Exploring True Intimacy and Sexuality Intro

so where's it getting rolling on another free talk a free lecture today's free talk is about you know basically exploring true intimacy sexuality and relationships now we've done talks on each of those topics we've done a full class on each of those and this is sort of a free intro to a class that covers all of them so the class is going to be an overview of those topics but not an overview review of what we talked about in each of those classes a little bit perhaps but really we want this to be in itself

a great course for a few weeks studying some of the pieces we couldn't get to in each of those courses so it's really a more advanced or extended class on that tonight an intro but when I do intros it's not usually done like you know if you sign up you know here's what you might gain I like you know it's kind of strange the way I do things because it's probably not exactly the the norm for promoting classes if you do a complete class in itself but that's what I like to do so I want the free intro to be in

itself informative I want you to leave with something and yes yes if you sign up it's going to be wonderful and all that good stuff so that's my ad right there okay but but I want us to cover a lot of good territory tonight all right so to begin with let's start with relationships and sort of move forward into the intimacy and further and further you know it's the it's a funny thing because relationships are a challenged topic therefore how could intimacy not be a challenge topic and therefore how could

sexuality not be a challenge topic if people can't get relationships quite right then you know the others are going to be challenged but you know in all honesty you know human beings they're not going to be able to find fulfilling relationships intimacy and so on and you don't have to have partners to you know hear this talk but human beings you know I've said so often relationships first but what kind well what Michaels saying is you have to have a partnership then you can hear the lecture on intimacy no no no it starts

right here with ourselves and you're not going to be able to have fulfilling relationships with yourself if you don't have fulfilling means all around God self and others and it's interesting when I talk about that because when I've done book signings when I've done talks on you know relations or when I go on tour and I've done you know lectures and workshops people will say can you tell us about the workshop and I say you know it's God you know self and others and it's an interesting vibe you get in the

room if I would say I'm gonna teach you how to find your soul mate you just get this oh this is amazing when I say we're gonna talk about your relationship with God self and others it's almost like this Oh which is why you have problems it's like it's a letdown to have you know to talk about God in yourself just tell me what I get to find the other that's gonna distract me from not having a decent relationship you know with with others or whatever with you know God himself I need I need those

intact so this course I'm not gonna go as far into that but not because I'm gonna neglect it it's because I've made it clear and do make it clear every time I talk about relationships 3 you can have God self and others and then I had and it has to be in that order not meaning perfect relationship with God before I can have a perfect relationship with myself then a perfect one with myself before others if they're all happening at the same time but a priority has to be set in place God meaning not the superstitious thing in

the sky that's watching over me telling me that I've done something wrong naughty when I'm intimate with others and so on it's it's more like God meaning my center of integrity love in the greatest sense so your relationship with God means you know love get in touch with than divinity and so on and then that should pour over like a fountain that overflows from the top down to the next tier next here it should flow over and help me fill and fill fulfilled in my relationship with myself and it's like

wow and that's great because some people have accomplished that they're called mystics but they're not very good partners with others you know because they're living in monastery somewhere or caves or in the woods or whatever and aren't I doing well and it does look pretty good because you're in a relationship with God himself but you still have to come back cuz they're like you know well guess we're gonna have to send you into the city next time when you get born so you can't hide you know

it's kind of funny but you didn't escape anything God self and others and so you learn to Center into God how I mean practical things everyday prayer meditation just keeping it simple some form of a spiritual practice it's going to make a difference just like you do 12-step work and you need to incorporate some form of spiritual practice now you take that practice into you start your day and end your day with Abid you start your day let's say I'm gonna start my day with some spiritual connectedness to

spirit to God whatever you want to call it and you know so on but you connect to to love to God spirit and so on then you take that into your day but also I literally tell folks do an exercise where where you're taking your God Center in the morning you're taking that and you're bringing it into your your every move and thought and word deed everything now every one of my thoughts words and deeds I didn't even talk about other people yet so I connect then I go forward and start with imagining each

day my interacting from a place of that connection instead of going you know own money Padma and God is love and God is wonderful and then acting like a jerk when you're done it's God God God great wonderful what's love peace joy okay great did you integrate that love did you breathe it in okay I am as God created me here I go this is great God is and I am wow we're connecting this is fantastic you're the astronaut outside the capsule with air supply out to yourself so you're out in the world it's dark and

it's cold but you've got your connection to God even out there outside the capsule outside of heaven let's say so you feel a connection and you're like I can see this I'm literally starting my day visualizing doing my thoughts words deeds from a place of being connected yeah that feels pretty good not enough third and how do I interact with others so it's not about just filling up with God each day it's not about just visualizing that God connection in your day to day life it's also about how I

bring it to the world and that's Buddhism in three steps that's a Course in Miracles in three steps nobody says that nobody knows that realizes that but all the programs can be summarized in three God self and others to elv step programs telling you better to find some dependence on God to help you through life it's also saying secondly it's supposed to make a difference in you third bring the change to others that's what Buddha's teaching Buddhism is teaching that's what of Course in

Miracles is teaching all these hundreds of pages no photos no pictures no drawing just hundreds of pages bloody hell you know so you know it could be depending on the volume a thousand pages or whatever read read read read and if you're listening come back to God let it change you and then bring the change to others twelve steps course in miracles' Buddhism they're all saying it doesn't matter which one you choose or all of the above it's just they're all saying that now how many of us are actually

practicing that three relationships and they need to be in that priority if you don't understand the priority where you start your day with God then bring it into your integrated into your life bring it into the world then you're doing something very harmful to yourself because if you don't start the day with God you're gonna be looking for God in all the wrong places if I don't connect with God if I don't feel a sense of God I'm going to feel emptiness emptiness is gonna lead me to desperate decisions

dysfunctional relationships and so on addictions of every kind and so on it sounds like you know that can't happen yes that's exactly what happens no God no goodness so it's a spiritual experience then it's a psychological experience spiritual God psychological me and then it's a tangible experience with others kind of cool well summarized very simplified but that's the ticket so we're not going to keep going over that and go through lengthy exercises on how to connect each day you know it's in my

relationships book but it's a free download too terrible way to sell my book isn't it but it's a free download to the books all the material about relationships with God self and others the free download on my website is is called the daily communion exercise how to fill up how to visualize and then make your actions match if we could all do any amount of that it changes our lives if I myself I wrote it and if I myself forget that it's gonna affect my day God self and others okay now this course that we're going to

do but also today discussing is a little bit about others I mean because not because we're ignoring the God and self without those you can't really get the others but I want to address others because it's a very strong need for people but I'm still going to go back and remind us God itself one of the most consistent things when it comes to relationships is communication issues because if you have a relation with God that's spiritual prayer meditation if you have a relationship with yourself it's really found in self

healing and boundaries that's me my relationship with me when I have relationship when I'm talking about relationship with others it's involving basically communication and intimacy no I don't mean sexuality I mean communication and intimacy intimacy means connection it means you know it does overlap with communication it can mean sexuality it means vulnerability into me see so my relationship with others is it's got a couple levels to it but it involves communication and intimacy and absolutely true that almost everybody

that comes to see me for real account for counseling or healing it's related to almost all of them yes sometimes trauma but the trauma is often related to others but one of the most consistent things honestly across the board 99 out of 100 still about others it's about our relationships in some form somebody abused me my relationship is breaking up I can't find a relationship it's still myself and others that's just constant and once in a while there'll be something else such as you know I've got

this ache and this issue in this pain often those things are strangely related to our relationship with ourselves something we're not honoring so we got sick so it still involves relationship but a lot of my sessions are about relationships and usually about a relationship with others quite often and when we do talk about that the two topics come up either or or both mind you either or it's you know communication issues with that relationship or intimacy issues and again I don't mean just sex I mean

connection and those are just common issues and they need to be dealt with differently so instead of it taking up a few minutes in an ongoing course with so much to cover we're going to delve into that a little bit more kind of like you know advanced training on communication you know because man I mean I have people consistently some of you in the room know this I have people consistently come to me say saying how should I tell them that my mother you know she'll go nuts if I don't let her control my life and then

Michael will give you you know what I would do and Michael will give you you know his his speeches suggestions and it works you know 99% of the time it's gonna work I'm not gonna tell you things that don't work it doesn't make sense you know I'm connected enough to Intuit things that work and I like him I appreciate that because I can apply them to obviously but our communication when you stay inhibited you know afraid to say to ask I say to folks all the time well what's going on well I'm afraid

that they're gonna do this this this did you ask them no well then then you're actually living in em and you know an ambiguous fear like you're living a fear you haven't even put it to the test yet do you even know it's kind of like saying Michael I'm coming for a session I'm gonna spend a hundred and something dollars to tell you that I'm going to see a doctor and it's terrifying me why what did they tell you well nothing yet I haven't seen him oh okay it's gonna

you know be a little like wait did they tell you something on the phone no did someone tell you you have something to go see they don't know okay still I would work with you about your fear of doctors and where that's rooted we'd still have somewhere to go but you see how strange it could be people are living in fear of things that aren't even happening so that's why it's good to go deeper inside to see what is happening get to the roots of things instead of living with this thing controlling us so you know on another

note communication ask step up it's the thing Buddha taught too well ask put things to the test don't just assume and live in fear ask you know I'm afraid that my partner's fallen out of love white what did they say well nothing oh okay wait the the higher dimensions are channeling right now something maybe you should ask them yeah ask them you know have you fallen I love where we at honey you know I mean try it and and I'm I'm making fun of it but at the same time I don't mean it rudely but

people are are staying stuck and in fear because they're afraid to ask why are you afraid to ask I'm afraid of what they might say oh oh then don't ask and live in the fear of what they might say don't just walk through the fear of what they might say you're gonna let it you're gonna just let it control your life for how many years and again that's where I just get down to the practical and say how long do you want to do that you know and so and I do the same thing for myself I really do where I say to

myself well you know how long do I want to do that and you have to find that's why a relationship with yourself is important because the relationship with yourself means you know boundaries and if you know boundaries you know what you can handle in any given situation so you check in and you say yeah you know I could probably give my partner another you know year or so to kind of help me sort this out good see if you don't know what you can handle you're not gonna make any good decisions so that's what

boundaries are about knowing what you can handle knowing your limit in energetic limit financial limit or whatever the case might be it's really beautiful see if we're really healthy then we're really giving ourselves a proper boundary it's a bad word for it would be called a limit but sometimes that's an important word to use but an appropriate limitation on how far we're willing to go with things so hi this is my airspace you know and nice to meet you you know you're a banker you're a friend you're a partner

whatever you are nice to meet you banker listen could I get a loan well let me look at that how much would you like oh you know five billion would be good really how much do you make for twenty five an hour there they have the right to say you know no you know what because they walked in like this to you're wanting more than I can afford to give you based on your income no thanks and we hate them for saying no to us people constantly get mad they would they denied my loan and I've been there is frustrating but trust me they've done

all their calculations and they know their limit what's really sad is you don't know yours as well as they know theirs you should be thinking about what you can afford to borrow not how can I get all I can and end up in a desperate situation but instead what you know what can I afford and let me try to stay within those means look at how different the world would be if everybody understands it honoring your boundaries when you honor your boundaries you're actually creating a healthier healthier psychological person when you do that

you've grown you've actually grown so I call boundaries your psychological muscles exercise boundaries you've toned your muscles tone your muscles you have better core you have better strength more endurance to do whatever else you need to do so quite cool quite beautiful boundaries play a big role but the relationship with others communication that people cannot continue to live in fear and expect things to go really well so go ahead and ask what you need to ask and and again we'll get more into this

in the course but even here learn to love and be tactful when you communicate if you're gonna say to me but I don't love the person I don't mean in love can you not find love for the person no I don't like them I'm really angry okay then hypothetically love let's just imagine that you're loving the soul deep inside the spark of light that barely looks like it's flickering it just means if the word love is too much for you try this word respect I have no respect for them at all then you

probably shouldn't communicate with them at all because if you can't find love and/or respect you cannot communicate well it's impossible you're going to you know leak your hurt your anger your desperation your vindictiveness your reactions and so on it's not going to go well you know and so learn learn to find that Center learn to find that place inside that's you know that's another soul and whatever I do however I communicate with them however I communicate with them there's going to

be an effect so that effect is going to also include me so I think what I'm gonna do is try my best to be loving and tactful what does that look like we're gonna go into the nitty-gritty and the steps to that but just as an example start when you communicate with people try to come from accentuating the positives you know you don't start a good conversation with We Need to Talk then you know that doesn't give me a good vibe that you know I'm like I'm sick in my stomach or defenses are

getting ready or I'm already preparing for you're gonna say this and I'm gonna say that start with hey how's it going Connect connect in some way start with God I can't tell you how much such-and-such and this was wonderful what you did I know that sounds really strange because you're not always gonna be able to pull some blissful thing out of the ethers when you're in the middle of a confrontation you know it's not like you know you're your partner you know you get home from work and there's

nothing there and they left you divorce papers and they have the kids and they moved in with their mother who also moved where you won't find them and you've got nothing left and do I expect you to go when she ever does call listen I just want to tell you how much I appreciate all you you know you and I you know shared and I gotta tell you you know I don't think I've ever loved somebody as deeply as you and by the way um thank you for the divorce papers that that was really an eye-opener for me it sent me

into a cathartic experience with my counselor and do you know do I know I don't expect that I really don't but what you could do when they say well well what did you get the papers yes I did now I know you inside you're hurting and upset but yes I did well what do you think well I was a little surprised well you know I'm really you know cuz you did this and I want to be done it well yeah I don't blame you you know that's crazy talk how many people are able to say to a person I get it I get it now I'm not

saying they're right I never said that I said you're gonna put on your adult pants and say I get it I can understand why this happened those people in our lives that are challenging with us or challenged with us they don't expect you to understand they expect you to either attack or defend and it really changes everything when you can do something different I mean you can do the other that's to be human you know to err is human but if you want to change your life and have healthy relationships they

have to be done differently and it includes hearing people I I get what you're saying you know I get what you're saying I understand I said this to somebody in a session I think it was just this week you know you know just in regards to to you know because it's it's like well the person says well I can't end the relationship they want to be done and I want to be done but I there are certain circumstances I can't leave yet I don't have any resources or whatever and I say well anytime I've had and I thought I'd

had only a couple but significant partnerships like that somebody living I said I when it's done they don't have yet perhaps a career setup or whatever I said I give them money I'm not rich but they can have whatever I've got because I have a career I'm doing things I can make more tomorrow but they can have whatever and I give him the car they're like you're kidding no I'm not kidding there's not it's if if it's done just because it's done doesn't mean I don't

have love respect somewhere here and if I do hate you that much then I why was I ever in the relationship so I owe you that anyway for making such a big mistake I made so instead I actually feel better knowing that I'm respectful enough to say how can I help now if such a partner were out of their mind and rude and crazy and attacking and you know maybe I wouldn't do it as much and maybe it wouldn't be the right thing to enable them and give them so much if they were being that hurtful but that hasn't happened for me

just enough to where it's not working it's not you know certain things not working I've tore too much or whatever it is it's not working okay so what do you need and people need to think that way and they don't but more people need to think that way and I know that one out of every so many of you maybe have had that kind of a you know amicable you know Parcher it's it's kind of a spiritual maturity that it takes spiritual maturity involves responsibility so if you end a relationship trying to pick apart this

and that now sometimes it's very obvious who is doing this or that if somebody in your relationship is having a severe addiction problem I'm not saying that you both have an addiction problem if you don't have one all I'm saying though is that you're both in the same relationship so how did you end up in the relationship with somebody who's got an addiction well I didn't know why did you not know well because we got together fairly quickly that's actually addictive you see what I'm saying it's

like I'm not telling you you're wrong I'm just saying I would look at my part that's all it's not that difficult and and if I look at my part in a Scituate I don't feel like a heaviness that some people feel to me it feels fairly simple it's not like oh I've been naughty I've been bad I'm a bad boy I should go put my nose in the corner and sit there for a while and till I thought about what I've done it's not that challenging just keep things light when you communicate

keep things light so later we'll get into more specifics about step by step you know relationships and communication but communication is very important and if and when you have an ending of a relationship one thing we're gonna get into more detail for sure is when you have to write that email or make that call or text somebody or whatever do not make a foolish decision to think that when you have something very hazardous going on that there's something wrong with you saying and do not contact me again that's actually

okay encouraged no but wait my girlfriends are telling me you know I should be nicer get rid of them too let me tell you how to write them a letter well my mother said you know but you know honey you're getting older maybe nobody else would want you to tell give her a letter to give them all walking papers and start fresh with people that liked you enough to support you not enable your ego if you're being crazy in your relationships and people are drawing the line with you I'm not saying those people are wrong I'm talking about

when you're trying to pursue healthiness for yourself and people try to wrong you for it yeah you know I would say goodbye if I had to I don't have any problem with that and people will make up all kinds of reasons why not oh but I've known them Elektra she's been my best friend or with this or that or the other none of that nothing really means anything on this planet there's a song with lyrics nothing really matters anyone can see right nothing really matters to me it's it's it things are

not as important as you might think there are on this planet but not just from a spiritual mystical standpoint people that seem like they matter because their blood relatives because their next-door neighbors because their partners nothing matters more than you and God the priority others are the last of the three relationships so God and self first so as soon as you're sacrificing yourself something's not quite right and since this course includes intimacy and sexuality we have to go that direction now but it can't we

can't ignore these other parts because if I don't get my clarity at God's self and a healthy self mind you boundaries and all and if my communication with you isn't quite right the final step of all the relationships god prayer meditation self self healing and boundaries others communication and intimacy it's the last of the whole Row two things with God two things with self two things with others it's the last of all six of those parts intimacy that is and sexuality is part of that so it's the last which means if

the others are not intact why are we talking about intimacy you know I've had it my life where somebody says oh I'm interested in spending time with you why see that's communication instead of well okay I go why and they get kind of like what do you mean why don't you just go compulsively into things launching into things no actually and I've had people angry at that irritated by it confrontational about it which then I wrote him a letter no you know what are those great letters but but it's true

nothing really matters more than you and your healthiness connection to God and your healthiness and it's not to sound selfish you're helping others by being healthier you're teaching them you're teaching them you're showing them your dumb straining what self-worth looks like the truth is if any of your folks that you've kind of had to distance from if if any of them have some time to look at what you've done they're going to get it they're going to say thank you thank you

for you know setting a boundary or whatever I I've shared this story before because of our courses and the topics but just one example is you know and again I know I've shared this to some of you have heard this but one time going through a very dark period and I wasn't sure what to do with my date nights and all that things had fallen apart 30-something years ago and you know I was hesitating from teaching a little bit I was just pausing there so I was going and listening to some music this is at this club listen to you some music

cuz I'd never done that before so I thought I'm gonna just try this I'm now 30 or whatever so I think I'm gonna go and try this so I go and listen music well it so happens I sit there at my my own business long story short this gal and her friends come in her friends come over to me and say she's going through a lot or her boyfriend just broke up and broke her heart she's not been out of the house for weeks we dragged her out today which i think is a nice thing to do get people you know to not be immobilized

but to take him out and get them drunk I don't think was the best solution so they they took her out they're getting her you know a drink and they're trying to loosen her up in the best that their spiritual like you could figure out and you know they're kind of getting her to loosen up and all that so they say would you dance with her I'm like well you know I'm just kind of minding my own business oh please sure fine so dance with her and then she sits at the table drink some more dances again gets it and she's

getting drunker as she goes at some point she finally says something she leans forward as we're dancing a little and cheese says something and I couldn't hear what she's saying cuz the music's loud but when I started figuring out I kind of couldn't believe it but she was you know propositioning me in some ways and I'm like seriously what she's like yeah would you do this not the other I'm like wow so I leaned forward said something to her and then brought her to her table sat her down and I split it

was a couple years later that I ran into a girl and it was her and I didn't know that but it was her and she said I don't know if you remember me but I met you at this place and then it all starts coming to me even private sessions that I do from years ago as soon as I sit with a person it starts downloading again out here I might not remember you or names a lot of times but you know I've had people sit and go look um you know I sit down to do the session I don't remember in the moment before

the session it's really strange but as soon as we start talking it starts downloading and I've had people there's a lady who said to me I don't know if you remember me I said you had a husband you guys were deciding whether you were gonna this is 20 something years later one session only you were thinking about whether you were gonna move with him he moved to a different state to get your new home ready but you wanted to finish your job because of benefits you had so you didn't know if you should move with

him now to be in love and have your new home or stay another year apart from him to keep the benefits alive she's like how do you remember that I have no it just happens it's just it just thank God it's just you know God memory it just works out and I get guided that way so this girl I didn't recognize her but immediately it starts downloading and she said well I was really in a dark time and that night I know I got a little buzzed and I said some things that are pretty embarrassing to you and

I said yeah and she said and I just wanted to know I just wanted you to know you responded by leaning forward and you said something in my ear and it changed my life what I don't remember is anything what I told her I know it was good because when I say you know what do i do god it's got to be something beautiful so I said something and this girl is telling me it changed her life so to me when you have these opportunities and people just assume let's do the compulsive thing let's do the automatic pilot thing I'd

like to know more why what is that about well my boyfriend left me okay I don't think so that's not gonna no let's talk you see what I'm saying let's talk let's do what's valuable now if you tell me I had a boyfriend leave girlfriend leave or whatever years ago and it's an experience you've processed through and you feel a feeling you would like to share that's different when you can tell me that you understand what you want to do and why as long as it fits my or your

own self and boundaries then I think it's a very beautiful and mature thing but most people don't want to know God himself you'd have to convince me that this is somehow an experience of God and self is present not I'm missing something and I want you to make it up for me make sense and intimacy is such a charged topic it's just so charged so challenged do you realize that when you think you know for example I ask people you know especially in sessions you know your ears sexual history perhaps what's

gone you know where have you been what's gone on for you what's worked what's not worked favorite experiences least favorite these are all things I typically ask in certain circles or certain conversations and most of the time people are very like well they answered they go wow I've never talked about this and they share once in a while it can bring up guilts and shames all I know is this people think sexual abuse means incest or rape anytime you feel a lack of Love's presence it's traumatic any person you've ever been

with intimately I don't care how hot the experience was hot the word hot in sanskrit is the same word used for shallow that which is heated is shallow it doesn't impress me if i were to watch a movie and you get one of those hot scenes we're these people they start kissing and then they get and and and humans talk about this stuff you know humans love it there you see oh god it was so hot because they do something ridiculous like they start kissing and then they go on the desk at work everything on the floor

you're you're you're doing them you know you're doing them now am I trying to say like like people of certain walks and you know cultures and whatnot one position only only for a few minutes and only to have children not not at all man not at all I'm not saying that at all that's you know what's called missionary sex came from the missionaries telling native people throughout the world this is the only way you're allowed to have sex or it's evil you know honey you got to imagine the things they might have

seen before their influence it might have been pretty fun but they're telling them no one position only header up one position and for only so long and only when you want to have children you know they just they messed up a lot of cultures man but that was called missionary sex so I'm not saying that I'm just talking about how integrated you are how present how how real it is not shallow you can have hot let's call it but you have to use a different word passionate intimacy or sex you can have

passion and not lose your Center but most people can't do anything they can't pour a cup of water without losing their Center let alone intimacy so in the tantric Buddhist tradition they you know there's some very strong rules about no contact with some some Buddhist traditions and yet some of those traditions that know touch they actually refer to Tantra the the practice of Tantra as the short path to enlightenment and there's a reason why they say that not because all Tantra is good or healthy but the one they're

referring to though they're more authentic that Tantra is the short path to enlightenment why would somebody call it that and then not go after it why do they go to the not short path enlightenment because they're saying it's almost impossible Jesus is talking in A Course in Miracles footnotes not in the typical book but in the diary notes to Helen who channeled the book he you know she's asking him some questions at times and he's answering outside of the the parameters of the course itself

she's asking them questions and the people don't realize that that a Course in Miracles it starts off you know this is of course miracles and so on beautiful you know kind of statements about the mind psychology spirituality and so on a lot of people don't know that when it was first channeled a huge portion within the first chapter or two was about sex and it was edited out I'm not saying that's good or bad I'm just telling you I think it's interesting it was added to doubt Jesus is like go

ahead asked away I mean why did Jesus think it was important to include in the you know her transcribing or in his into his downloads tour why was it important to talk about sex because first of all because her own life was twisted around sexuality she was also pent up and frustrated scared about sex so he was partly therapy her and it's just what they started off with because it was so messed up also because she's writing the Course in Miracles and she has friends working with her on the course and

there's a little sexual tension between them see what I'm saying so he's addressing it because it was important in their relationships but do you think it was just there's edgar cayce is a great channel but he had the hots for his stenographer and he was married so there was sexual tension there too so what do you do do you become like the what they call neo Tantra s-- where everybody just does everybody know I wouldn't recommend that that's just sex addiction even though they hate me for calling it that they

often tell me that you know I don't care it's just what it is it's just an excuse for a sexual addiction they're often the Neo what they call neo Tantra but the real Tantra short path to enlightenment why was it called that because Jesus is telling Helen there's no problem with sex Helen there's no problem really no no let me explain it's just the way you do it is the problem so he said he's always got the little hook he's got a pull you know sex no problem really this is gonna be a

great teaching Jesus have at it well let me explain when a person gets together with another person and they start rubbing things they get stimulated when they get stimulated they go and then they go I want to go somewhere with that I want to rub it until I have an outcome and so here you know he says that means the whole time you're not in the moment as soon as you're hooked by a sensation you're not in the moment because as soon as you're hooked by a sensation you're wanting to go somewhere

so how do you stay here with God and self how do you do that I mean you know oh Jesus be with me while I'm making love you know that's that's how scary and weird it's been for some mystics and sometimes they've thought and done horrible things to themselves I remember you know I remember in high school thinking God God and self and integrity and love and respect for others I felt that and thought that so much so that I know that on a couple of occasions when I was intimate as it was happening I

remember they couldn't see me because I'm laying with a person but I remember tears coming into my eyes because I thought I've done something wrong you see because I felt I got hooked and lost myself for a moment into sensation and I you know you could think dude that's a little you know a little odd for a kid to be thinking I'm glad that I had it because it taught me the difference the feeling differences it taught me the integrity and what isn't integrity I'm glad that I couldn't just stay blind to

the experience and not care what I was doing with another person i I'm glad actually about that but it's true that we are capable of bringing God into the situation and truly bring himself into the situation but the more you the faster you go the more you're distracted the faster you breathe the hotter it gets you've lost yourself you can learn to hold your Center and get passionate but you can't learn to get passionate and find your Center the other way around is almost impossible have your Center learn

to hold it and practice a little more oops come back to Center a little more and come back to Center kissing you know it doesn't it doesn't take all the discipline that it sounds like but at first it might that's why in true tantric Buddhism there are just intense exercises to keep the discipline not the shame discipline of some traditions simply self willpower not the willpower to say no the willpower to know who you are and what you're doing at any given moment so there's this beautiful learning to hold your Center

and then absolutely making love and laughing and kissing it and you'll know not like okay wait I went way over here how let me let me do 30 seconds of mantras so I can get back to Center you might need something like that at first but at some point it's a split second oh here I am oh there you are love you right back to the love I'm feeling love here sharing love here great you're so beautiful you see just right back to this total integrity and it only takes a split second if even that when you know

how to do that and you can be as passionate and intense and come back to it it's it's not a problem but it's no different no better or worse than any other thing we do we're supposed to learn to do everything in the center of God cooking oh I can't possibly do it when I'm cooking cuz I got the alarm going and I've got the microwave going and I'm melting things and I can't do my deep meditations you shouldn't don't burn the house down for the sake of God so instead maybe start with learning to

do some centering before you start your meal your cooking your baking whatever it is you know if you're if you're gonna do it I'm not talking about three hours of all money padmi I'm talking about show me how to cook in your presence that's all simple just ground center into God and then cook and it might be your miracle might be nothing today tomorrow you do it again it might be like God that this meal it went by so quickly the the work the effort it might be I put in an agree ingredient that

just came to me and it totally changed the meal you might channel you might do this your ideas might come to you you never know I do my best to start each day and end each day centered in God do you not think that makes a difference when I come to a stage and then just start you know rambling you know talking about whatever topic it has to make a difference do I you know not thinking do you not think that in the middle of the night when I have a vision and I wake up going wow a book just came to me and I start writing a book like it almost all

comes to me at once how is that not influenced by a few moments of centering before and after in there starting the day and end of the day it doesn't take hours and hours and hours you're not separate from God so don't listen to anybody telling you how hard it is to get back just believe it's simple believe that you've never left believe that you can therefore just call in that presence and it'll be with you understand that it'll come through we don't know what forms today it could be

anything a blip on a radar a song on the radio some synchronicity a feeling of peace despite some tense situation any forms in all forms just be open and before you know it you realize I'm walking in the light of God you know I've just done a couple talks last couple Sundays related to that concept so the short path to enlightenment they call Tantra because they're saying if you can stay centered while being intimate you've accomplished that which is almost impossible so they're calling it the short path to enlightenment

because instead of all this long you know tedium to discipline yourself if you can learn to in the most stimulating potentially distracting kind of a situation beautiful stimulating and all that if you can hold Center there you've done what almost nobody can do so it's quite a compliment if you think about it and it's again not telling you to do it religiously meaning from a place of religion you know which is all twisted yeah well it is you know the concept of people that believed in religion nuns

that we're told that it's time to bathe your body but you have to wear a garment over you debate you're not allowed to touch your skin you watched through a cloth or when you consummate a relationship the wife was to wear a garment that had a space for him/her to be entered but the body wasn't to make contact that's not even the nuns those are the wives can't even see your wife traditions and cultures that said tables in your house had to have long tablecloths because it was unseemly for

legs to be shown in the Victorian age some of you have heard of that legs of a table I mean she's how desperate are you to get you know like are you really getting that distracted by the legs Wow that's a side table I've never seen before you know the coffee table - careful the side table is gonna get jealous like you know just tow to messed up so in relationships there's something you know I teach about time agreements the pyramid concept of relationships that the relationships have a sense in a

sense a yin and yang of the universe that two forces masculine feminine I'm not doing about men women masculine feminine dance in this universe so a lot of people say well my relationship has a lot of fighting that's yang or young energy a lot of fighting or we kind of don't get things accomplished very Yin so in nature you're gonna have one that's a little more a doer and one a little more receiving you know assertive passive nothing wrong with that if you have that though let's say that you're the passive

one and then you start saying you know that doesn't work for me it disturbs the force it disturbs the energy you signed on saying you be 80% yang I'll be 20% yang because that's typical yin and yang is 8020 so you go ahead and be 80% yang I'll be only 20% Yin would be the opposite perfect there's our relationship it's pretty cool it's sometimes a little this way in that way but generally it floats in that beautiful perfection and that that ratio the downside is if the young starts to

back off and become Yin let's say they get unhealthy and they don't have the energy or they're aging or something something's happening to where the young energy starts to deplete it could throw a little wobble in this balance this person could say got you covered let me step up and you still have balance see that the problem would be if both go this way or both go that way and yet you when you say you know I've I've gone to counseling and I'm feeling like it's time for me to come out time

for me to come out and I want to assert more and you know the kids have moved away and so I you know I'd like to go back to college you're not going back to college young 80% no but I'd like to thirty forty watch out danger Will Robinson you know danger you know so it's like she's watch out she's stepping out she's coming up you know if people understood and said oh I get it you're you're needing to bring the young and forward more can I step back a little does that work for me some people

have the right to say I signed on for 8020 that's all I will do thank you very much and then you could say darn you know I get it we saw I signed on to I signed on when I signed on you got the paperwork right there under the marriage license and I put you know so and so at 20% yeah you know it's right there and then and that's okay because that was your agreement but you're saying what you're saying but I'm changing and you own that you're changing and they have the right to say sorry you have the

right to be heartbroken but this too shall pass before I go and get another relationship because I've gone from 20 and 80 and I might I'm the 20 young and I'm only at 21 I wouldn't go get another relationship just yet are you going to go to 28 48 56 how much are you coming out I would do some self healing and go okay wait okay it seems like it kind of settled in I feel like a person who likes 50/50 in me in myself I feel like I have 50% assertive 50% that's it feels great now that I know I

might attract someone else with that sort of it you know balanced equilibrium that might be their ratio if I don't because the universe is gonna go well based on your we have your records here and you're a 2000 but I've changed well no the records don't show that that change is solid yet because you've only done it for about thirteen hours you know are you really 50/50 or are you still 80/20 so the universe will sometimes throw you one of those again to test oh but this one's a better

looking 80% young this one has more money than the last young energy person and you blown it again because you've betrayed yourself and you'll pay for it you have to decide how solid you are in your new self whenever the new self is being born and at some point you go 50/50 that's what I'm gonna do now and well but this one's good looking in the room you know healthy and balanced when you show what did I call boundaries muscles when you show that you've honed those muscles you built those muscles called boundaries

the universe I can tell you will almost always match you at that but it will test you first almost every time are you for sure about this 50/50 it'll test you and it's you know it's kind of a a bummer because you know we would like it to be so much easier we would like it to just you know and and if I give him the universe nobody'll notice you know if I've betrayed myself nobody's gonna notice you know you know so how could the universe and its infinite intelligent not in intelligence not know

that you're bargaining yourself but but yeah but you know I've been doing these changes for a year now don't I deserve and I've heard I've heard all that tears you know don't I deserve it isn't it my time yes I'm gonna absolutely I empower you go settle it's gonna be great is that what you want me to say you know I know I know the pain and so I get it it's alright settle you'll get the results of settling show your conviction to yourself and that will pay off beautifully that said when you're

dealing with relationships there's time agreements so you could say to people how about we try this out for a while let's test this let's try this out I think that when you move in with somebody you test it there's a saying when it comes to prosperity or or money or money management or or wealth and all this there's a saying and it has to do with saying there's when you're in business you there's a there's like a a sweet spot as to when you should expand the business to soon they often go broke not

soon enough they become really bogged down everybody running into each other because the buildings do small and it's just it's uncomfortable there's a sweet spot it's it's what I would call there's an organic moment when it's irresistible it's this is the next natural step so mixing conversation of relationships and intimacy it's the same thing to me it's not nice to see you I you know wow yeah I I think so let's let's have sex maybe get their name first maybe the

conversation has to be so cool that touching even hands is the next its natural it feels like I can't not touch your hand this conversation so this is just cool and now there's a little bit more of something and then you're kissing and I know this sounds old-fashioned to some people are thinking Oh what do you mean your glass ound like you're taking your time with this it should just go there you know no it needs to be organic I believe the organic process could take one day or ten years you can't say

exactly because it depends on anyone and another person honestly but for most people it really should be grown there's you know concepts of grow your business you grow it you know and and if you put a seed in the ground fresh soil it's really nice watered it and then just sat there and stare well it you know I would question your sanity what's up with you you've been in the ground like it's been two minutes that's what people do with relationships well why aren't we being intimate

often the male of to again not men women the male of any man or woman is gonna be the more assertive let's go and the others gonna well wait you shouldn't we and usually the louder wins young often wins in this universe in on this planet it usually wins louder bigger strong usually wins it's not necessarily supposed to be that way but it just usually is that way so we acquiesce I'm a male and I've acquiesced a couple times in my life and you know had to really look at that like you know that that's I felt a little

weird about it and so when you think of incest and rape is the trauma called sexual trauma and nothing else nots not true at all a male can feel traumatized even if he's participating because I'd rather not have done that with this person or at this time you know and we when we do this I'm showing up I'm a physical person I have an energetic body I have an emotional body I'm layers my being is holistic it's layers it's a whole being we all are when I show up and participate in something and I'm

only half there or am buzzed I'm drunk I'm dissociated I'm that's actually not so good what happens now is that physically I might be there embody my body might be there but psychologically I'm dissociating that's gonna be remembered in every one of my body's my cellular memory my brain my neurology my energy systems you see it's gonna be impacted memorizing this moment and especially when your sexual because when your sexual things start happening with your body even if you're being raped you can

have sensations this is terrible and I've had people say to me Mike oh I can live with this guilt I felt sensations when what a boy and force themselves on but whatever it is and I'll say you know I'm not trying to argue with him or wrong them but I will say to them there's nothing wrong that you had sensations it is wrong this wasn't a good situation and they abused me they well look at it this way have you not ever been outside and the wind blows and it breasts and you get your nipples get hardened what are you gonna

chase the wind down and beat it for it you know it's the wind is the way your body just responded I use simple metaphors like that not to be disrespectful but in fact the opposite you didn't do anything wrong and what they're doing is they're shaming their body for responding no your body does respond your neurology memorizes your brain cells memorize your emotional body and so on so what happens sadly is that once we've done that and learn to numb once it's easier to numb the second time

and more the third and the fourth people once they're reaching and mature enough age immediate mature could be 25 or 45 or 55 or whatever once you've done this enough times now you can do just about anything you can be involved in any intimate encounter and you know still know how to number gloss things over if you could instead imagine that any intimate encounter could be should be treated as though it's the first time now not so much so that I want it to be perfect and you're all tense about it

because a lot of people do that and it's a lot to live with when you're a young boy or girl you say I want the first time to be special and very often it isn't and it lets you down I'm just talking about I would like this to be just right here right now a very fresh experience and I would like to be here and if I'm not here I probably should communicate that oh but we don't really talk about things then why are you being intimate because intimacy is the last on the list of other things a god

connection and so on so how do you bring a god connection do you you know in the middle of intercourse you know oh sometimes but not necessarily it's in here I love and I'm loving that's bringing the presence of God but you can practice you can practice sitting and talking to each other before you make love you know and sometimes so much so ceremonially that one partner usually the smaller of the two sits on the lap of another if it's physically ok for them one can sit on the lap of another it's called yob yumm which means like

yin yang position meaning the male/female blending so one is sitting here across like the other sitting on their lap cross leg and it's this beautiful joining you've seen that symbol of two sitting facing each other and you know you're you you can tip foreheads to each other and breathe together you can do I connection and breathe together and you can even share like I'd like to share something with you there are some things I really appreciate about you such as their they share the other says and there are some

things I appreciate about you and they share what's really interesting about this is in almost every tradition people think of there's a god or an entity of some kind whether it's a you know polytheistic monotheistic it doesn't matter there's an entity that there think of Jesus on the cross or some other statue or blessed virgin or you know whatever it happens to be Hermes or Hindu deities okay but in almost every tradition that exists try to imagine a tradition where the deity you're going to honor pray to

and give praise to is the person in front of you so isn't that a Course in Miracles being practiced in its most intense form instead of just going home at the end of a day going okay I know I'm supposed to work on that person because I them so fine I am as God created me and I will to be one with that brother work that I hate you know you that's fine imagine the short path to enlightenment sitting with someone and choosing to see their divinity and that's what you're doing when you're

saying I really appreciate this beautiful thing about you instead of going I'm honoring God in the water and the rivers I'm honored honoring God in the pine-trees God in the rocks oh look a butterfly God in the butterfly that's beautiful but you still don't have anybody can get along with we're supposed to learn to deal with people and one way you can do it is see good in people if you can't speak it to them think it because sometimes you won't be able to speak it because you're

challenged 90% of them challenges you and only ten percents decent so it's gonna be hard to go and talk to that person to say man I really admire this thing in you when the rest is all irritated right makes you all prickly you don't to be in their space so then do it quietly I do appreciate such-and-such about that person I don't care if it's I love their their fashion sense reach and and find something okay you can ask him about any human being on the planet and in history you can say well all Michael no way what

about Adolf Hitler and I'll tell you some amazing stories when he was a kid of things that he experienced that were quite beautiful didn't you know unfortunately he did other things with it but I can say that though there's a really beautiful story something I admire about the guy I loved when he saw a child hit their head on a table in a cafe and start crying he he said he went to the child and and banged his own head a little bit you know on the table too you know like oh look I have it happened to me too and I I'm

hurt too and it to help blend with the kid I don't care what you think of the person I'm saying we should be able to find and there is a possibility to find good like peace pilgrim said and there is good in everyone but I'm not asking you to make it up I'm not you know I'm fine I like the buttons on this jerks shirt you know I'm not asking you to like that begrudgingly guys if someone really hurts you that badly don't because you'll hurt yourself trying to come up with something

positive what I would do is pray to have your mind healed enough to see it organically and not force it see so intimacy sexuality to be able to you know not not literally have to chant and own with each other although that's beautiful but instead just can I see good in this person can I honor them how well their simple ways just for example you showing up and being centered is a really huge gift you're giving them they may have never had that before I've had people tell me I've never been sober

once in my life and had sex I've never been in my body once in my life and had sex then I don't wanna shame them they're just aware of it more people than you would imagine I have the same problem to be totally present to be totally present how if I can choose to be loving then I know I'm here and if I can choose to extend love to you then I know you're here and where two or more are gathered with one intention holiness exists it can be that simple how can I love this person right now so it's quite

beautiful how can I see them as God sees them now your heads gonna go well God would see them as pure oneness and light so we probably we not even be doing this that's an extreme we are doing this how can I see them differently while I do this not get me out of this but how can I experience God while I do this and again while you're making you know lunch for the children or before they go off to school or whether you're you know doing work at work you know laborious whatever you do it's to do

best to stay in the zone and you can bring that you know we can all bring that too even into the intimate environment so time agreements learning to use concepts of time agreements and the pyramid concept of relationships just backing up again to relationships for a moment simple things that if people understood the yin-yang or the concept of pyramids which would let the relationships there's a pyramid if we get these concepts you'll save yourself a lot of grief if you understand time agreements let's try this out and when

it's organic kissing feels like so easy so beautiful instead of you know this kissing doesn't feel very good we ought to try something else that's you know let's try more you know and I really like being intimate with them as long as we don't kiss you know to me hmm you know how about knocking at the door before you open it and enter so kissing is like the knocking at the door it needs to feel like that it needs to feel like the conversations feel organic we're gonna hang out more and then that

feels organic we're gonna do more it's just it morphs and it doesn't mean that that person's gonna be a partner of the rest of your life and it doesn't mean that they're gonna be perfect all the time the relationship may not even work but at least you did that right you paced yourself and you showed an integrity for yourself that's going to give you growth that will be carried anywhere you go this dimension or any other because you cared enough to pace yourself it also proves confirms that

you're not practicing as much an addictive personality or relationship style so the pyramid concept is kind of like the that progression we have acquaintances here and then some stand out a little more from acquaintances and then fewer then from there and fewer then from there and then oh look a partner instead of meeting people going or you love my life mate forever well I don't know I just met you should be there answer can we move from from being like acquaintances to being friends okay fine but now are we life mates

friends so you don't meet and pin people to the capstone of the pyramid nor should you meet and go and sex me this feels really great our acquaintance became friendships our friendships are becoming more and eventually intimate friendships but it might be that we talk about monogamy before intimate friendships or were intimate friends and we're not choosing monogamy doesn't matter eats whatever you guys decide but are you talking about each tier of relationship and then you progress that one and you progress

that and all of a sudden we're somewhere in there we might have become partners but you don't go meet and become partners it's let it grow and we become we grow into a partnership partnership does not necessarily mean live in or life mate that's higher partners of course you might be a couple and then it grows into what we call partners and then partners you know why don't we think about living in now just because one area doesn't work doesn't mean you flush the whole thing it might take time

let's step back one level and see how that works again and try it does that make sense progressing you check it out or you say well okay that worked out let's go to the next that worked out let's go to the next and before you know it a life mate wasn't somebody you met it was something that developed and it need not be one and only life mate that sounds contradictory if it's a life mate it's forever no it's a term it feels like a life mate and if you have a life mate then everything about your life should be out

there mate you know bring it out there are some things I don't want to tell my life mate then they're not a life mate if you can't share your whole life with them they're not a life mate they people get offended I say things like that does your partner know your greatest fears oh I would never tell them then don't tell me they're your partner they're you're dating you know don't tell me that we've been married five years you're dating I don't care how long you've been married

if you can't tell them your deepest fears there's a piece missing and I affirm for you that there's a relationship you can have or you have no secrets not only your greatest fears but your greatest dreams oh I would be too embarrassed to tell them you know that sort of thing I think it's great and it will happen on this planet believe it or not where every human being will be able to trust every other human being it'll happen you're not meant to single out somebody and fade away into the sunset

you'll single out one romantically but you're meant to feel love for and from every soul that's ever been created how can you become one without everyone we're one part of us it doesn't make sense we are all destined to return this concept of soulmate the one and only and twins all one and only you are meant to reconnect with every soul everyone in a state of love and so it's it's an interesting notion I mean I know what trauma is like so I know there's reasons to kind of keep our cards close to our

chest not be vulnerable and people you know I'm a public person I'm a public figure so anything I say can be used against me all the time so I could use that as an excuse to say and I did for many years of my life do the teaching and stay detached you know in terms of privacy but then it gradually happened in me and I saw all the other spiritual teachers that I know colleagues and all they do keep that separate but for me I thought how how much trust in my experience if I have to always be careful so I'm

gonna risk it come out and come out and most people even though some people are only watching me online there's an intimacy that's unbelievable compared to most people that think they have partnerships we can talk about anything you know you know and friends of Michael Muir dad's group we just had this funny exchange you know somebody Michael please forgive me I got to ask it's been years of you know watching you online and I can ask you something about your hair you know and then we started

giggling and they're like I'm sorry and some people like that's personal and I not know what do you want to know well you know I was a hairdresser all my life and you know it's like and this is out this is on on social media so it's not a problem but it's it was so fun and beautiful and it was like so so how come you're here does this and it doesn't do that why'd this in the oh well I don't do anything special just the way it is you know answering it and then other people are laughing I was wondering -

thank you for asking and now there's this fun and giddy like I was wondering and you were brave enough to ask and now we're act asking like close friends never even met any of these people most of them and you know and then somebody then they start asking about what clothes you wear you know in this kind of thing and and it just becomes so funny this exchange you know and tired Michael wears women's robes instead of men you know then that entered the conversation and it's like well yes that's true but because there's so much

softer you know so we're having this laughter and and people are going oh me too and then the guy who one guys going thank you now now I feel like I have permission to go you know it's just so great and if and there was one person I noticed at least one that said you know when this conversation came up I didn't like it I thought it was invasive and and then I caught on and I laughed and it changed everything for me which is amazing that's called healing you see so yes it's a bummer when you

try to say I'm gonna come out I'm gonna tell you I'm gay or I'm gonna tell you I can't do this relationship I'm gonna tell you that I have fears in my life or whatever it is there is gonna it's gonna happen that some people will kick you around and shame you for anything you talk about it's possible you have to decide if you're going to use that as an excuse to shut down or recalibrate and find a different way to come out that's you know the way life is and in context

of this course exploring true intimacy sexuality and relationships you can't without at least some amount of a willingness for intimacy to to say intimacy ask something if you want to know now if I sense that you're asking for unhealthy reasons or you're being obsessive or addictive or you know just strange agendas I'm not interested in in enabling that but you know you ask how can I help today Michael it's very important for me could you tell me this it scares me I mean I I had a woman who must have been

I was probably 40 and she had to be I don't know 70 80 and she said you know she took classes and appreciated things and so on in sessions and all that and she said one day Michael she might be watching Michael would you mind if you know if I asked you you know permission if ever I'm being intimate with myself could I think of you you know and I had a split second or I have to you know this person in what's healthy for them is this okay at the same time when I was done for that split second check-in I

said well of course you know it was such a beautiful thing now I know there's people out there that is totally inappropriate you're supposed to be on this and you say I don't care what you think you know go become a nun again it's probably what you were in your last life so go go go become one of those again I'm not interested in that I want to not shame this woman who it took everything for her to ask that question you see now I didn't just say yeah baby I'll think about you too you know

obviously the intention would have been yeah you know that's fine and talk to her about how to how to make that a healthy thing for her and a temporary thing at that so that she and she did in fact move in the direction of healthier healthier and has had a life mate for the last maybe 20 years that I've known her beautiful relationship total change in her life not just because she thought it would you know but but but the her ability to say you know could I ask this you you know it's almost hard it's

almost impossible to understand how scared some people are in certain situations just imagine if you're the person who could give them give them permission to not be terrified I think it's just amazing so I learned that I learned that true intimacy is is safety you cannot have safety you cannot have relationship you cannot have communication you can't have anything can have boundaries nothing without understanding the importance of safety permission and you will not harm me it would not be your intention you might accidentally and

then you apologize and that helps me Oh relax into it a little bit and be okay with it safety you know come here and let me take your hand and is it okay those kinds of things to be able to help a person feel safe to come out but you have to learn to care about people to help them feel safe you have to care about them which is called love you know I've seen it happen so many times where you know the this world seems so linear but if people can be holistic and think beyond themselves there's so much more than meets the eye

and you can sense that someone needs to ask this and someone needs to ask that let them ask not to shame them and if they say to me I remember I'm at one workshop one student of mine was saying probably watching Michael I I deal with a lot of sexual shame we start talking we go for deeper into this conversation and so on and one part of the conversation is gonna be how many partners have you had a lot okay well how many I don't know but you know yeah a lot gave her some homework come up with as many as you can think of you

know she came back with 70 and that's more than some less than others but 70 just a number and she went so far as to she didn't make it an obsession I was really proud of that but she came back with 70 remember the names of everyone the circumstances she did some like fearless exploration now she's coming back and telling me this around this time at this other workshop she's sharing this with me somebody else coincidentally at the workshop pulls me aside a younger girl like a young girl you know and I'm here because I want to

work on sexual shame well what's going on well I've been with a lot of people really how many it's it's like 20-something I go you know hey so-and-so go over here for a minute have a seat you don't mind me telling her no it's okay okay so tell us again she wants to tell you something oh well I've deal with a lot of sexual shame and I've been with you know 20 30 partners you know this girl is so beautiful watch because she she was like now in the mother role like she was now oh my God look at the pain this girl's

feeling and it's not even half the number you can feel pain with one person painless with a hundred it's all what's happening in here and in here so this girl felt relief because she saw what another person's going through with hat not even half the number this person sees not you you're so healthy there's hope for me just in this one simple conversation why permission safety we're all safe to talk about this so you want to explore true intimacy sexuality relationship do become familiar with

your shadows the parts of you you don't want anyone to know because whatever those are they will affect us meaning any of us that relate to you how you know there's a saying in 12 steps you're as sick as your secrets that's an important and very important step saying oh my god I miss if I'm as sick as my secrets how many secrets do I want to have just one or two okay five or 10 you're the number you get to decide I start to go I don't really want to have any how do I prove that what do you want

to know but do I tell a stranger on a social media when I'm doing a talk let's start with a counselor or a sponsor and I might even start with that before a friend because some friends won't have to keep to the same confidentiality agreements but once you've talked to a friend or whatever you know it's like I did it look I told somebody that then I slept I did a one-night stand who I felt so terrible about that but he didn't spontaneously combust look I'm still here and wait no no lightning

from the sky from God striking me dead maybe this is gonna be okay and then you tell her second and third and you get to a fourth or fifth and one of them is gonna backstab you one of them is gonna stab you in the back and tell someone else and it's gonna devastate you and it's gonna tempt you to never again open up I don't blame you for feeling that way I would recalibrate I would breathe look at my part of the lessons there discern whether that person is any longer relevant to my safe healthier life and

if not write up a letter you know bye bye or I get it it's okay and then I can just maturely say to that person listen I shared this and it looks like you did this and that doesn't work for me so I can actually choose to love you I can even choose to stay in your life and I can also choose simultaneous to say and it doesn't seem like you're quite right the person the right person for me to disclose certain things you see that's called what boundaries yeah and it's okay cuz I can have that person

in my life or not but it depends on whether I can afford it if I think they're gonna do it again and again and again I'm actually tempting fate by putting them in that position then I'm contributing to the problem so I need to look at that exploring true intimacy sexuality so I'm gonna wrap it up now and I'll say this much in the course we're going to delve into that a lot more in all kinds of different ways some some homework and some personal exploration of course but we really want

to pare it down to true true intimacy sexuality true relationship really get get to it instead of talking way over here about something distanced we want to really get to it because I just know that the talks I've done online in here the workshops we've done people are really getting it more and more so I'm starting to see the last chords and vestiges of unhealthy stuff in many people it's still sort of haunting and I'm feeling like it's time for us to say could we take the next step are more of

us brave enough to take the next step and say God and I come first unhealthy gone now not in the sense that I'm telling you everybody must go I'm talking about only unhealthy and only after you've done your best to change what you could when something cannot change learn to be mature enough to say apparently it won't make the transition with us stop trying to do CPR on a corpse of a relationship there's a point where you're like what do you know and it's like rigor mortis is set in the

person's gone the relationship is dead there's no love there's no life there's no respect they're cold and you're still wait just if I just do this for one more hour there's a point where you can't drop back sit down cry you know God I mean I was hoping this relationship would last forever why well because I loved them what if the love that it would still be there right yeah but I didn't want them to ever leave you know and think of the kids oh so it's the kids you're worried

about so let's talk about that well I didn't want to break their heart how old are they you know 55 well let's just give them permission to get over it I would work it take it through almost like a step program take it through to find out what this is really about fear of failure fear of loneliness fear of whatever you know walk it through so that you come through going wait a minute I get it it's the weirdest thing to get it in any conversation in any topic it's the weird is they it's like

there's a part of us that goes how could I have even thought these other erroneous kinds of things I get it now the relationship was convenient or the relationship was because nobody had loved me before or nobody had thought I was attractive before you know whatever stuff comes up you start to realize oh my god I realize where I might have been using that person or the relationship it's possible in any topic it could be I'm I'm paid partly for teaching at unity of Sedona I'm paid partly for

people online so what if what if something happened where I was going to lose that job is it is it just the people I'm gonna miss am I worried about the income we all need to be able to do inventory azan ourselves to see who we are and be able to say what are my priorities oh no no I want to keep the job what if what if someone came along and said you get to continues what if somewhat a financier quema Michael I'm gonna give you a million dollars to continue teaching at unity of Sedona great but here's what I want you to

teach no you know if it was something odd like not me I'd have to say no but think of the money that's what we do don't leave the relationship think of the kids well wait let's talk it through so you're telling me think of the kids which means you're you don't think they're a little too intuitive so you're actually teaching them children mommy wants to talk to you if ever in doubt bargain yourself away betray yourself stay in pain for other people you know and so on I mean I mean I was married

and loved my partner you know and my marriage and all that he has a kid I got married and there was a love and but really a lot of friendship to it really a lot of it was friendship but I can tell you that my family didn't even like me I never even talked to these people almost ever they didn't like me but they liked her so there was a part of me I had to look at eventually when I knew the relationship was over there was a part of me that knew when this ends I'm gonna catch hell from them they like her

they hate me and it's all going to be what I've screwed up I knew all that was going to come down the pike so guys that played a little part of staying married a little longer do I mind well no I just accept it I just know it and I'm okay with that it's not something I would want to choose to do it can I get it but we need to have that self inventory that ability to God just courageous disclosure about what we're doing and why not beat yourself up that you did it you know some of you might

say well I'm intimate with my partner but we're partners we're light you know where we live together we're married or whatever it is and so when they want to be intimate I want to fulfill my conjugal you know visits or I want to fulfill my marital duties partnership duty and they'll get mad and they'll I I know I know so I would instead have a conversation what should we do when one of us is into the mood and one not I would talk about this not black and white I'm never gonna do it or I'm

always gonna give in what about does that ever happen for you honey well you know sometimes what do you do it well I've to be honest you know sometimes here's what I'd like to do myself I would like to ask you if ever you're not in this space please let's not in fact and I mean this and then this is just my wording I might say to that person in fact I would be almost as fully satisfied as though we were sexual if you would say to me I would love to but today let's just exchange a hug and

and I love you okay because once we communicated I know we've agreed that it means as much as lovemaking you follow what I'm saying there as soon as we decided that was the meaning I got it so now it's a saying that I use when the dance is good the dance is enough you've you've danced with me you just said I would love to but I'm not in the space now I might even say well is it something you wanted to talk about not because I want something from you would you like to sit and talk because that's lovemaking and

if we talk and you cry that's an orgasm it's all seen differently everything true intimacy it's all seen differently people don't realize that crying is a form of an orgasm because an orgasm means a buildup and a release what do you think your tears are and the fluids to releasing it's it's beautiful and some people say oh you know Michael I had this I gotta talk to you I ruined the moment we were making love and something came up inside of me emotionally and I had this meltdown and cry I ruined the moment I'd

be like oh man that sounds sexy to me because you trusted and you cried and you were vulnerable I think it's beautiful well my partner didn't react the way you're saying it yeah they may not so I would suggest something communicate here's what happened for me and I released and it felt like a very vulnerable scary thing was it okay for you instead of assuming it wasn't they might say yeah I just didn't know what to do and I wowthat's vulnerable and I did that or they might say actually don't ever do

that again and then I would write him a letter sorry yeah yeah healing involves a lot of letter writing goodbye yellow brick road but anyway I pray this is all made sense and it can bring some pieces together and I pray that what we've shared is educational not a lecture about a workshop or class that's coming up that in itself that it makes sense any piece of tonight even if it's the pyramid concept and you grow relationships it'll change your life if you apply any one piece I think it's

fantastic stuff I swear to you I am a spiritual counselor amongst other things but I'm a spiritual counselor it's one of my hats that I wear I don't know of any counselor that I've ever heard of on this planet that's ever worked with as many people as I have and I just don't know too many people that are that effective sometimes it's very placating or it's very stale I I want to make a difference some people say that's not my business I'm just a counselor I want to keep boundaries so if you don't get it

you don't get in they keep distance from clients I wouldn't want you to be paying me for sessions if we're not making a difference so I've seen a lot of people I've worked with a lot of people I I'm you know done a lot of years of this so whether you want to think of it as experience or purely an intuitive thing or both what I can say is these things work and what I'm talking to you about in terms of it as an educational thing is what I also encourage clients to do in their actions and it makes a

difference you know really really makes a difference and I love you know that the post people put or letters they write or emails and they say you know you told me this and that some of them will say I didn't want to hear it but yeah it all happened exactly like you said you know others it'll be I got it when you said it I knew it was true and I applied it and it work and it's just fantastic stuff and some people once in a really rare occasion it was about 30-year almost 30 years ago this one incident where a gal she had a session

if she came to understand her relationship really was over and she told her partner about it but what she told him was I told her to end the relationship you know that's not cool at all it wasn't true it wasn't accurate but it also created rage you know no no external outcomes other than a hate letter or something you know and and that's really a drag now I wasn't gonna say no you know she's a the truth is she she made that decision so these things do work and what I dig most is it's all

about increasing our sense of connection to God and sense of love for ourselves this isn't linear conversation and linear advice do this or do that this it's all very natural connect with love and choose that in the way you treat yourself and these answers are all very natural then if you love God in yourself how what you do with others it's going to be very natural and it wouldn't be enabling it doesn't mean natural meaning you're just a saint and you're gonna give more than you can handle

no no no it means there's a worthiness I have a value and so do you but my value of myself comes first and then I have to consider value valuing you but if I don't value me I won't even know how to value you and if I value you and not myself it's a contradiction I'm a hypocrite and it looks selfish take care of others first know your own healthiness sobriety clarity then you'll know better how to deal with others and with more love and respect okay thank you so much for listening online and

here in person I appreciate your time and your devotion couple cool things are you know brewing so if you want to join this class we're gonna be for the next few Wednesday's that's gonna be great join us there's you know a big discount they give if you sign up by today end of today or whatever but do that if you'd like and if not that's great it's fine also we have a five a four day intensive starting on Thanksgiving and that's a waking in Christ consciousness so we're gonna do that here in person but it's

also shot out live on the internet for folks that sign up so that's a really nice intensive if you want to go deeper into the spiritual work all right all right if you need anything more from me please holler you can email me if you want private sessions you can email and I have a couple staff members that work in all the sessions for people whether it's for you or whether it's a partnership you're concerned about I just man let's let's devote let's go to it be courageous and do the work to

improve our lives all right god bless you all we'll see you peace be with you all