe my identity is here and it's unscathed it cannot be harmed human self yeah it can but that's only temporary so I'm okay with that I ask you Holy Spirit of God Divine Mother I'm asking you with open heart and mind even if I've ever been afraid or intimidated or ignorant of this I get it now pour into my being and guide me into my walk of life there will be rocks to the left rocks to the left and to the right there will be pitfalls there'll be moments of mud and rut to get stuck it it'll rain it'll

shine be with me in the walk and I won't care because of Who I am what did I hear today that I need to do better at identifying with my true self that's all I have a choice and I can choose the divine not just a better self lower S lowercase s but the true self uppercase T uppercase s and that's what I'm choosing today and if I got this even in the romantic sense I could manifest it as follows I'm determined to know this when I say I love you to someone even to myself I know humans do that I love you and it's

wrong but instead I love you means the god I am loves you and it changes and then the human self goes but if I say that to more than one person does that mean I'm in love with more than what does that mean I'm intimate with Martin oh I am loves you is unconditional for everyone which one I would choose to live with play with and so on is choice don't let the head mess with it I am loves you and whether you know it or not the IM in you loves me that's what we're saying to all people thank god i am that i am and

in closing something i wrote to stay with this insight for a moment eyes closed something i wrote for the new year it sort of coined off other things that people have written from other belief systems and i wrote this [Music] greetings and welcome to angel air flight 2020 we are preparing and prepared to take off into the new year so fasten your seat belts please make sure your attitudes and beliefs are secured in an upright position all former patterns and self-destructive thoughts are to be turned off at this

time all negativity and judgment must be stowed away and no excess baggage is allowed on this flight this is a non addiction flight and there's no tampering allowed with denial alarms if you're seated next to an emergency exit it means you might be called on as a light worker so be careful to read your miracles manual if you do not wish to perform the miracles necessary during an emergency please please ask your guides to put you on a different flight should we encounter turbulence or dramatic loss of altitude during any part of this

flight please reach up and pull down some guidance and inspiration and remember to secure your own before meddling with someone else's inspiration and guidance will automatically be activated through prayer and faith once you own your your own faith is activated you that may then assist others with theirs the captain has cleared us for takeoff and all systems are go our destination is oneness enjoy your flight and so it is thank you