Dealing with Betrayal

hi there this is Michael your dad and it's time for our spiritual insights the Friday night spiritual insights with Michael Muir dad program this Friday we're talking about betrayal every human being has experienced betrayal whether their spiritual saints or whether they're humans whether they're you know our family members that seem to have brought that to us partners you know you may not have had maybe betrayal in a real extreme form or you may not have had it as often as some other people but

everybody has had some form of betrayal now the reason I know that is because most people don't even know the definition of betrayal so they might think they've escaped it basically we have in a sense two causes of betrayal one would be where someone simply betrays us meaning they act selfishly there's a common saying these days they throw us under the bus that when their needs it comes between our needs and theirs then they're gonna take care of themselves remember that concept of survival of the fittest they say it's

it's one of the most ingrained cellular things for human beings it's a primal which would also make it synonymous to some degree with an eco based the theme in our being so so we have you know survival of the fittest meaning it's it's really kind of hard to just you know stop breathing and take your own life or dunk your own head in water because there's a primal instinct 99.

9 you know percent of the time and it's because we have this cellular physiological biological thing that says I want to survive you know so at the end of the day we want to survive meaning that when it comes to you and someone else you're gonna try to breathe you're gonna try to live survive for another moment so people can be selfish because they think hey if it's between you and me it's gonna be you that goes you know that kind of unfortunate sad selfish instinct means that we're going to be

thrown under the bus so first of all there's people that just might betray us and in the debt I'm just using common terminology for this so bear with me but then what we're forgetting the second primary cause of betrayal is not just the people doing to us it's our own agendas where we want someone to think the way we want them to think like us the way we want them to like us feel the way we want them to feel we have unknown not always unknown but there often unknown agendas preferences even I would

like someone to feel a certain way even your family and family members I would like my parents to really like me and and they don't do all that you want them to do you know what that's gonna feel like betrayal so we're assigning as soon as you have an agenda a preference a liking that you want somebody to do something feel something think something that you want them to think feel saying whatever it's gonna be then that's setting them up because when they don't you feel hurt and when you feel hurt you feel betrayed

when it involves an agenda that wasn't met so you know betrayal is announced of course remember guys I understand that there are some very overt types that you go well this one doesn't sound like the one Michael just described because mine is more obvious over it it wasn't my agenda yeah I'm totally aware of that I already said that there's people that simply do acts that seem like they're just blatantly betrayal you know and oh my god you know the variations of that I've heard of that there's the common

you know cheating there's the telling someone you're going to marry them when you have no intention to and then you dump them break their heart there's betrayals of of your family you have a partner or children or whatever and you just drop them for something else that's a form of betrayal and let's not forget the directions of betrayal can be people to us us to people or what you guys already know we betray ourselves every time you've entered or stayed in a relationship that wasn't

feeling really stellar just like resonant with peace and happiness you were betraying yourself any person you ever slept with didn't really come from an organic Wow I really dig this person and being around them feel so wonderful let's take this to the next step and then the next step and grow the relationship if you did that without you know really feeling great feelings you're betrayed yourself you know any time you know you sold yourself out any time you bargained your integrity you know even you know there's

obviously you know the obvious that we also betray others so people betray us we betray others and we all have and can betray ourselves you know in so many different forms so you know it's it's a a very heavy topic because some of you feel so betrayed and and rightfully so I mean I'm not gonna negate what happened nor that it was hurtful or that you felt hurt so let's just first take a deep breath and just soak it in you know you know someone so said they were gonna you know my dad said he was gonna cosign for

a car and he he pulled out you know and left me hanging where I wasn't able to get a car that I wanted to get was a dream of mine and I wasn't able to get it you know somebody betrayed me and I've known people that that whose partners had them committed because they got away with it legally but it really should have been the other way around but you know people just ended up committed groan in this case you know women that I've known her men but grown women that have been committed because the partner wanted to make them look

crazy so that the partner said partner could end up you know signing all the papers on the house and getting everything for themselves I mean there's just like almost no limit people what people would do for themselves because they're weak and selfish remember when people act hurtfully there's a couple of things behind it they they look like the more powerful one I got her committed man I really yeah I pulled one over on her they look really like they're bigger stronger they got the more powerful

attorney they have the more money whatever it is and the truth of the matter is no matter what they look like they're older the bigger they're stronger no matter what the more hurtful people are the more weak and selfish there's three things I often describe to people that when I do sessions with them the people that have harmed you are weak selfish and took it out on you betrayal included and just sit with that for a moment how many people if ever anybody's ever betrayed you tune into that concept yeah you know I can see it

weak selfish and they took it out on me you know at the end of the day you know you you hang around certain people and it's like wow wow they're gonna let me hang out with them and you know then they look out for themselves they found somebody better at the party and they left you there and they went out with somebody else or you know just whatever kinds of crazy things people may have done just be aware just sit and just counter it with wait weak selfish and they took it out on me so that you can put some perspective instead of just

hurt instead of just pleading with you nurses how could they why could weak and selfish took it out on me you could even process this you know so matically you do a gestalt kind of an experience take a tennis racquet and whack on a pillow you know the flat part of the racket bam bam you know or just your fists if you want or just face in a pillow and just say it just say it's selfish selfish selfish get that out of your system that's exactly what happened you're so weak and you were selfish and you took it out on me and repeat that

put your face in a pillow bam bam just that out because it's very cathartic I'm not telling you to hate anybody as much as it may sound like that no I know full well what I'm saying get that part out get that primal hurt out so that so that we don't go off on to lala land and start talking about planting flowers in your aura with you really just hurting inside we don't want toxic waste in the soil and you're trying to you know put flowers in your aura you know it's just gonna kill them we need to get that

other and spit it out spew it out vomit it out cry it out sigh it out just a nice visceral exercise and it's also true and if anybody ever harmed you in any way they were actually weak and selfish should do I don't care what they've done they could have raped you molested you verbally abused you it was all the same weak selfish took it out on you that's it that's that's the the gist of what's behind hurtful behavior you know I'm talking about the theme of what's behind it now you could

also go further and say well and then this happened to them and they were you know acting out because they were taught to act out you know there's all the psychology of I'm not going in that I'm just talking about the themes so no matter what helped bring him to that place no matter what brought them to a place of being so weak so selfish and tending to take it out on others including you I'm not you know I'm just looking at the theme of it so just get that and you'll find you know wow when I

when I look at my life and I can see that perspective weak selfish it really when I look to the left look to the right look up look down I can see a common thing that's kind of it weak selfish took it out on others so then you breathe and that's not how to heal that's how to put perspective so that the wounds don't have as much you know of a grip instead no I get it yep being weak yeah I get it it's selfish and so on it'll really really help me you know things make sense you know you'll you'll

probably have heard of examples you know Jesus Jesus was betrayed not just by Judas Jesus technically was betrayed any of his friends all but John actually ran away from and and women Mary Magdalene mother Mary they were all to cross with him the other guys all took off the tough guys I mean the tough guys because really those who look so tough sometimes aren't and those guys man they they hightailed it out of there they went me and in a room as you heard it Gospels or scriptures they went and hid away you

know and john ii was afraid the women - - were having to watch out for things but the ones that approached and stayed at the cross and the women that went to his tomb all that really happened John Mary Martha and mother Mary they were all there at the cross so they all betrayed him technically but we know you know Judas did the overt betrayal but remember two types of betrayal overt covert the obvious and the not so obvious and believe it or not the not so obvious is far more rampant than the obvious because people don't know the

definition of betrayal it's anytime someone acted selfishly against us or towards us so when the Apostles did even the ones that didn't overtly turn Jesus in when it came to standing up for him they didn't that's a form of betrayal because they allowed little self to be more important than higher self so I can do that to you I can do that to myself and others can do that to me any time any of us has allowed the little self to win out over the importance of the higher self it's a form of betrayal whether it's our to

ourselves or from someone or towards someone so the Apostles betrayed Jesus but what's important I'm describing betrayal all the from the ground in from the downwards all the inner roots of it but the higher ground of betrayal I didn't talk about yet although Jesus was clearly betrayed he says in of course of miracles as well he didn't see it that way and this is really kind of cool for those who have eyes to see and ears to hear and minds to become aware when Jesus was betrayed here's what he did

well let's see likely you're going to do this when this happens so instead of seeing this is one of the things a Jen does are mostly what caused the greatest part of betrayal see if i betray you and you have autonomy you have interdependence you're centered and you don't have any agendas with me I can betray you but you don't even notice it you don't even care because you weren't wrapped up in it 90% of your betrayals that happened to you or any other form like I said but let's just

talk about the ones towards you anybody that ever betrayed you I'm telling you 90% of the hurt was what they didn't do that he wanted them to do what they didn't feel that you wanted them to feel and so on and so on it's the agendas the preferences the desires that wants our needs had you had none the hurt would have been 90% less because you would have had some little people doing little things with their little minds and you would have been like it just doesn't seem to have much of an effect

I'm just so clear I didn't need them to be something they weren't I didn't need them to pretend or do or this with whatever it happened to be you just found yourself to be like pretty centered so Jesus was like I didn't perceive it that way and Jesus went so far not not only did he get betrayed and dealt with it like you and I have in our lives he dealt with it in a different way first of all he wasn't needy enough to let it be an actual betrayal he didn't just I am NOT being betrayed I am

NOT being betrayed it's not like he countered it with positive affirmations guys he countered it by being immune meaning he he wasn't invested he didn't need anything from them so when they betrayed by human standards he was like what I don't get it so they're doing what well look what Judas did to you so Jesus went one step further though he not only was kind of like autonomous and clear no agendas no needs he went one step further which was since you're likely gonna do this how can I use that to my benefit and in fact

to the benefit of the greater good so Judas was gonna basically do it he was he was a certain type of person that was going to do what he did whatever we're not talking about the reasons and whether it was justified or not Judas did sell him out there's no doubt about that so when Judas sells him out Jesus already knows he's gonna do it Jesus tells him that the Last Supper hey that thing you're gonna do Judas is like what what thing what you know what do you mean hey you know that thing why don't you just go do it and Judas was

like what like you you're you seriously you want me to go do it oh so I have your permission but in which he didn't so from an ego earthly standpoint he was really playing the game here and trying to justify what he was doing but Jesus knew and said go ahead because Jesus was thinking let's see so I need basically something to help me get to the place where people are gonna murder me and that way I can resurrect so and since Judas is going to do this it's not like Jesus put him in a trance and made him a

naughty guy this was his tendency and so Jesus was just like I have an idea since you're gonna probably be that kind of person I think I'll use that because I'm gonna go anyway I'm gonna be crucified you'd be just the right person so in a sense Jesus used not used in the sense that harmfully used he used him because he knew that's what he was going to do so he just took advantage and rode the wave if that makes sense it's hard to explain it more detail and it's profound so if you think about

it it's like when people have asked me okay so I've shared it before so real quick yeah as a kid I would think why why is my family why do they betray me why did they wai-wai-wait because I'm a kid wondering because a kid wants to know you know did I do something like I'm just a kid and they don't like me I'm like ten I haven't I haven't done anything to be disliked but so it doesn't make sense to the child mind but when I grew older and I suggest you do this too you can it

takes it really takes a lot of courage though I thought you know I asked you to watch out for this but I sat and said instead of why and bummer as though it had power I thought well what really is the opposite well they would have embraced me more and so on and then what if that would have happened what if what if I would have gotten everything I would have wanted even as a soul as a child if I would have gotten what I wanted well then I probably would have been more of that family and I probably would have you know been more of a part

and more involved and more stuck in that thing I mean these people there are the brothers sisters siblings parents they all live in the same track of homes I mean they're like houses from each other which is not a bad thing per se but it can be a very codependent thing for some forms of families healthy families it would be a very beautiful thing but for most families it wouldn't be and so these people all live within houses of each other and if I could be that and be their religion and be their I just stop

and go I wouldn't which means I'm gonna need to take responsibility and say maybe because I didn't want to be part of a stick of some kind some thing an ism maybe it was actually perfect that I chose a family that wasn't gonna connect with me it might may have hurt but what I have changed it no I would not like to be a kid in pain like that nor would I wish pain upon a child like that true but if right now I had to choose of pushing a button you know totally connected to that family I wouldn't be

here teaching I would have been too afraid to break away I mean they told me many many many years ago you moved away you're not part of us anymore you're out of the will and that sort of thing because I moved away so if I had to do it differently to be in the will and to be you know and all their family reunions whatever it is I wouldn't be here right now because I wouldn't be allowed I would have been told don't you not allowed to do that you're not allowed to leave you have to accept certain jobs certain things

certain ways to raise your children and so on you know so doing things differently following God as a guide was a preference you would have to find out it's not an easy thing always but you'd have to find out say to yourself if there were betrayals for example you had a partner betray you and they split and all that I'm going to tell you if I were you I would say there's a possibility that this relationship either a wasn't meant to be together and meant to happen or be it was supposed to already be over

and you were dragging it on or C or D and go on and look at these variations of possibilities because what I'm saying is it's possible the betrayal happened as an exit the the hard way the dramatic way if we learned the easy way the hard way doesn't have to happen so I would just do your best to kind of say well is it possible well at work man I got betrayed and they fired me and put somebody else in my place okay if it were me I would really do some soul-searching to ask myself is it possible that I was done with the job I

mean is it possible that I really didn't want to be there anymore or that I was meant to be doing something else that's what I mean by the responsibility by the courage it takes to see how you might have been betraying yourself and since you didn't get it you know someone else dramatized it more you know dramatically I guess you could say so Jesus chose not to see these things as betrayals he also chose not to see them as betrayals because he's saying if I see it as a betrayal then you have to be a bad person like in

other words convicted of betrayal if I say he betrayed me then as soon as I say you did it you're convicted of it and I don't want anybody convicted I want them all free and if I can demonstrate love forgiveness and give them freedom they might actually grab hold of the tail of that comet and write it into changing their lives and not acting so betraying like you know that in the past it's not that he's being stupid or naive he knows that people are acting up but he's just saying we can make a difference by not

seeing it the way most people would see it meaning victim and drama and I'll never have a life not because of what you've done instead you got a snapback you got to come out of the you know tomb and rise into a new life again so you know betrayal is just a very interesting thing I remember I'm starting this talk with be sad be and cry and scream and and let us hold you and you know I'm sorry that that stuff happened let's say that to each other instead to ourselves process the betrayal the first half of

it is the inner that guts the healing don't try to jump to the second part when you're not ready for it yet if you still need to cry cry see a counselor 12-step it whatever you need to do to process properly for you do it please do it and then part two of it is I'm starting to now I moved organically towards a spiritual part of the process I worked through it the internal personal and then I naturally got to appointed that like a bridge over the hump to now a spiritual perspective and that too is a process you know it's not

like I just suddenly saw angels and I'm all done with the betrayal it's just that I start to have these new epiphanies first tears and yucky stuff and then all of a sudden oh my god I get it someone left me but I was done with them anyway we we shouldn't have been together you know you start having these you know tears here and almost like laugh over here it's it's the strangest thing but in a beautiful way so remember that there's the overt and the covert and the covert the unseen usually parts of

betrayal they're far more common so we could just talk about and there's you know many out there I think probably talks and live things and whatever you know workshops and presentations where people just talk about you know someone betrayed you and they're jerks and and you're a wonderful soul and they they try to empower that in you and make you a victim and then they're gonna try to kind of inflate you into a better person there's a bit of that going on out there then there's people that just you know

teach educate betrayal well it comes from a person who's got inner child wounds and they haven't yet gotten it together and once they see through that then they'll be able to you know and and it kind of is an intellectual view of why people betray what I'm dealing with is this I'm telling you the human stuff and the spiritual stuff the human perspective that it hurts that people do it and why they do it weak selfish taking out I take it out in you and then how to view it and realize if I hadn't

been so invested 90% of it wouldn't have been there believe it or not and that there's overt and covert kinds of forms of betrayal but but honestly had I not had a void inside and neediness and put you in that position I know that they screwed you around I know that I'm sorry about that I get that but I'm saying the more we grow the more we're not invested with them we don't we don't need them to be whatever it is we thought we needed them to be so many years of counseling and people and seeing how at first they

come and they're so sad and so forth but really empowerment doesn't come from encouraging people to be ticked off and hurt and then angry and that's it that's not empowerment and empowerment doesn't come from you through anger like finding yourself the real empowerment comes wisdom to awakening you know just awakening your mind opens and you go I got it I'm intelligent spiritually intelligent enough to now understand what this is about this is a game people play it I get what they're about what they're doing and I'm

gonna I'm going to develop an immunity to it through my spiritual growth and Wow you know what it you know just what a difference that makes in our lives next time around you realize I'm here to share a healthy relationship with a healthy person and I'm gonna let you know I have no interest in somebody that messes around physically emotionally on me or whatever you know messes around with me you're either in the relationship and you know I mean I'm not saying you have there you know there are

variations we might be committed monogamous we might be dating we might be life mates there's all these variations but whatever we are be true to that particular thing and you know being able to say to somebody okay look I'll tell you what I'm ready for monogamy now what do you think and they say yeah absolutely then you can say to them and I want to make it clear don't say yes if you're not interested in monogamy if I want monogamy let's have monogamy but if at any time you deviate I'm done I'm not

interested such a clear head and such clear boundaries I'm not interested see so there's not really a letdown and even if somebody's lying lying lying and you get hurt you have to stop and say the amount of hurt I felt is proportionate to how invested I got with you saying I'm here for you and only you you know I would just you know even if I felt a little hurt I'd be done my clarity keeps me from feeling the the here comes the the wave of oh my god what you've done to me and oh my god you you wounded me

and you betrayed me that makes the person that is the weak selfish acting out person powerful over you do you really want to be lesser than a weak selfish acting out person I hope not so if you want to realize no no now I don't want that kind of person to have seeming power so let me just wake up and realize that you know what I'm I'd rather be alone and honest then with a person and have dishonesty so learning to be able to say you know not interested you know just not my thing all every kind of person that you know

wasn't very kind might have been betraying I need to look at my agendas with it but every form remember my definition guys of trauma is not based on typical psychology trauma you know it's not typical biological trauma trauma is very simple the true definition of trauma is anything that lacks loves presence and people that want to be and intellectuals about this they they don't get that and they wouldn't because it's talking about love and love is God so that might be a little much for them but if trauma is

anything that lacks love loves presence then betrayal in a sense is going to be a form of trauma but it's gonna be a trauma we're in it felt like I had Love's presence but it was maybe over with or maybe all along it was a facade a facade whatever was it was there and then gone and I felt like whoa the rug was pulled out from under me and again how invested I was then having that rug under my feet that you said I was handsome or pretty and nobody's ever said that so I really needed you and you

pulled the rug out see my need for you to like me was far greater than it really needed to be I just forgot that I was you know attractive at all spiritually or physically or whatever and I got invested in you thinking I'm attractive so I gave you the power to pull a rug out I set you up with that possibility what I needed to do is at first you know I oh my god they think I'm you know prettier whatever and that's kind of cool okay fine oh they think I'm successful they think a lot of me they a good teacher I'm a good person

whatever it is that flatters us we have to realize I got it they they were making me feel that but I better be careful and own that for myself I just am I just am a good person I'm glad they mirrored that to me but they're not the source of it they were just eight like all things on planet Earth temporary resource of that that's all and instead we we own it we go I just him I mean God created me I'm a perfect glorious beautiful being I need to own that for myself and not sit there in life going I'm just nothing nothing

and somebody comes along and says you know hey can I give you the time of day oh oh my god they like me you know it's I've seen people in partnerships get straight away because someone gave them attention and people not in relationships go through the same thing it's just our own sense of lack getting kind of played upon by those who have their own weakness that they realized I'm so weak not like this other person I'm talking about here but the others like perpetrators and predators they're

like I'm so weak that I get off on making others think that they're better people when I'm around so in a sense they're using us to make themselves feel more you know wonderful guys that you know the little notches on their belt you know yeah I look how many people I've had it's actually you know and I've seen some of the predator males and females predators that they just get off on it's like almost like a love addiction it's it's a it's an a form of addiction that's a euphoria just a quick

example one I've shared before somewhere along the line the considered to be the better-looking of the BG brothers and he actually came to realize one day and fest up and kind of work worked on some healing he actually had a love addiction he would actually walk around with you know rings in his pocket so that he could I mean rings plural in his pocket readily available so that women that were like ah oh it's him it's him he would you know schmooze them maybe dangle eyes you have a little drink or dinner or something

and then proposed because he got so high on the oh my god you know that get brother and popular and disco and oh my god and he likes me and then he'd be done with him to move on because the euphoria can only last so long so did he betray them or did they already betray themselves you know think about it guys praying that this is making sense and that it's been helpful the Cure autonomy and coming to realize your own value yes your spiritual development through prayer and meditation yes your personal development through continued

self-healing and setting better boundaries in your life and third when it comes to others communicate and take your time in relationships pace yourself you know communicate well and not bargain yourself away and so forth you know just pace yourself a spiritual a personal and towards others a good relationship as a person just bring a healthier person and you're much much safer in terms of future betrayals but past ones he'll cry scream process counsel therapy whatever process don't numb it don't stuff it don't sweep it

under the rug process it then bring it towards a healing of the spiritual nature after the personal nature bring it towards a spiritual perspective start having the courage to have epiphanies in you know into yeah I can see where I played this I can see where I was hiding from my real self behind this person I was afraid of owning you know like I shared one time when I moved I moved to the Pacific Northwest from Southern California at one point and when I moved I moved only for a short period like a months I think it was and then I went

back to Southern California and got some things together and did some other things and then after a year so I moved to the northwest and that was it for the rest of my life until I came to Sedona and so it was many many years however why did I go once and then back home and then out again because the first time I went was a friend of mine was moving and I didn't have the courage to just move on my own with a you know fairly new wife and child so I was - I mean I was a kid really I was I don't know what age 20 or

something but I was still a kid and afraid frankly what do i do what do you do when you move you know and all that it was just very intimidating but what if friends a damn moving oh well there we go so in a sense I used them as a vehicle to go and that was a very that's why some things didn't go well when we moved when I moved you know a lot of things fell apart went back home why because that's symbolic of going back to where you started recalibrate then do it again when I did it again you know far far different I

went to the same area again that I had moved just because it was familiar and I only did that for a couple of years at the most and then moved where it was really me so understand we make decisions out of frailty fear intimidation whatever just own it you know just don't go out you know I could see why that relationship didn't work you know I was using the person sometimes and it's very hard to own sometimes guys it really is it's very hard to you know you might feel ashamed you might feel like defensive if you

feel defensive then it's probably true that this happened and you need to look at that so do what you can with it all okay thank you so god bless you all peace be with you bye-bye