How to Prevent Self-Sabotage

Today we're going to talk about something that one of you requested, and that is self-sabotage. All about self-sabotage or how to prevent self-sabotage, things along those lines. You know, it's a it's actually a really good topic because it's something that I think people underestimate.

We don't realize we we we get caught up in talking a lot of times about what people have done to us or healing what has happened in our lives, we don't as often talk about our own self abuses. And there's all kinds. I mean, we could talk about self abuse, meaning how was it ever a good idea to date some of the people we've dated. Think about it.

Who you've dated and how some of them were not a good idea, then that's self sabotage. You might have even had a relationship or a marriage and you said, "You know, that was a not so good of a thing and I've really got to change my life," and then you went out and still did things and dated people that were not in your best interest.

They were not congruent with your higher good. How was that a good idea? And is that their fault? Here we are again. It's self-sabotage. We have a a very hidden dislike for ourselves, unbeknownst to most people. And most people that would say, "Well, I don't have such a thing." I'm not asking you to overly beat up on yourselves, of course, but it's almost better to just be honest and say it's a possibility that there are some things of myself that I don't like than it is to try to be all, "Oh, I love myself and I have

little cards and my mirrors, I love myself and I speak about how much I love and appreciate every part of my body." Those are neat things and your life coaches help you with that and counselors will help you, because it's good to have self love, self worth and self love, but not at the expense of pretending that some of the other things aren't there.

Other things like I do all the self love stuff but what good does it do me if I go to my counselor they're teaching me this, encouraging me to make affirmations of self love and then I date someone that that's just... "Oh well, I was lonely, or oh I was thinking that would be wonderful for intimacy or whatever else you know. The counselor shouldn't just let that go.

They should call you on it and I know many do but they should call you on it to the point where where maybe if you do it too often they should say I don't think I'm your best counselor because my goal and you're hiring me by the way to keep this from happening and that is my goal but it's not stopping you're still sabotaging your life and I really don't want to be part of that I'm not saying they should do that to be rude they're saying it as sort of a tough love to say

you might want to look at this and get a different counselor who will help you maybe one that's more firm or stronger about taking you in that direction but it does take a lot it takes a lot for us to look at when you know something is going wrong we try to ignore it we try to minimize things that don't feel quite right and all of that is self-sabotage you know and I think it's one of the worst acts that we can commit because self-sabotage means that no matter even if I have people in my life that are nice and trying to you know move me

along in the right direction as friends or partners or employees or employers or whatever they are self-sabotage means that we're going to find a way to behind the scenes behind the curtains mess things up somehow now sometimes it's very obvious so there's really two types of two ways we apply self-sabotage obvious and not so obvious and the obvious you know fair enough I mean it's obvious so you we should be able to see that and you should be able to call yourself on it really they're not so obvious those are the ones that are hard

because the reason they're not obvious is not because we're incapable of seeing them they're not obvious because we actually smokescreen them those are the ones we don't want to admit that we're doing or participating in those are the ones we want to whitewash and just you know geologists a victim or I don't know how this happened or whatever but when we do a lot of self inventory we're gonna realize how I might have played a part in this you know when you look at doing 12-step work you know there are some steps involved with

really encouraging us to look at how we might have played a role how how was I self serving in this situation now of course most people do not want to believe they're ever self serving especially when we're just such innocent victims but when you really apply your imagination if you try to apply your your head your ego is gonna try to protect you when you apply your imagination higher mind by the way your imagination when you apply your imagination and you say I can't see you logically how I might have

played a part in sabotaging this I would have never ever wanted a partner that was gonna be engaging in addictions let's say behind my back you know a gambling or something like that I would have never wanted to do this so that could not involve me you got to stop and go okay but if I were if I were imagining if I were in any way a part of this what might it have been the heads gonna say nothing it had nothing to do I didn't even know about it it was them we heard that already now try another game let's play imagination how might

you have been a part of that and you kind of go well okay let's see if I had a partner and they were engaging in addictions and I didn't know like gambling or whatever and I didn't know how might that have been self-serving well which part them doing it or my not knowing let's start with your not knowing how might your not knowing been self-serving because psychically you did know you did on some unconscious thought you probably had dreams that we're trying to tell you and you don't remember your dreams

why did you self-sabotage why did you do it and you might say because if I would have known I would have been called to do something about it and I'm too scared very good that hurts man cry you could be mad about it sad about it get that emotion out just go ahead and be honest about it but at least now we know why you did it and there's less likelihood that you'll do it again if you apply this this recognition kind of technique so you know it's there's a point where we have to say you know we have to be honest with ourselves and you

know just a willingness to say I'm not I'm just no longer willing to let stuff slip by or sneak by and you know what there's another word for that it's called being conscious in your life being a conscious participant it's kind of cool if you think about it well then what was I before well it's very simple you were unconscious in more ways than one unconscious meaning unknowing but unconscious meaning spiritually it's called being asleep or unconscious you know it's like being in a trance and the

trance is not always imposed by other people or self-induced trances it's you know we allow our hurts and angers to remain greater than our desire to heal think about it this is why Course in Miracles says you have to know your pain tolerance he says you really have to learn this concept pain tolerance meaning at some point everybody gets fed up with whatever's happening including self-sabotage so when your desire to heal is greater than your desire to hide then you'll be willing to look at

self-sabotage however when your desire to hide is greater than your desire to heal you'll probably still be engaging in self-sabotage and by the way again self-sabotage is not just I mean that's where we take our stuff out on ourselves why okay various reasons I'm angry at myself I'm I'm sad I'm fed up all these things will start making me take stuff out of myself in other words it's like self-sabotage is like where we have played judge and jury on ourselves and are punishing ourselves and you know that makes a very obvious sad kind of a

scenario but that's when it's or when when we're aware of it remember how more more often than not we're not even aware that it's happening so our at tempt to judge and jury ourselves is even worse because we're not just judge and jury which is like gosh I'm kind of hard on myself like perfection isms and being hard on ourselves man that beats us up that's very hard very heavy handedness on ourselves but I'm saying that the covert stuff is even worse because the covert stuff means things like I know people you know who sabotage

their finances if me probably all of us at one time or another and here's what I mean I don't just mean I'm not earning enough money I'm talking about look at the times when when we say I'm gonna start practicing prosperity I'm gonna look at where I can cut back on a couple bills so you go out there and you you find you can you can save 100 bucks a month on a bill let's just say that for example great now you will have a hundred dollars more a month right it should be that's the math logic one hundred

dollars saved $100 earned that's now gonna be in your savings right oh no no because it'll just happen to you know be that a bird flies into your window of your house and your house is a hundred dollars that month next month you need your tires rotated undred dollars next month you need oil changes a hundred dollars it's it's like somehow the money's gonna find another outlet now the good news is at least you had the money to take care of those things but I'm saying that people when they find that they have more of something that

should be good it ends up disappearing so be willing to ask yourself does that happen to you you know and and money is a good one to use for that that example it's a real it trust me just it's it's one of the better simpler wants to practice that with when I seem to be able to create something good why does it somehow disappear whatever that thing is and I think it's easier to look at it on a financial level than on a dating level because it's a little more objective because it's just numbers but think

about that you know in in any way that that works there's also sabotage when it comes to healing now you might want a journal around this because you may not remember you know all of the circumstances in your life but there are times when you or I might have gone to say a chiropractor and you go wow you know maybe maybe you were afraid first of all to go to the chiropractor or nature path or acupuncture whatever it might have intimidated you or whatever let's say you had some sort of apprehension so now you actually go but then afterwards you tell somebody oh I

went to a acupuncturist today Oh who'd you see I saw you know dr. Joe and they say oh I've heard bad things about them see cuz you already had apprehension now you're looking for evidence to confirm your doubts about going or that doctor or whatever it was you're trying to sabotage so you have created evidence to substantiate your own issue that's you know that's not only sad because that person might have been good for you but even if you're just using them this story that corroborating story from your friend you know to support judgments

that's not even a good thing to be doing anyway so there's other examples of that but you know you go to a healer I've had this happen with people they come to me and they've had amazing healings the miraculous they're like oh my god oh my god oh my god this is amazing and then they go to a family member and the family members wow you know you're glowing what what's happened for you oh I went to this healer what what do you mean healer yeah this guy a lot of people say he's a spiritual healer and he did some counseling with me and some

energy work and oh my god I felt instantly healed and then I I mean it this has happened a lot family members go oh now wait a minute that's not our religion that's of the devil or oh that stuff that's all bogus I'm a I'm you know I'm a doctor I know better than that I could tell you it's all bogus none of that's real they plant seeds of doubt the client then later tells me I was doing so well and then this these people filled my head with garbage and then it started shifting my old patterns started coming back that's

right self-sabotage well is it self-sabotage when the other people are the ones that plant that stuff yeah you know they're contributing but it's still self-sabotage because you listen to them remember that when someone downloads negative stuff like gossip or whatever to us first of all we have to choose and we have to take responsibility are we going to listen to it or not secondly are we going to believe it once we heard it that's a choice then third are we going to take that we believed it and

pass it on and make it even worse so we have we have choices in the matter and we have to take responsibility for those choices so just keep that in mind but it's still self-sabotage so think about this if you don't mind why is it that sometimes Jesus actually told people that he healed do not tell anyone about this think about this why did Jesus sometimes say and do not tell anyone and I've heard you know that brought up rarely but it's brought up once in a while a minister a rat you know somebody out there a minister or a

pastor or something like that you know and they'll theorize they think it was because of this or that one of the main reasons is because he's telling them you've been healed now if you go and tell other people about it they're gonna try and talk you out of your experience your goodness and if they do heaven help both of you the person by the way who talks you out of your your healing experience you know those are the kinds of things where Jesus says man people like that are better off tying a rope around their necks and the other end of

the rope to Iraq and throwing themselves off a bridge he's not trying to be harsh as it much as it sounds he's saying the guilt the Karma of someone's screwing up someone else's achievement someone else is getting closer to God like through healing and someone goes in and destroys it with some garbage and I've heard garbage about everybody Oh Mike you can look it up on the internet I'm sure you know I wouldn't bother I just don't even feed this kind of stuff if you can avoid it but if you insist on sabotaging yourself and looking up for

looking up garbage on the Internet to feed your head with more garbage that's self sabotage but if you insist on doing that you could but you know you could look up the Pope Buddha I mean there's every one of them has a one of those extra pages that say this person's of the devil or their you know whatever I've heard people diss me I've heard people diss the healer John of God you know he's an amazing healer I mean it's a really beautiful energy good healer and I've heard people diss him it can't be real it's a sleight-of-hand you know

go there if you get a physician you know get a physician if you know one talked them into going to Abaddon Brazil and his to his healing center he'll let you stand there this close to his cutting open somebody when he does he doesn't always cut people he usually does spiritual healings instead but when he's cutting you can get this close if you want take photos take movies let your doctor friends go because he's open to you trying to challenge it it's all real no anesthetics yet no pain are very little if at all and no infections you

know no no evidence in in 30-something years I think it's been by now of infections it's you know it's incredible and it's of God and it's beautiful but that's an example where still somebody on the internet they'll say oh did you hear I heard I heard you know it's always I heard from a friend of a friend of a friend that such and such happened and and it's weird because there's other people that'll read those and go oh you're kidding I should have known I bet

now they'll pass it on that is evil and I don't even have another word I'm going to use for it it's evil it's evil incarnate it's evil manifested its evil in in words it's evil because it's hatred and you're not being responsible for your hatred so you are creating sabotage and underneath that one little act of evil it connects to all the other evils where the ego of this world the the archetype ego / evil of this world the bottom line is it has a goal and it is this it wants you to feel hopeless it wants you to have no

hope in anything find fault in everyone so that you don't have hope in anyone so that you are hopeless which means you are the living dead that's what it's trying to do have hope in nobody and that's why one of the best ways to prevent self-sabotage is this watch for that that tendency to look for faults so that you have nothing left to believe in it's really not easy man it's really not easy to catch ourselves all the time but it can be done watch for it and you'll see you'll see people in your life that are trying to find fault with you so

that they don't have hope in you like let's say you're a speech therapist let's say you're a physical therapist let's say whatever you do someone out there is gonna wonder they're you know they're gonna plan a seat two two friends of yours they can't be that good they can't Oh physical therapist oh you know what happened I had an uncle that went to a physical therapist once and they hurt him you know somebody's always got a story for getting the other 99 stories in comparison or 999 stories to the positive the positives are not

always passed around but one negative man negatives they say enter the mind and they stick like it's Velcro positive thoughts and experiences according to the brains response the brain responds to positive experiences like Teflon they come in and slip through like they're nothing it's really strange but yet negative stick and we all know that because you know you might have had you know several positive experiences and they don't seem to have quite the impact of a really harsh negative one that's just that's the way the brain is wired

but not by God it's the way it's wired by our ego and as we heal we replace the old wiring with new ways with with new styles that come from God which are positive start to be treated as velcro and stick maybe all were interested in negatives become teflon and just slip on through you know when I was saying like you know ways of dealing with one of the best things to do is you know to prevent self-sabotage is instead of going oh oh there's that one negative story about that person so they're bad try this instead

first of all grow up spiritually and try something else instead of going with the masses you know don't be a sheep and just follow along don't be a lemming and just jump off the cliff with everybody stop and say wait a minute technically we all could find disagreements of some kind or another with each other I mean I could tell you I don't agree with everything Jesus did in history you know in his life in history right IGI might have suggested this or that based on what we hear he said I mean we could do it even with

Jesus we could do it with anyone any of us could we could question the way an angel brought a message to a person who that was a little harsh or it was we could all question each other on anything so here's what you can do allow a certain percentage of acceptable flaws and let him go instead of oh oh there's a flaw and fanning it into a flame that's you know bigger than the spark that it was Fanning it into a flame and going off that's it throw them out stop it and just say wait a second it's kind of cool you'll you'll

find this to be really effective and helpful in so many ways acceptable flaws acceptable issues you know so it's like I love a certain actor they did 10 movies one of amended I didn't like acceptable that's the acceptable percentage a band has an album they have 15 songs on the album one or two I didn't like that's an acceptable percentage of difference see just let it be but if I start finding that a partner or a favorite band or a favorite actor or whatever you know everybody's into a favorite author

whatever it happens to be if I start finding that half of your behaviors as my partner half of the books you write are not quite you know I don't quite get it or get into them I that's no longer that that percentage that's kind of acceptable now and I'm not saying we have to be mean or judge I'm saying now I could say no you know that author doesn't work for me so much because it's you know a large percentage I think that we all could look at where that we cross the line but but gosh you know allow 10%

allow 20% you might allow 30% but at that point I think it starts to really shift from acceptable percentage it's kind of like the same as me saying on a 0 to 10 scale when something drops below a 7 you know at 10 and 9 and 8 a 7 when it starts hitting there be concerned when your relationship or job or whatever hits a 6 of 5 and further down the scale it's kind of like that for me if something's you know is something's off 10 or 20% that's about it for me not that I'm gonna throw somebody out when they're 25% I'm gonna say I'm gonna

start changing something and this is more advice to deal with self-sabotage instead of watching for a flaw Fanning it into a flame and ruining that that was a good friend or a partner a job and you didn't need to toss it out it was only 10 or 20 percent of a problem you sabotage yourself today by being a bit rash or reactive try this try working on the issue it's dropping down the scale or the percentage of you know acceptable is getting higher stop and change what you can before you accept what you can't change which means I'll accept that this

is kind of going south it's not working for me and that's okay but have you done anything to change it you might be sabotaging something in your life if you've not made any attempt to fix it and instead just let it die you you you know we all have to kind of be aware of that if you're gonna deal with self-sabotage I would recommend to look at your fears of the unknown if you're in a situation in your life always take time to stop and say is there anything about this there could be a

fear of the unknown such as when you're starting to you know well I was thinking of going to a workshop Michael's doing a workshop thinking of going to a workshop oh wait um oh the flights went up last night there 20 more dollars oh I don't think I'll go I guess it wasn't meant to be that's just let's just lame it has nothing to do with meant to be you're trying to sabotage you're going to a workshop to get some changes in your life so at least ask yourself but what am I afraid of

is it I'm afraid of the unknown because I've never gone to a workshop is it fear of this is a healing workshop and I'm probably gonna have to look at stuff it's understandable to be afraid do I want that to control my life if I do just own it no problem but it's called self-sabotage and just pin it up somewhere just like you do that I am wonderful and I'm happy and go-lucky you know you pin those up go ahead and pin up and I tend to self-sabotage I mean don't hide from it at least own that you did it and then take some time

because self-healing is a part of dealing with self-sabotage if you're on the path of self-healing you're gonna exponentially you're going to immediately take a chunk out of self-sabotage because when you're in your 12-step work or you're in yourself healing work that's requiring that you look at yourself and that tends to you know keep you from kind of steering off too far into lala land so you know just be thinking in terms of are there fears of the unknown is it I don't want to heal I don't know am I afraid of having

to heal old patterns because I would recommend get on the healing path stay on the healing path make it a part of your life and lifestyle I don't mean just you know what you eat I'm talking about your maintenance program your psychological maintenance program so you know do consider that it's kind of an interesting thing I'll just share a couple of quick stories or examples but in my own life when when I've seen friends let's say because it happens with everybody every in relationship even a relationship with

your car or your animal all relationships tend to go through three stages remember one stage is the honeymoon stage where everything seems peachy other than for people you just immediately don't like they just go right to stage two but stage one is like a honeymoon stage Stage two is you're starting to find fault okay and that's where usually we fall apart but for the brave of heart man there's a stage called stage three waiting for us if we're willing to take responsibility look at our part heal our stuff and

shift into a state of forgiveness with that person so that we enter stage three it doesn't mean we have to move in with him or or hang out with him just that there's a I get what I was doing I was finding fault I'm willing to say sorry in my mind towards that person into myself release that and wish them well spiritually then I've countered that tendency toward self-sabotage but you know in in my life when I've seen friends you know it's like this it's like Jesus when he saw Judas was doing the game he saw Judas was starting to

hmm you know this Jesus thing might not work out you know but I think if we can kind of push him in front of the the Sanhedrin he can argue his case and if he can convince them that he's wonderful heck we're all gonna be living high on the hog man cuz we'll start becoming a nation and and and kicked Rome out of our town that land and so on so Judas starts getting in his head into that going into that trip self-sabotage and you know but he's pretending like everything's just peachy just like you and I we have friends and they they

start judging they start gossiping about us and they just want to act like everything's peachy well if you're sensitive you start catching on and I'm sensitive enough to know these things typically I don't want to always know all of it but I pick up typically those things and Jesus picked it up well how did he handle it do you know what he told Judas go do it get it over with you're gonna do it anyway so just go do it that's what he says go read your Bible man he says you know that thing you're gonna do go do it get it done

quickly like come on dude let's not play games is what he's saying just get on it this is where you're going and and Jesus is saying in effect I'm gonna use this for my own goals - how is this self-serving because I can I'm going to use this to let myself be taken with no sin or flaw and you're gonna kill me because it's gonna free the world for you you know all beings but without getting into that my point is that when he saw Judas was gonna do this he just said you know go ahead man just get it over with he you

know it's it's it's kind of like you're you're going to the edge anyway let me just help you you know and push you over the edge now most of us would rather beg them not to turn on us we would do any that will bargain with them oh oh I'm sorry did I do something I'm so sorry you know let me let me try to fix this jesus said and I believe it too I practice it to just bring things to the light if a person starting to dis you or turn on you or gossip or you know about you I don't care who they are business associates partner anybody you just call

it hey what's going on and there are times I just go I'm just gonna help you you're going up to the edge anyway let me just give you a little nudge you know I would rather start it with let's be honest let's be loving and try to clear this but I'm gonna tell you probably four out of five people that are starting to do this to you I would probably say four or five could be three out of five sometimes but as many as four out of five do not want to come back to sanity they're determined and once they're determined you're only

going to hurt you and them to keep trying to beg them to not go through with it you know when you see that they're you know they're losing it it's better to just resign from that and say you know Judas just go and do what you're gonna do oh I'm I wasn't gonna do that or they'll say oh I was just a little mad because you were doing this but if you just make up for you now that then I promise I'll be nice again I would often say okay let's try it again but I'll watch because usually when they're once they start to

lose their mind man once the ego has you know bit them on the neck they're vampires you know and I'm not trying to make them into bad I'm saying they're doing what they want to do all I'm suggesting is that you not play into it those people are sabotaging something no no let me add a little footnote if you've been rude or a jerk or mean you know in some way if you've harmed people overtly especially then them talking about you isn't like they're gossiping or doing something wrong they're trying to survive with the fact that you you

might be overtly hurtful to them if you stole from them or you know did something I'm not saying that they're doing something wrong by talking about it they're trying to sort it out I'm talking about when people when you're trying to bring something good into people's lives and they're still gonna find fault or flaw with you you know I try to do it the nice way try to be honest I suggest you do the same try to encourage honesty and communication try to encourage you know responsibility and let's can we work this out but watch

because usually on the face yes let's work this out but behind there is not any intention or actions to that effect instead what they often start to do is just go right back into whatever they were doing you know kind of like once bitten they're there they're done it's not you know it's not easy to to kind of it takes like kind of a lot of strength and courage because most of us are so weak we don't want them to turn on us so we beg borrow steal to get them to not do that and I'm saying you're harming yourself first of all you're in

denial second of all you're harming yourself because your bar your your bargaining to try to keep something intact that isn't intact third you're enabling their strength their egos strength because they're trying to turn on you and you're trying to beg them not to which means they're going hot gotcha you know I can control you and and I'm not saying again I'm not saying throw them over the cliff don't be too rash or whatever try communication try loving and so on but once if you're a healer and people you

know somebody's causing people to doubt you or some client of yours is doubting you you might not keep them keep them on a good counselor knows when the client starts doing that they start exhibiting signs of an unhealthy client almost like a client that's struggling with certain personality disorders and they tend to cut them loose because they realize I'm screwed here I'm gonna sink with you if I continue to have you as my client one day you love me the next day you hate me you know this is just not a good idea so

I mend that we do things like help them snap out of it if you can you know just just do something to help bring them out of that part of their minds if you can tell them you're on to them tell you know tactfully tell them you're on to them tell them look it seems like you know you don't even have to let them know how much you're onto them but you can say it just seems like you've not been happy with me and so on and so on and you know oh no I'm fine but you have to you know you have to carry a little further sometimes um I

just to share a personal example though I remember an example where somebody I was involved with there was somebody I was involved with and somebody else entered our life they entered peripherally and they kind of came in wanted to be more involved with with my life and hang around me or whatever but when I saw them I knew I thought oh man this is the person they're gonna make a move on the person I'm involved with now the other person I tried to warn them watch out you know be oh no no that's silly that's no no no way at all and I'm

like okay watch out you know and then it continued a little further a little further and I'm like hey watch out no no problem they were totally in denial now they were in denial at first maybe because they didn't believe it so that's innocent enough but after a while they started responding and getting more involved so now when they're denying it they're denying it you know and I'm always on tour in those days so I mean it wasn't gonna be easy for me to maintain a relationship anyway because I was always on tour anyway but I saw it

and called it and it was denied and denied and denied and finally finally I just said okay look here's what's happened it this has already happened you guys have already gotten involved you guys have already done this that and the other ABC and I just called it for what it was the denials continued for a little while longer than one day it was admitted and that was kind of the beginning of the end you know of that relationship for me the one I was in and not with hatred and all that it was still loving

and forgiving you know trying to hang in there and and work the pieces out because I think it's nice for us to do that but my point and the moral of this story the context was that when I saw it I just called it now here's another example of this that might be a little weird or a little personal but I remember when I was in my 20s maybe late twenties early thirties somewhere in there I was speaking at a conference I was already you know doing that work all those years ago and I was speaking at a conference and I was at a hotel and I

had a room there to spend the night and then speak the next day and all that that's kind of typical for conference for the speakers and there were a few friends of mine that came and stayed Oh either state or showed up the next day when I spoke in any case one of them was a little bit scared that another one of my friends was getting more of my time and maybe intimate time with me and they were getting kind of jealous and hurt and concerned and all that and I could just tell but they would say oh no no I'm fine I trust you you know

everybody's fine but I could just tell this was building so when this finally happened at this at this conference this person I had the feeling I just intuited this is this is happening this is gonna blow up soon so I made my room where I was staying I made my room look there's things I did to to to make the scene the crime scene looked like I was in fact involved with somebody and and spent time with them I won't say the things I did but I did and made it look this way and lo and behold were in the conference speaking and the other person that was

suspicious and afraid said oh I have to go get to do some things and get cleaned up mind if I go to your room so inside I'm like sure I knew where it was going they went to the room when they were gone just so I had you know proof I told another one of our friends here's what I did they're like you're kidding why would you do that no they're not gonna I said yeah watch they came back they were all ashen white man you know poor thing you know just like they just ashen what like oh my god I now have

evidence that everything is happening and I'm not the lucky one and I'm not the one that's involved I'm not the one that gets to be this and that hey whatever you know jealousies and all that kind of thing and that was kind of the end of the relationship and you may or may not agree with the methodology all I know is I'm saying for me it's like Judas let's just get it over with and it's kind of a bummer I remember um I remember a gentleman because males a lot of times get competitive with other males and so you know there were some

males that were kind of competitive especially if their wives or girlfriends come to workshops they want they don't like him going you know to listen to another guy teach so one guy was really losing it man he was getting jealous and ticked off and irritable and he blew up or something I can't remember the details but he blew up and everybody kind of saw what it was about so he caught himself to his credit he caught himself and he came to me he sat with me and he said you know I just want to apologize I I think I was just caught in

jealousy and it was really beautiful that he caught himself and he said and I want to apologize and I'd like your forgiveness and I said absolutely thank you for catching it thank you for apologizing I get it but I did say to him however I need you to know that once you've been bitten by this or the ego attack you know you're you've increased exponentially your odds of another bout of this so I said even though right now you're recovering each time you recover from this kind of ego virus it gets you it recurs more frequently or more likely

recurs so I said you're gonna have to really watch yourself because the odds are already large let's pretend it's you know 80% that they're gonna go there again once you've allowed your ego to plant itself it's you know like weeds you just throw some weed seeds down where they weren't and now you're gonna be fighting something almost every year guaranteed because they're they're just now going to take off so it's like that once the weeds get in the mind man it's hard to get them out and they can only

be taken out with when we decide I want to heal more than I want this you know to deny this I'd rather have some healing than just playing this game so it takes tenacity but but let's look at it this way treat self-sabotage like any other addiction and you will increase exponentially and tremendously you will increase your ability to then deal with it to eliminate it or resolve it or lessen it treat it like an addiction where you have to call on God's help where you have to look at your own agendas your own lack of tenacity around

these kinds of things self-serving and all that and what you can do about it because it's gonna happen you know it happens to me and in in you think you know maybe people are always nice and loving and whatever no instead you know you get to be a target when you're in this role and a target of all kinds of things people I've never even met still form opinions they're not gonna come out of that anytime soon you know and I've had people say to me listen Michael um you know a friend of mine they they didn't meet you but they didn't they

disliked you because they did they heard you to speak about this or that you don't speak about that so they had all these already opinions of you but I've talked them down so it can they come to your workshop I'm like they don't realize man if they're well intended I talked him down I I made my mother-in-law like you and you know because she's a certain religion and she didn't like your your beliefs but they want to know they're open to coming to a workshop it's not a good idea I tell them don't talk people into liking me

and I'm saying the same to you when you or your friends have to talk other people into liking you it means that they just simply got a little bit of the shovel in the dirt a little but it's still hard dirt and it's gonna be hard work to convince them otherwise I'm not saying it's always worthless or fruitless because if you can and I have turned people around to where they go you know I'm really grateful that my judgments were wrong I mean it's so beautiful it may be the best compliment I could ever receive is

that somebody was that was flipping out catches themselves and bounces back not because it's me but because they've done that whether they've done it with God or Jesus or me or their best friends or their partners it's always a good thing when someone bounces back but the context of today is self-sabotage and I'm saying in the context of self-sabotage it's a very rare thing that people will bounce back it's just there's such a penchant for you know staying in this in this dark place because it's it makes us feel validated

if we have a little slip and a judgment and then some evidence enters and drops on the table before us we love to go so I wasn't being judgmental I was just correct that this person was messed up or bad see it just all it does is we're looking for validation but validation of what you know validation of ego opinions or judgments why would we even want validation of that it we're already wrong if we're in our ego judgements so just something to consider all right so remember there's the you know conscious and unconsciousness of

self-sabotage there's reasons why we sabotage ourselves we're control freaks or we're you know we're wanting to be in denial or we're so angry and hurt about something we got to take it out on somebody we find somebody and just start throwing darts at them so there's all that makeup and then dealing with it like I said look at some of the techniques I shared about that acceptable flaws so that you're not you know you're sort of preventing yourself from throwing it all out and saying wait a minute I can breathe I can actually

let that person rest with under the category of acceptable issues you know may sound strange but it works it's beautiful too because it allows a little more room and then like I said if you see suspect self sabotage from people like people that are sabotaging themselves around you sabotaging their relationship with you sometimes guys I just advise just help it out you know first try to bring peace love communication but when they don't want the peace love communication sometimes it's it better to just go look

this is kind of the way it looks and let it go you might or might not feel confident enough to push it a little over the edge I think it takes a certain kind of a person to be able to do that because you have to be able to take responsibility if you push them too hard or if you push them you know and then the thoughts of gosh maybe they weren't really having a hard time and I added this into their head or you know maybe I'm too cold about this because it could look cold when Jesus says Judas go and do what you're gonna do why didn't he

talk him out of it guys this is Jesus he's a good talker he could have said Judas don't you love me love is the meaning of life just touch my hand you'll feel a vibration at a frequency of love Judas look at the healing we're doing and he might have been able to wear him down is he go down and make him acknowledge love you know the love but Judas he knew was already set on doing what he wanted to do and I'm only saying that that little push is only to be applied when you know somebody is going there anyway it sounds so strange for me

to even tell you that but it's something I know happens I'm not saying you should all be soldiers of this and go out and start tossing everybody over the cliff at all I'm not saying that at all I'm saying just be aware to know the difference between the things you can change and the things that you know have the wisdom to know the things you can't change and not change the wisdom to know the difference because you're harming yourself and sabotaging yourself when you enable the friends that are already sabotaging themselves all right so I

pray that this has made sense I pray that this could be applied in your lives as easily or as well as it has in mind hope you understand the examples I shared in my life my own stories because they're a little strange and looking back I mean if I had old friends watching this maybe even from high school there's times I probably did it because I could see something was happening so I just I just put a little test to it a little test to see if you know you know a friend let's say tells me there's another friend and

they're really bad talking you or whatever as an example you you know you kind of put it to the test to see if that's really what they're doing I remember a gentleman that was accused of stealing he was in a business and so there was one person in in sort of trying to play these two sides saying that that person's stealing money when it was in fact them so what they did was they came up with a plot and they said we're gonna have the person the person is being accused we're gonna have them take a case of money from point A to

point B and we're going to actually watch them to see if they take anything and so this person takes it to this group where the person who was gossiping took received the money and then the money disappeared somebody had already double counted it and they had surveillance so they know person a that was being accused didn't do it but the person that was accusing was the one that was actually doing it so what they did is they just they just put it to the test to see you know is it really this person is this really happening and they

found out here's what's really happening so it's kind of like saying we now can make informed decisions guys I mean though it's nice to just be clear Judis whatever you're gonna do just do it let's be clear about this look about how look at how he handles Peter you know Peter you're gonna deny me oh no I would never do that guys look what he does he doesn't say oh thank God I thought for a moment there you might he's like dude you're gonna do it I would never I've had friends say that you know I hey man we're like this I

would never the gal friends guy friends were you know we're tight man we're I could never and I think that maybe they did their best to hang in there as long as they could but the temptation is just too strong and so when the temptation comes and I see it but they're not doing it they're not they're not owning it yeah sometimes I have I have helped it along a little bit I'll do something that that I'll know that they'll know and let them question it and see if they'll come to me because if they would it'd be kind of cool like

I did that one gal you know she eventually outed it like well I just happened happened to notice some things in in your room I wasn't looking oh no not you I just happen to find him and I said don't worry about it I already told other people this was gonna happen see if I wouldn't have told others it would have looked like I got caught and it was there her word against mine it was kind of cool because I'd already told other people so it was kind of you know it was staged and it's a bummer but the friendships changed at

that point again that was back in my I think late 20s early 30s I just like and prefer that we have a consciousness and awareness of things as best we can and again it'll clean up your relationships with others who might be sabotaging their lives just do it guys if you're a therapist if you're a friend whatever you are just you know whatever you are just call things just try kind of be a little a little edgy and you know challenge things hey you know I'm just feeling like this is where this is going is this right

oh no no no never you know are you back to gambling are you back to drinking are you but oh no no no never you know instead you might say I I found something you know whatever the addiction might be related to or somebody said they saw you if you knew that they were going to the track you know somebody said they saw you at the track just in the last several weeks and they're pretty sure it was you now you can't do this if you're not pretty clear about it but imagine what happens because what you're doing is you're

putting it to the test and they say you know yeah you know yeah I did that's just another kind of an example I certainly am not telling you to walk around paranoid and doing surveillance on people I'm not into that at all I'm just saying use examples and using examples of calling something when it seems like that's the situation especially when it comes in the context again I'm closing here self-sabotage when you think you're self sabotaging ask yourself some really brilliant honest questions is this just a

acceptable percentage am I just afraid of the unknown ask yourself some good questions and you might be able to maneuver out of it you know tell you know tell spin or nosedive but when other friends are doing it are you going to be courageous enough to be able to say hey look it kind of seems like you're going this direction am i right you know like to your partner if we haven't been intimate in months or years and it looks like it don't you think and they might say oh no no no there you go so somebody's not clear yet and you

might say well why don't we consider calling it livens instead of partners you know do something to move the energy change what you can and accept what you can't and again have the wisdom to know the difference so I pray this has made good sense and thank you so much for your patience and your time and joining us