Commitment: The Real Story

hello guys welcome back this is our friday night spiritual insights presentation my name is michael mirdad so thanks for joining us uh in a nutshell today we're going to talk about commitment it's it's such a charged word um you know in previous years people would say it's a charged word because you know it was about people being commitment phobic right that people that were afraid of relationship commitment now you know after all these years that have passed since that became a buzz phrase there's a lot more people that use the

word more expansively than just relationships i mean people don't really understand what commitment means i mean honestly at the end of the day uh i think it's a major statement what are your priorities commitments are a statement to the universe what our you know priorities might be um i mean we all live with commitments let's face it a commitment to do to do this presentation you know at 5 30 you know on fridays and commitments to whatever jobs you have commitments to the children or whatever else it happens to be but

basically we could divide commitments into there's healthy commitments and then there's ego based unhealthy commitments because what i'm saying is that the word commitment would mean basically you know getting it all back to what are you invested in what are you committed to that phrase of commitment again there it comes in there but what are you dedicated to what are your priorities and so on interchange those words and it helps us understand commitment doesn't just mean like a partnership um your comm every word you say is a

commitment of some kind when you say oh i can't stand that such and such that's a commitment of a sort it's you're stating a a law basically so so think about that watch your commitments there's a phrase in the bible wherever your heart is there will your treasure be as well you know um and vice versa wherever your treasure is there's your heart meaning whatever you value your soul has an investment in it even if it's an unhealthy thing you're invested in it you may not want to think that but you know there's

there's an investment of some kind commitments far more than just referring to like i said partnerships it's it's whatever has your attention even just your attention is i'm committed to hey what's that i just made a subtle commitment to knowing more about that and again you can have a commitment to sobriety to watching your favorite show or commitment to work friends projects and so on i mean it is a minor level of commitment anything that majorly has your attention is a major commitment of some kind um in a way

in a way a commitment sort of like at its very foundation when if commitments first being made consciously or unconsciously it's like a way of saying i'm going to get the ball rolling on that i'm gonna give that some attention which then also means some investment now i might only put two percent investment and they go okay done cut the tie to that consciously you're unconscious you know not interested now maybe the commitment's not there that's fine because you took time to see if it works what most people do though

is they put their attention commitment on something then sometimes decide oh never mind and they leave that thread out there floating rather than being so conscious and aware that you say done done got it done you know it's completed cord cutting so to speak most people leave that energy just kind of floating out there and that's as you know if you've seen any of my talks i call that leaks it creates leaks in our energy field but you know it call it a commitment calls us to shift from talking about something

to action a little more action at first it's just energy i'm putting attention on something but then the more commitment i make the more i have to shift from talking to walking you know walking the walk or taking action you you know we also demonstrate the strength or weaknesses our strengths and weaknesses can show up in our commitments for example if you tell your child hey listen that's unhealthy you don't want to do that i'm not going to have you doing that or else there's going to be unhealthy

consequences but you got to be prepared to follow up or it's going to show your commitment to a weakness of yourself that you have of your character you're actually committing to showing your weakness oh man that doesn't sound very good right people do it all the time so when you say you watch out you know you do that and then there's consequence you say to a child and then you don't do anything about it man you have blown it you have shown tenacity and and commitment to character flaw to weakness

you know that really messes a child's mind up you know abuse to a child is the worst thing that you can do that is abusive or hurtful to a child but the second most abusive thing you can do to a child is a lack of commitment a lack of follow-through a lack of boundaries you don't you know when we say the word boundary when you say i'm setting boundaries if you don't stick to them they're not boundaries because boundaries are healthy they're they're complete in a sense they're not words

a real boundary is not it's neither a wall but it's also not air it's not abstract a boundary is like somewhere in between those two in it it's stated and then it's like here's where i'm at and you know i can flex a little with a boundary but a boundary is like here's where i'm at don't be going somewhere else or i'm not interested and if i'm in charge and i'm not interested and i'm driving the car like metaphor of leading a family if i'm driving the car

and i'm not interested in doing the off ramp at this time then we're not taking the off ramp you know we're needing to be somewhere in 10 minutes and it's 10 minutes away we're not stopping to go to an amusement park or whatever else you know might be a metaphor for getting distracted so you know it's like it's like the universe is telling us don't even open your mouth if you're not going to stick to your word your boundaries and so forth and so sometimes we get our butts kicked by not

sticking to our statements and our commitments and you know we think that's bad but the universe is just saying hey listen if you're not getting it then we'll show it to you in a more dramatic way that what you're doing is not okay you know i mean i i can remember times weakness in commitments um and times when there was strength to commitment i mean i remember a time in high school where a guy was doing some unhealthy things um to to friends of mine and um and i told him you know not to do that well he sort of

called me out you know as a commitment hey you have a problem with it step up and i'm like well crap now i'm now i'm out there right uh where's my commitment to hey you're not going to do that to friends of mine so he calls me oh you know we're meet me tomorrow at noon and we're going to fight i'm like fine whatever you know um and i made a commitment so i showed up and fortunately he didn't you know he's a great guy but but really he was you know drugs were i think getting the best of him at this time and

it was getting he was getting a little out of control and otherwise we had a great time we hung out now and then but this was just over the top and you know i think after this we weren't as close but uh we weren't close close friends but we weren't even as close as the little bit we were um but he's i think he's the only high school friend guy i knew that i've taught that i've talked to since he found me on the internet and said oh my god is that you know is that you i can't believe i found you and

and then was telling me about how he um he too was into spirituality in high school you know and he was kind of now he's confessing it now that he knows i'm open to that sort of thing i always was but you know here he was closet you know new age or whatever as much as you could be that in high school back in the mid 70s or whatever so that sort of thing happened and it was kind of a bummer but i made a commitment it's like oh crap now i'm i'm committed to stepping up and doing something about this and you know

i guess you could say it worked out um you know and um there's things like that i remember and i shared this with some friends online somewhere recently but i remember a time where um a really odd thing because in a holiday um you know there there was this family tension and that sort of thing but what was really strange is it happened on occasion with the holidays and just about every other day where my dad you know my human father blew a fuse uh acted i thought i said something that i didn't now he was committed because now he was like

accusing me now instead of being wrong he's like in his mind somewhere oh you know what am i going to do he wasn't there he there yet but he was he was going to get to this point where he's like oh but he was committed he was just committed he was committed to being a jerk in general so he flipped out and smacked me and threw me out the door i think i was probably 18 1820 somewhere in there threw me out the door and he did this in other instances too one time uh he he he he i talked to him when he was

out of town and and he said um how's this job because he pulled strings to get me a job that he wanted me to have when i was 18. and i hated that job i didn't want to have anything to do with it but he forced finally i said i gotta quit i don't i can't i'm not happy he said if you quit be out of my house when i get home so two days later i was out of his house now he was committed to his threat you see but then he looked bad to people for throwing his kid out i was actually underage so he he looked bad now

he resented me later he told me you know i resented you because you you left the house when you were a kid i said you throw me out no i didn't he committed to it and you have people in your life that have committed to tantrums and turning their back on you or throwing you under the bus or gossiping about you and it's like once they get the ball rolling it's a commitment and commitments are like contracts they're like sole contracts in a sense and people can feel embarrassed or humiliated to try to change tracks

once they're rolling that track and so that time when he threw me out of the house uh during the holiday somehow by the time i got home and i was a little upset but confused man like wow and got home and then i get this phone call someone had told him that wasn't michael who said that now he was committed to hating me so in his mind it was already going to be michael but it wasn't michael so now he feels bad do you think he threw the other person out no it was me that he would throw out not somebody else so all he could do for me

is because now he's humiliated but this is one of the few times he had to take a breath call you know humble himself and say you know i'm sorry it was like maybe twice that i can recall in his life my life with him but he said i'm sorry um you know come on back and i'm like no you know i mean not only to punish him i mean i'm like i felt humiliated it looked stupid to go back after getting smacked and thrown out the door it's all a scene i'm not gonna go back he said no no you have to i'm gonna look

bad if you don't so for his own you know how i'm gonna look kind of thing i went ahead and went back it i you know it was the okay thing to do you could think it definitely it could be enabling but it was okay because turning something around was worth it you know in that moment at least that time you know so got to be careful i've used tools of commitment with people friends students that start to you know look because everybody does this three all relationships have three stages the beautiful stage the things fall

apart stage and then the if you survive that stage which most people don't reach it's usually one and two they reach so there's times when even students are going to go man michael's wondering i like this guy he's a teacher wonderful wonderful whatever his books his teachings wow they're all wild something something i say a look a misunderstanding a gossip whatever i remember one time i was on tour and some lady had a session and then she uh she booked it she was like oh michael you're amazing

when i had the session i sat down with her you know so how's it going you know and there was a different vibe with her and i'm thinking this is like a completely different person from just yesterday when she booked her session and at the end of the session i found out why and she said so how do you feel about things i'm like uh things oh good life no but i mean about like the internet issues i don't know what internet issues you know well i saw somebody was saying rude things on one of your posts

you know about you and i'm like i don't i don't even know about that but in her mind what she was doing was fishing she was searching for i really like this guy there's got to be something i can find it that's going to you know sober me up that's what people do so she was committed to finding something she found some arbitrary thing that some person said that was ludicrous and then decided to try to try it on me to push on me with it to see can you make me fall out of love with you as a

teacher you know i don't mean love love but i mean can you make me fall out of love out you know lose respect for you in some way because this is confusing me having so much respect for somebody they did this to jesus too i mean when he wrote into jerusalem at the end everybody was singing praises i mean the sun barely went down barely went down i mean a couple days later they were crucifying him and the same people were chanting crucify this guy how can people go from such love and adoration to such hatred it's

really really surreal if nothing else all right so sorry my phone sometimes goes off so um you know i would just say what i do with students sometimes is just i'll just push the envelope a little sometimes i'll just say to them look you know you've asked me three times about something go there or don't go there you know love me or hate me just make a decision make a commitment show where you're at jesus did that with judas and others in his in the stories and gospels but with judas he did the same thing

look you're going to do this just go do it you know make your commitment you're here or there just don't be on the fence anymore right so it's just something that i you know i've done at times and i've also shared a time last sunday i shared a story where a couple came to me for counseling and they were just dilly dallying playing these like weird um psychobabble pop psychology games with each other well i'm just feeling that you're not honoring me well i'm feeling da da and

and i'm just like oh my god i'm i'm like in some psycho babble ping pong game you know then i just went for it and told them both hey i didn't tell you this but one of you told me this relationship's over and they both got whoa it just blasted him blew it all out of the water then i told him afterwards you know that i made that up which i did but you know because it was the right thing to do done with the games what if this is over now you both think it's over how do you feel can you live with it being over

and you know after kind of looking at that because it's the shock but then it's it's as though it happened it ended for all intents and purposes they thought it was over and um you know because we took a break and i told them that i was talking about them which i did do but i didn't tell them that i didn't actually hear one of them say they were quitting the relationship i just said that's what i heard but i didn't you know it wasn't true um and so the other thought it was the other and so it blew it all under the

water now they're sitting there going wow what if it is over and they realized especially one of them yeah i could live with this being over this is actually unconsciously i've been engaged in a sick kind of game that's been going around and around and so now they were you know willing to sober up and come out of that so um their commitments again are like soul contracts but there is a clause there really is there's kind of a clause that you can use it's just like breaking soul contracts i mean

if you see that a commitment is unhealthy you're allowed and encouraged by all that is love and life to say you know what this isn't working anymore but don't just let them kind of fade and sit there as dangling chords try to see them for what they are and end them if you can try to see them for what they are okay just something to keep in mind guys um you know you know what what else can i say about uh commitments i mean i'm i'm not trying to come across like i'm speaking that there's only such

thing as negative commitments we all know that there's a couple of types of commitments we know that you know so so be it but you know there's far too many unhealthy commitments that people make i mean it's the weirdest thing um they make commitments out of convenience which i think is going to have to be a talk i do completely separate topic uh just on the topic of convenience so we'll do that sometime but um you know whether when you make decisions try to recognize you're making a commitment when you make a decision i'm

going to take this job or that job it's sort of a commitment so ask yourself when you're making decisions what if i call this a commitment because that might make you go ooh i don't mind settling but when you use the word commitment it starts to feel kind of weird that might be you know a major sign guys that this isn't for you if you start to get uh squeamish when you know you use the word commitment like to a relationship a partnership or whatever people just don't realize that energetically you are putting your

attention on something so you're committing to it to some degree now how much can you afford can you afford to put your commitment now even though we think of commitment as absolute in stone i do marriage contract i do job contract i do whatever it isn't it's all the things you put your attention on become small commitments but then can also grow into huge commitments but ask yourself if this is a commitment how do i feel about well it's not a commitment it's just a small amount of that it's still a commitment how do you feel

or do you feel differently when you use a little more serious terminology for it and like i said if you feel squeamish it's something to reconsider all right um when i think of um you know let me add another phrase to this another concept it doesn't mean that just because we selfishly want to make or break commitments you get away with it when i said you could break them that doesn't mean you can go oh look i told somebody i would go on a trip with them commitment and you know my guides are telling me i guess i just won't go

it doesn't mean you should loosely harm people by dumping commitments and breaking commitments left and right i'm not saying that at all so please do not even try to go there because that's the opposite of what i would ever encourage i'm not saying you should go on that trip such a trip um not wanting to either i think it's something you need to take responsibility for and talk about you know um telling your friend because they're all packed up they're ready to go and you decided you

know uh gee i guess not um no it's it's not appropriate that's why all these comedians you know so often comedians have made jokes about commitments in new year's resolution i mean a new year's resolution should not be a common joke it's a commitment why are we making jokes about breaking new year's resolutions and that's what their comedians are saying they're not making jokes about people keeping them they're making jokes about people breaking them because that's what usually happens so

it's really really strange but you know commitments are vows of sorts for lack you know of a better or other term if we just narrowed it down you call it a vow call it a soul contract they're all kind of the same they're all very very similar they have to do with you saying to the universe here's where i am but then next thing you know i didn't say that the universe hears it the universe is the acacia records it has complete video and audio evidence of all your commitments you you should not even want to

break commitments unnecessarily again there's re-time and place for them if you see something's unhealthy yeah you might have to back out of that but don't make commitments keep your mouth shut don't tell your kids you're going to have consequences if you're not going to bring them out those consequences don't say you're going to go on a trip if you're not we make mistakes then apologize and make amends okay and recognize what commitments have you made guys that are more for your higher good

what commitments have you made that are really more ego based the ones that are no longer for your higher good are never were for your higher good i would just say i'm committed to healthiness and i've told a lot of people to say that to family members you don't want to say i'm committed you're not you just say here's where i'm at i'm really really working on being a healthier person see that almost implies that i'm taking a little of the hit if anything's gone awry in our

relationship yeah i'm really working on being healthier and being a better person what you're what you're basically saying is this family is so messed up you know i'm out of here but you don't say that you talk about you and you talk about the changes you're making because that's true you are trying to make changes and commitments towards a better life a different life um even when people don't think they made commitments not making a commitment is still a commitment in many cases

because you're still and you'll pay dearly the universe it brings that stuff back with interest rates because it's trying to say honey would you consider please not making commitments to things that are unhealthy and we just don't hear it don't hear it don't hear it don't hear it bam then all of a sudden we're like wow now i'm committed to being sick or broken down or financially destitute because people don't trust me anymore because of the unhealthy commitments you're constantly making

you can say uh yeah there's such a thing as committing to sobriety or you know being clean and sober but there's also a commitment you made to be an addict you would think that's not really a commitment it is you put your attention on it and you're you're damn committed to it man you are people that are addicts often are they would die rather than let that commitment go i know the word doesn't fit well for some because you think of commitments as typically jobs and and or positives anything

you're putting your attention on that you're stuck on you're committed to i'm i seem to be hell-bent on that addiction and that's the same thing as a commitment so i would say this guy's in in starting to close healthy commitments commitments are always about the self going attention or whatever in one direction or another but but um if if i'm trying to improve my sense of commitments to clean up my commitments make them healthier uh then keep that in mind you're really wanting to make

commitments towards a healthier self versus an unhealthier self use that measure and it'll save you lots and lots of trouble and time just use that measure does this feel if this is a commitment does this feel like a commitment towards my healthy self or unhealthy self and that will help just kind of split the waters right down down the middle and if you're going to make commitments sometimes be careful not to do grandiose commitments or grand commitments because typically they're hard to live up to you crash

and then you're committed to being a failure subconsciously you're consciously you're now fated or committed yeah this is this happens all the time i make these great ideas these great plans i'm going to get a soul's purpose job i can't wait till i meet the perfect person oh i met somebody and now we're dating crash crash crash it never goes well for me i'm a failure that's now a commitment a vow to be a failure so why don't you instead make commitments that you can use that work make commitments for your

real healthy self so make manageable doses i'm going to cut back on this instead of i'll never do that again you know what drinker bent over a toilet bowl hasn't made that commitment never again will i drink it's short-lived it's left as a cord hanging out there and you're right back to it when you sober up or your friends call so there's got to be more of a measured doses guys because that's what you would do for a child so do it for yourself you wouldn't tell a child let's do

something you can't do it's too much for you and if you did you're a hurtful person just let's keep it manageable honey let's try this hey look you did it wow teaching the kid to tie a shoe you know the first well you're halfway there you know good job credit accomplishment rather than you know the screw-ups and and say get it all done right at once without me showing you stages of it that that's too much and if you wouldn't do it to them i wouldn't do it to yourself okay so um i appreciate your time and

that you guys are enough into self-help that you would watch shows like this it's you know it's beautiful remember simple things like give yourself measured doses relationships stop telling somebody i do forever try let's do this now and give ourselves measured doses can we date for a few months and see how about we check back in such and such a date you know january 1st or june for july first whatever and check in and see if this is really working grow it grow it because that's healthy that's the healthy way to do it

don't just pump out kids you know have kids and not know if if it's really working are you loving each other as partners before you bring a child forth and then did that child did it work out was there a lot of love was there a lot of happiness you know test things before you go further when you eat stop and breathe long enough to see if you feel full instead of i'm not full until i complete this bowl how do you know most stomachs are satisfied before the mind even knows it because you're eating too fast and it takes a moment

for that that vibe of okay here we are we're feeling full you go too far and you feel upset stomach or whatever it happens to me with alcohol with drugs or whatever too far what do you think overdosing is too much try measured doses it's okay to take an aspirin or two when you have a headache depending on the prescription or suggested dosage so it's okay but really do you go one headache's still there two headaches three you know really you know and in 60 seconds you've got 60 of them in you it doesn't make sense

but that's what people do i'm committed to losing this headache no you're committed to taking too many pills pace yourself i'm committed to healthiness let me take one or two oh it says this might take 30 minutes to kick in that's healthy it's okay if you got to take an aspirin take it but in a healthy way it's okay to be in a relationship pace yourself check it out check in i mean i'm not saying sometimes the magic's there from day one but don't say there's magic yeah i just

also you know uh uh lost my partner you know they passed away yesterday um and my life's been terrible i uh can't make my mortgage but i'm really in a desperate place but that's that's nothing to do with it i'm just in love so let's get married today it doesn't make any sense feel the magic enjoy it but pace it hey can we try this out for a little while this feels pretty cool that's maturity it really is that's maturity oh then we make longer term commitments and longer term and just because

a client said a few days ago in a session um i've been looking for my soul's purpose and you'll know who you are because you're probably watching i've been looking for my soul's purpose but this specific client said and and i haven't found it well what have you done and i asked some questions and they they talked about a project they did a job they created a business they opened and it was all the elements of their soul's purpose were there but because well that can't be it

because it ended see that is dangerous you should put a timeline on it i'm going to do this for a year two years whatever and it's perfectly done oh my god congratulations god goddess you accomplished something which many people don't even get to know what a soul's purpose is because they choose not to know but you did it and you pulled it out for years good job and they failed that they accidentally which is not an accident because that's the ego infiltrating the mind made themselves think it's

failed it it ended so it failed no do not tolerate that sort of thing don't even remotely go there please as the saying goes you cannot afford the luxury of a negative thought all right so see what you can do guys see what you can do with this commitments they can be really fun um but keep them healthy all right so god bless thanks for being with us remember we do these shows every five 5 30 every friday donation wise guys anything you can do we greatly appreciate it if you can't do anything no worries um but really do your best

when you watch these try to make notes so they become yours not just something you watched in one ear out the other commit to gaining something from anything you study learn read watch do your best all right to just absorb and become that better person god bless you all we'll see you very soon i hope bye bye